Madly MAD

About being Good or Evil...

2010-10-11T12:17:00.005-04:00

Salut,

It's been a while, I know, but I'm back... For how long? How often? How good? How bad?Dunno... We'll see... No excuses, no promises, just the plain old fun of writing, and hoping to provide you with some... fun... while reading... Enjoy!

And this come back is not a light one... I'll try to share my opinions with you about being good or evil... Working for Google means I do no evil, right? Well... That's not quite what I want to talk about...

Actually, what got me thinking about this is a reflection I had while trying to teach my kids how to be good, and I got an interesting idea on this subject... So I thought I would share it with you here...

Everybody has its own idea about what's good and what's evil. The good of some is the evil of others, so its hard to come up with objective absolute definitions of good or evil. I personally came up with three laws of living that I apply to my own life and try to teach my kids about it. I came up with these laws while writing an essay on the meaning of life (the typical subject for young authors wannabes ;-), I actually blogged about those laws in the past.

So I think that obeying these laws (i.e., try to help improve the quality of life of upcoming generations, of people around us and then of ourselves) makes us good, and the opposite makes us evil. So being good to yourself could actually be evil if it makes others suffer from it, and being good to others but the detriment of yourself (or other others) would also be evil.

So anyway, this is just my own opinion of good VS evil, but the point I would like to make is that I don't think there are absolutes in being good or evil either. There are people that are more "good" than other, and people that are more "evil" than others, but as much as we say that there is still at least a little bit of good in everyone, there is at least a little bit of evil in everyone too.

So, the thing to remember here, is that we are ALL good and evil, yet some of us strives more for goodness while others will simply let their evil side free... Like Jekyll and Hyde together again... So I tried to teach my kids about the fact that even the nicest people can have evil thoughts. The difference between the people that act good and the ones that act evil is the way they control these thoughts and whether they turn them into actions or not.

The reason that I think this is important to teach this to our kids is that, if they notice that nice people never do anything evil, that maybe good people never think evil or never have ANY evil intent. So when kids grow with this belief that nice people never have evil intent, as soon these growing kids start having evil intents themselves, they will think that they are evil people, and may simply accept it as a fact and act evil.

So I hope my kids (and ideally, everyone on earth) could understand that it is natural for us, human animals, to have evil thoughts like selfish wishes, hatred, and things of the like seeding within our inner self... We need to accept it at the source, but learn to control it and just don't let it out... Let the intent to be good as a whole win over all our evil intents from within...

BYE

MAD

Dating Detox

2009-10-19T09:33:00.011-04:00

Salut,

sitting in a crowded bus, was reading my job emails with one hand and drinking a coffee with the other, while sitting on only half a seat because the big guy sitting besides me is taking one and a half... Ho well... at least he was there before me and didn't just sit on me as some people do sometimes when you're sitting on a small two places seat before they come invade your bubble...

Talking about invading other people's bubble, I have been looking for new friends on Facebook recently... Like I didn't have enough already... So I realized that it is probably a way for me to compensate for the urge I sometimes feel to go back on the Internet Dating scene when I feel too lonely... But I don't want to go back there... I need to find myself first, before I could find someone else to share with... I had someone very special available for me recently, and I couldn't feel it as I should have... As I wanted... As I once did... And it is not the first time it happens... So I need to fix this...

So I decided to invest more in friendships instead... Reconnect with my long time friends that I have neglected for the past few years, because I was too busy either trying to save my marriage, or looking for a new one... And recently... I realized... That I kind of lost myself in there... somewhere....

So I decided to stop dating... But I know myself... I have lived through this before... I remember when I broke up with a girlfriend, thinking that I would be better off alone for a while... and I got back on the Internet dating scene, as soon as I got a kids free weekend after the split...

