Avoiding the fading...

Sitting in the bus... yeah... I know... A little late to get to work... Doesn't start the year on the right foot... I had a little problem at home this morning... No more oil for the Furnace... I checked at the beginning of the season and thought I would be good for a little while but it was much colder than usual at the end of fall and I should have checked again at the beginning of the holidays... but I forgot... And no, I don't have the service to automatically come fill the tank... they only do it if you take more the 1200 liters a year... which I don't... Anyway, that spoiled my first morning of the year at work... I could work from home... but still...

But that's not what I wanted to talk about (but hey, you know me :-). While waiting for the oil man, I was thinking about the intensity of the beginning of a relationship (I wonder why I was thinking about that???)... And why it usually doesn't last long enough... Some will say that it just doesn't last, that's all... It's normal... But why? Others would say that at the beginning we feel we need to win the other's interest so we work hard for this, and once we have it, we don't feel we have to do it anymore, so we simply stop... Simple... Easy... But I don't like that...

I had an other idea this morning... There is a little bit of truth in saying that we eventually get to the point where we don't feel the need to make the extra effort to keep the intensity high (yes, I do believe that there is effort involved, it doesn't come by itself, but we don't feel the effort, at the beginning, because we really want to do it)... But I think there is also a large influence from the inspiration, motivations and encouragements we get from the other...

I don't know about you, but a lot of my energy towards someone else is driven by the interest that this someone else throws back at me. Why would I keep sending flowers if the receiving part doesn't seem to appreciate them anymore, right? Why would the one keep singing madrigals below the balcony if the lady never ever show up to encourage him?

So some will say that it is totally normal to also fade out the encouragement to the other, we can't keep it up, we get tired, bored, uninterested once we have seen it often enough, right? WRONG!!! It's not a question of enough, I think it is a question of predictability. If the flowers are sent on every Monday morning at 13h00, the one receiving them will get to expect them as opposed to appreciate when they arrive. Same thing with our madrigal, the signer can't be too constant in his showing up at the exact same place and the exact same time, on and on, and on, and on...

I think the magic lies in the surprise, the randomness, the imagination, the subtleties... But even that in itself isn't enough, there must also be some openness on the receiving part because if we don't get into a routine of what we know works, we are bound to make mistakes; we'll succeed at some attempts yet fail at others... So to all the receivers of relationship debut spoilness in the world (and no, I'm NOT aiming at one in particular, promise!), listen to this... If you want to keep being fed with little pleasures that your new partner is spoiling you with, make sure to show your appreciation and please be gentle when it doesn't work quite as well as it could have :-) just... ENJOY! :-)

And, of course, don't forget to have fun.

BYE
MAD