Similarly different

Sitting in the bus again. It’s the beginning of the last week before the Christmas break. It is also a good day to break in to my brand new pair of Rockport boots (thanks Charles and Stephen for the advice, you guys were right, these boots are great, though a little tight on the ankles for my own taste, by I guess my weirdly shaped feet will soon make themselves at home in there :-). I say that because it is raining today, on top of a thin layer of icy snow… Fun… lot’s of fun… :-)

But I didn’t want to blog about boots and weather this morning… Yes, for once, I actually have something to say this morning, and not just improvise on the spot as I often do. I received a few comments recently from people enjoying the read of this blog (and I really appreciate it, first and foremost the fact that they actually read me, and then, wow, they enjoy it, cool, that’s the goal, but to top it all off, they tell me about it… I think I died and gone to heaven ;-).

But what I find interesting (and you might then understand the reason for this post subject line), is that some people tell me that they think just like me (or that I think just like them, depending if they are as egocentric as I am, or not :-). While walking to the bus this morning, it reminded me of comments I often got while I was Internet dating (and yes, I said “was”, but that’s a whole different topic, maybe in tomorrow’s bus ride, but don’t worry, I’m still single, just not dating on the Internet anymore… ;-).

On one of the dating sites I used to go to, there is an automated message you can send to others (when you are not a paying registered member) that is entitled: “We are so much alike!” (actually, it is ”On se ressemble.” in French, but I thought I would improve it a little in English ;-). I also got registered members send me their own messages to tell me how much we were alike based on what they had read in my profile, or after we chatted for a little while…

At the same, time day after day, we keep realizing how different we are from each other. Men and women for example… Whoa… so many conflicts are based on the fact that we are different, we think differently, we are internally wired differently. I’m not saying that we are not equal; this is totally different. It's not about one being better than the other (though man are usually stronger physically and women are more emotional, but I don’t think that physical strength is more important than emotions, and vice versa, they just complete each other so well ;-).

And I think it is a huge problem when we can’t see or accept these differences. This leads us to assume things about others based on our own self (just in case you didn’t know, this is what we call projection, we project ourselves into others, and then what we perceived is largely influenced by our point of view).We then get to expect certain behaviors from others because this is how we would behave ourselves. (I actually blogged about something similar on my French blog MADeries.) We each have our own idea of the rules of the game we are playing, and we each have been dealt a different set of cards. We can’t change the cards we were given, but we can decide how we play them (as Randy Pausch was saying), and I like to add that we can also discuss our understanding of the rules with the people we want to play with.

Because, in the end… We are not that different after all. This is the reason I can actually tell you the things that go through my mind as I write this blog, and you might find it interesting because you think similarly (and hopefully, I write it in a way that you find entertaining, otherwise, why bother, I’m not smart enough that only what I say is interesting, it is also how I say it, right?).

If we would be so different and would keep on projecting ourselves on others, we wouldn’t stop fighting… But we do… We stop fighting and we love each other… Yes, we do love the differences between us. But we also find comfort in our similarities… So can I please be comfortable with you? Do you think we are similar enough? I promise to keep working hard at entertaining you with my differences, OK? Let’t try that…

BYE
MAD the similarly different guy, you love it or you hate it ;-)