But not this time... I'm not going back there... And it's funny, because my friend GG (also known as Lili on my French blog) decided that she would try it (Internet Dating), and she's asking me for advice... Interesting twist... the table keeps on turning... :-)

To help myself go through the severance of not browsing Internet Dating sites, looking for the love of my life, I go through Facebook instead, and look for new friends, (e.g., in my existing friends' friends lists). It's kind of like nicotine patches :-)... But, as I was saying, I want to invest more in friendships anyway... And I'm starting to believe that love at first sight is just one way of falling in love. It can also start through a friendship that slowly morphs into love... But in our quick paced modern life, we want it to go quicker, we don't want to wait, we prefer to zap and see what's playing on the other channels... But as was sang before... You can't hurry love... no you just have to wait... :-)

BYE
MAD

Sex-Evolution

2009-10-13T20:10:00.001-04:00

Salut,

it's been a while... I know... I also neglected my French blog for a while, but I started being more regular there recently, so I thought I'd ping this one today... Don't know why but, sitting in the train this morning, trying to rest with my head against the wall besides the side seat where I dropped off my body less then 20 minutes after I dragged it out of bed, about seven hours after it finally fell asleep last night, I was thinking about sex... Maybe because I'm not getting much of it these days (if you read my French blog, you know that I decided to take a break from my eternal quest for love)... Or maybe because we had an interesting discussion about it with friends last night...

I was at a couple of friends place and we were playing boardgames... It was a lot of fun by the way. We don't do it enough, friends getting together, and also play board games.... So I'm trying to remember now, how I got to think about this sex-evolution thingy a few minutes ago... Was it while I was thinking about the conversation we had last night, or was it that woman sitting in front of me that is really not attracting for my own taste... I don't know... But I got into thinking about how men evolve sexually with age by getting to think more and more about the women's pleasure and often put it in front of their own... And how women often go the other around... They finally start thinking more about their own pleasure(s)... :-)

Yesterday, while talking about this with my friends, I was telling them how being faithful with the same woman for over 16 years (from the age of 22 to 39), I could see a big change in the women I was with (and also a change in my own self) from my early twenties to my early forties...

Women in their forties are much more open with sexuality, and especially with « their own » sexuality (at least the ones I've been close enough to)... Whereas in their early « twenties » it seemed to be more about giving sex to men as opposed to getting sex from them (or I should say “with” them)... And I had an interesting thought about “why this is”... while my head was resting against the wall besides me... :-)

Younger men have a tendency to only think about their own pleasure, and think that women will simply have pleasure just... just... just because... you know... Man is pleased... so... woman should be pleased too right? So all in all, most young men don't know much about women's pleasure(s)... right? But women don't need to know much about men's pleasure to satisfy them... At least not the basic stuff... Men are easy... and lazy... :-)

I get the feeling that younger women take a little while before noticing that most young men are clumsy in bed... Most of them will be too shy to help them (some lucky guys, like I was, will meet women early on that will have the guts to let them know how it all works ;-)... So I'm guessing that younger women are not looking as much for men that are good in bed, because they don't know yet that most of them are not, they put more emphasis on properly satisfying the men that they are very attracted to, but this attraction comes from outside of the bed...

With time, they start getting bored in bed with those clumsy men that they don't dare educate, and they get to a point where they think they don't need sex that much... And their men start being frustrated, because they're not getting enough, and thus they either start cheating, or start getting more and more interested in their woman's pleasure... Maybe if she starts having more fun in bed, she'll want to have more sex... And that's all that “us stupid men” want, right? More sex... And with age... We also want... Better sex... Because we know that it will hep us get more sex... But we eventually get to learn that we can also have stronger pleasures ourselves, if we pay more attention to women's pleasures... Of course... :-)

So with time, and age, sex gets better, for both men and women. Because the aging younger woman that starts being bored with her clumsy boyfriend, will either quit him, and start going out with other men, now being more picky with their abilities in bed... or cheat on them just to see if the problem is on their side... You know... Just to check.. try it out... Just in case...

And some women, will soon realize that men get better in bed as they age, like good wine... ;-)... So they will start dating older men... But if women are also getting better in bed as they age, why would older men date younger women??? Ho... Yeah... I forgot... Men are stupid... They just want more sex... :-)

So... This is my morning train ride reflexion... And don't ask me why I decided to write it in English... I have no clue... The friends I was with last night are not even Anglophones (and no, we didn't have a “ménage a trois”, we were really playing « board » games, at it was a lot of fun!!! :-)... Actually, I think it is because of the title... When I had this thought about the evolution of our sex abilities as we age, the term « Sex-evolution » came to mind, and I pronounced it in English in my head... And... I have been toying with the idea of writing an English blog post recently...

And no, they weren't sexually oriented board games we played last night, it was the Québec French version of Trivial Pursuit, and a robot programming game that I forgot the name of (some sort of robot catch the flag battle kind of thingy, and yes, there was an 'L' in the word fLag... ;-)...

