sitting in the bus, with cold fingers... I guess I don't exercise them enough... Because of my virtual slow down I expressed over a week ago... I missed you... Did you miss me?
I'm going through a wide range of emotions and fffffeeeelings these days... You know... The F word that used to intrigue me so much... I think I'm getting much better at it, but I still have so much to learn... There are so many things that just can't be explained... Like the fact that I have always been able to feel some things, but not others... the most obvious one for me is music (slightly ahead of movies).
There are songs that move me so much, I feel them so strongly in my stomach and other parts of my body... Really... And I don't really know why... I guess I have a very close relationship with music, and I'm much more confident with her, so I let myself go more easily... Whereas with people, I used to have so many doubts about myself, and used to be so scared of just being myself... So I would exercise a very tight control over my feelings and emotions... even if it was completely unconsciously...
This is most probably the main reason why I became a musician... I could ffffeeeel it.... And this is also surely the main reason why I became a song writer... This was one of the only way I could express my own.... fffffeeeeeelings.... And even with songs written by others, those songs that I learned to play over the years... With some of them, I had much more success than others, and I think I know why now... These songs were the ones I was ffffeeeeeeling the most...
Here are two examples of music-feeling synchronicity for me... I always loved playing the piano, even when I didn't know how to play it. And for the longest time, the only songs I knew how to play on the piano were my own... The songs that I wrote... And 3 years ago, for some reason, at that specific point in time, that moment in my life, I decided to learn this song:
It is a sad song from Daniel Bélanger, an artist that I really like, even though I used to think that his moods and lyrics were a little too depressive for my own taste, because I'm always full of energy and in a good mood, 100%, most of the time ;-)... But I still get touched by his music... And that song in particular really reached me and I couldn't resist learning to sing it while playing the piano (OK, it also helps that it is not too hard to play ;-)...
OK, so where is the synchronicity I hear you ask... I'm getting there... And no, I'm not talking about the last album by The Police :-).... While I was learning that song, I met a very interesting woman, and I think (I say I think, because then, 3 years ago, I didn't know much about these things), I think I had feelings for her... But I never got to confirm if she had any for me... We never kissed nor held hands, or even mentioned anything about a potential relationship... It just... didn't happen... I always wanted to talk to her about it, but never got to it... And we keep running into each other, once in a while, quickly... And it is never the right time... Maybe... someday... I should send her a link to this post ;-)
Anyway, I'm derailing again, but maybe you start to understand what I mean... This is when I slowly started experimenting with feelings... And I was kind of sad when I guessed that this woman wasn't interested in me as I was in her, and it kind of helped learn that sad song from Daniel Bélanger.
The other example, more recently... If you read some of the post I wrote in the last month or so, you will guess what I'm talking about... I finally found someone for which I had strong feelings, and when I finally got to know that she also had strong feelings for me... I could just... fly... You know what I mean... And while getting to that moment, I was learning a new song on the piano... A song from Elton John, “Your song”...
And I quickly realized that I was unconsciously learning that song for her... And I got to play it for her (while mentioning everything I said in this post, so if she reads it, she already knows about all this, but I felt like sharing it with the rest of you now, I hope it's OK)... So this is why, I say that there is a very close relationship between music and the way I feel... Again, I will refer you to one of my favorite posts on my French blog, the one where I talk about the song I wrote called Fais-moi Rêver and how it helped me, I also talk about how music can help me in general in there.... Go take a look :)
And now... I'm currently working on a new song... The lyrics of this new song are strongly inspired by what I have gone through in the past month or so... But I will keep that for a next post... You'll have to wait to hear more about it...
Have fun!
BYE
MAD,,, Musician And Dreamer,,, :-)
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