sitting in the 9:32 bus... I have a hard time getting up these days... I don't sleep well, so I don't feel rested when I wake up... well... I should say... the last time I wake up... Cause I wake up a lot during the night... Sleep like a baby... Wake up every hour... almost... :-)
Those who also read my French blog already know a bit more about how I feel these days, but for the others, let's just say that I'm still a bit shaken by my last failure at a relationship attempt with that nice woman I was portraying as a new book here and then as a boat... Well... It didn't float... The book sank... :-/
I also spent a lot of time with my kids this summer, cause their mom went to Europe with her boyfriend... which is fine, I'm happy for them, and I'm glad to take care of my kids... but I find it tiring... Especially when my two weeks of summer vacations are usually dedicated to my kids... We do stuff for them... And I'm very happy to make them happy...
But did I mention I feel tired... ??? :-)
The funny thing is... I seem unable to say I'm bored... Instead... I feel boring... Because I can't blame anybody but me for the way I feel (and I actually believe that very strongly)... I was always like that... But more recently, I seem to have more trouble with it... Most probably because I now allow myself to FEEL more... And thus, from time to time, I must pay the price of giving more room to my feelings, and experience the negative ones... It's part of the game.
But back to my subject, this little turmoil of emotions that I let loose these days... makes me feel uninteresting... This is a bit weird, because my brain tells me that I'm a very interesting guy, far from being boring... And I have a few good friends (and family) to conform it...
It's a bit like when I feel I'm not good enough as a dad for my kids, and, of course... They think I'm the greatest (and again, friends and family also praise my dad skills)... So why do I feel like I'm not good enough?
Why do I feel boring? Am I asking too much of myself? How do I stop?
I have not clue... So these days... And just let it flow... Let's see where the sea will take me this time...
to be continued...
BYE
MAD
Friday, August 21, 2009
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2 comments:
I am sure you are a rrrrrrreally good dad !!!!
But, I have to tell you, I feel like you sometimes, maybe because we are asking too much of ourselves !!
SOOOO Please, both... stop thinking and please enjoy and cherish the treasures that we have !!!
NAD
Thanks Nad...
I do my best... But sometimes... you know... We get the feeling it will never be enough...
But then again... Not enough for who? Us?... Others?... WHO???
Working on it... ;-)
BYE
MAD
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