Train is reaching destination, I'm getting to the bottom of the second page, so I will soon reach a conclusion... I don't know what it will be, since most of what I write here, I think about it as I write it, with no preparation whatsoever (except for a theme and a few catchy lines that may have popped out of my crazy brain earlier)...

So I will simply say goodbye and wish that whatever your age is, you have a healthy and enjoyable sex life that will only get better as you get older... At least, I wish it for myself :-)...

Have Fun!!!

:-P

BYE
MAD
P.S.: I made a conscious decision, not to add any photos or even links to this blog post... I was afraid to get too far on the subject of... you know... sssseeeexxxxxx.... :-)

One in a million

2009-09-03T08:25:00.002-04:00

Salut,

sitting in the bus, first morning of my regular schedule where I dropped the kids to school... Well one kid at school and the other one at her moms place from where she'll take a bus in about 45 minutes...

Today's subject, « one in a million » could have been about my chances of becoming a rock star when I'm actually more suited to be a rocket scientists with another type of stars. No, no, I'm taking about the probabilities of finding Mr Right (or Mrs Right in my case of course)... The one where all three levels of compatibility will be fully reciprocal. The one with a perfect 10 at each level. And the one for which we are the perfect 10.

It's easy... to compute... If we agree that there are three levels of compatibility (that I like to call, again, the 3C when I describe them in French), physical, rational and emotional... Let's say that there is one out of 10 people that you find attractive, and out of all those that you find attractive, there is only one out of ten that you would find interesting, at least at a friendly level... That would make only one out of 100... And since falling in love is not that easy, even with our best friends, how ever good they look, let's say, again, that only one out of 10 would trigger a strong enough emotion s that you would be willing to share your whole life them... We get to one out of 1000... Not bad... But then... Comes reciprocity...

For that person to what to share their life with you, you must be one out of 1000 for them... So the compounded probabilities of Mr and Mrs Right to find each other, is.... 1... out of.... 1 000 000!!! So this is where the expression “she's one in a million” starts making more sense...

But in a small town like Montreal, where we are about 3 millions inhabitant (if you count the close enough suburbs), this would be that there are only 3 that would be perfect for me... Ho... But since I didn't resort to homosexuality yet, and let's say that there is about the same amount of woman as there are men, then there is only one and a half...

And if that 1 accepted less than perfection and is already with someone else... Then I'm left with the other half... And who would want just half a lover?

But this is just numbers... If you cut your expectations in half, the combined probabilities, don't just cut in half the result... Let's say you find one person out of 5 attractive enough, and 1 out of five witty enough, and 1 out of 5 emotionally fulfilling... And expect the same expectations from the other, then you are now at 1 out of 5 * 5 * 5 * 5 * 5 * 5 which is roughly 15 000... So in the 1.5 million people of the proper gender for you, there is at least 100 to choose from... A little better than 1.5... ;-)

This is all fun and games (until someone loses his heart :-), but there is not magic formula, the magic is there... or not.. And you can't force it... And it has to be reciprocal... But you should never stop trying to find it... It may be hiding somewhere... Because if you stop believing in it, if you stop dreaming... For sure... Your dreams won't come true... You will never find the magic if you don't look for it...

So I made may decision... I want to dream with my eyes wide open, looking for magic... How about you?

BYE
MAD

I feel boring...

2009-08-21T09:34:00.002-04:00

sitting in the 9:32 bus... I have a hard time getting up these days... I don't sleep well, so I don't feel rested when I wake up... well... I should say... the last time I wake up... Cause I wake up a lot during the night... Sleep like a baby... Wake up every hour... almost... :-)

Those who also read my French blog already know a bit more about how I feel these days, but for the others, let's just say that I'm still a bit shaken by my last failure at a relationship attempt with that nice woman I was portraying as a new book here and then as a boat... Well... It didn't float... The book sank... :-/

I also spent a lot of time with my kids this summer, cause their mom went to Europe with her boyfriend... which is fine, I'm happy for them, and I'm glad to take care of my kids... but I find it tiring... Especially when my two weeks of summer vacations are usually dedicated to my kids... We do stuff for them... And I'm very happy to make them happy...

But did I mention I feel tired... ??? :-)

The funny thing is... I seem unable to say I'm bored... Instead... I feel boring... Because I can't blame anybody but me for the way I feel (and I actually believe that very strongly)... I was always like that... But more recently, I seem to have more trouble with it... Most probably because I now allow myself to FEEL more... And thus, from time to time, I must pay the price of giving more room to my feelings, and experience the negative ones... It's part of the game.

But back to my subject, this little turmoil of emotions that I let loose these days... makes me feel uninteresting... This is a bit weird, because my brain tells me that I'm a very interesting guy, far from being boring... And I have a few good friends (and family) to conform it...

It's a bit like when I feel I'm not good enough as a dad for my kids, and, of course... They think I'm the greatest (and again, friends and family also praise my dad skills)... So why do I feel like I'm not good enough?

Why do I feel boring? Am I asking too much of myself? How do I stop?

I have not clue... So these days... And just let it flow... Let's see where the sea will take me this time...

to be continued...

BYE
MAD

Something's missing...

2009-05-29T08:36:00.000-04:00

Sitting in the bus... on a rainy day... it is true that "weather changes mood" as Kurt Cobain was singing in the hit "In bloom" from Nirvana's first successful album Nevermind (and now part of Rock Band). And as I said in a previous post, music is a very good way to express, repress, depress and compress feelings :-)...

Just before I got out of the car which I left in the parking lot at the bus stop (yeah, I know, I'm only half green), Chad Kroeger and his Nickelback crew was singing that "There's gotta be Somebody for me out there", and I want to keep on believing it, but it is not always easy... Especially when the rest of my life is going so damn well, that it's kind of scary...

It's true... It seems to scare away some women that feels my life has been way to easy and I won't be able to cope with theirs. And I don't argue, I have had quite an easy life so far (if we forget about the lack of true love, which I have felt just enough to know it's there, but not quite enough for it to stick around). I was telling a friend over lunch this week that I think I have reached a level of general happiness that is quite satisfying for my needs... I realized that with age, we get to reach more and more happiness, and I think that we also learn to need (or maybe expect) less (at least, some of us are able to)... And so my friend said: "Great you should be proud and feel lucky!"...

Yet, still... I feel that something is missing... Is it just love? But then, when I find it, will I be done? It always amazed me that so many things can not just reach a level of "good enough" and stay there. Companies need to make more profit every year, otherwise they sink... How come? We also seem to need to continuously grow, otherwise we shrink... somehow... Can't we just plainly benefit from what we have done so far and enjoy it at the present tense?

Everybody says "live in the present", but it is so much easier said than done. How many of us are able to do it? Of course, for the ones like me who have kids and put their kids lives ahead of their own (at least until they can take care of it on their own, and even then), we do have something to live for, and work for and look after... and even look for... If we don't grow as much as we used to, we can help them grow (and it actually makes us grow by rebound of course). But we are not just parents, we are also individuals... We also need to grow on our own... Like we hope our kids will when they reach our age.

There is a song I really like from John Mayer which is called "Something's missing" and it expresses very well what I'm trying to say here:

I'm not alone.
I wish I was.
'Cause then I'd know.
I was down because.
I couldn't find.
A friend around.
To love me like.
They do right now...

That's the first verse of the song... really powerful to me... How about you?

There's also an interesting line in the middle (that I really hope doesn't apply to me):

I can't be sure that this state of mind
Is not of my own design

And then the Chorus and the ending are also very good... I would even say... Clever... ;-)

Somethings's missing
And I don't know how to fix it.
Somethings's missing
And I don't know what it is.
No I don't know what it is... at all...

Friends - Check
Money - Check
Well slept - Check
Opposite Sex - Check
Guitar - Check
Microphone - Check
Messages waiting on when I come home - Check

Of course... Love isn't.... Check...

BYE
MAD

Passing ships

2009-05-24T11:33:00.006-04:00

Unless we live secluded from the rest of the world... We keep meeting new people... Some of them become close friends, others are just acquaintance, and many many more just pass us by... Like passing ships in the night... Sometimes not even noticing each other... Yet sometimes, we catch a glimpse of light in their eye, a slight interest, but it unfortunately fades away... As both ships sail their own way...

I sometimes live these little moments, not on ships, but in trivial places like a sidewalk, a bus or a train... Or in weirder places like a sugar shack... even at the grocery... Yet... our shopping carts... just like passing ships... just stroll through their own separate aisles...

And in our modern days of connection technologies, we can meet great people via the Internet, even if we live all the way across a metropolitan area and would never get to walk on the same sidewalk, or take the same train nor bus, and would unlikely go to the same sugar shack at the same time, and definitely not shop at the same grocery...

And we can get to know more about each other, using words and images... And fuel the need to see each other in real life... Spend some time together... To touch each other... And enjoy it... Yet still... As those strangers that exchange a glimpse... our ships just pass by each other... may sail for a while side by side... and eventually drift away... not completely sure why... It just happens...

Whether love or friendship grow from these encounters... or not... We are still transformed by them... They leave a long lasting trace in our mind and in our heart... That make us who we are... now... and for the rest of our lives...

BYE
MAD

The sea of Love

2009-05-22T11:13:00.006-04:00

The stories of my growing discovery of interesting women took the form of books when I shared them with you here. The image of the book recently became a boat on a recent post to my French blog. Once again, the book closed itself on me, the wind blew our sails in different directions and I must now seek new shores again...

The sailor in me seems to be bound to the sea (even though, in real life, I'm actually, psychologically, scared of water :-)... From island to island, I discover new treasures, yet I can't find a place to rest my old pirate bones...

I guess I will have to learn to enjoy the sea, with its high tides, perfect storms and even the quietest colorful horizons... I must learn to be patient... And just enjoy the current moment... Whether I'm on dry land... or at large...

BYE
MAD

Openeing the book...

2009-05-03T10:20:00.006-04:00

Salut,

yesterday, I was very happy to finally get to put my eyes on that new book I was telling you about a few months back... It was "très cool"...

We've been chatting through the virtual tubes that make up this huge thing called Internet. Though it is very useful to meet and exchange with people without leaving your house (let's say you are being held captive by aliens or theorists, you can still flirt, it's pretty cool :-)... But at one point, you need the real thing... The facial expressions, the movements, the pheromones, and all those other things that make us more or less interesting to each others.

While driving there... when I crossed the last bridge... just a few hundred meters before I reach the destination... I felt a little nervous... nervous is good... I used to not be nervous... too confident... and this was not good... But yesterday... I was a little nervous... and I liked it... And I realized that these next few hundred meters... those next few minutes... would be the last one that I live "before" meeting her (yes, a she-book :-)... Before finally seeing in the "real world", that book I've been thinking about for a few months already... Yes... time flies...

So I tried to hold on that nervous feeling for as long as I could... cease the moment... Because it won't come back... once I meet her... Once I open the book.. I won't be able to see her again for the first time anymore... I won't be able to say that I have not opened the book yet... I won't be able to wish for that first moment to finally happen... It will have happened...

But this is not to say that I won't get to wish for the next time I get to put my hands on that great book... to see her in the real world again... And I wish that I will always be able to see her as if it was the first time we saw each other... this is the magic we are all looking for... Right?... But before I actually did meet her, I didn't know if we were going to want to see each other again... So I savored that moment... That nervous feeling... For as long as I could... just in case... :-)

And you know what? We do want to see each other again... We don't know when yet (modern parenting life with split custody can make things so much harder for us... But then again... Being a parent is so cool :-)... At least, we know we both want to... So I guess... It's time to start wishing again... And hope for that next moment... When we get to see each other... and discover more about each other... in the "real world"... :-)

To be continued...

BYE
MAD

Time flies...

2009-04-29T18:21:00.009-04:00

Salut,

sitting in the train... got here unusually early... Yet still... Time flies... especially when you fly to time square for a weekend...I was recently spoiled with a quick surprise New-York City trip, and we missed the plane coming back... time really flies... you'll soon be able to read more details on my MAD-Voyages blog...

I have not written here in a long time so I wanted to leave you a quick trace as I was preparing to write about my NYC trip... I think I'll try to change my writing habit a bit and see if I can write smaller posts, yet more often...

I could also tell you about some of the reasons why I have not written more recently... I could tell you again about my French blog for which I invest a bit more time now... Or my job causing a virtual slowdown... Or my new passion for Open Mic Nights... But if I start in any of those directions, I won't be able to make this a quick post... Anyway, I already talked about those things already... So I'll stop here... For now... ;-)

See you soon!!!

And HAVE FUN!

BYE
MAD the busy bee...

P.S.: Ho... and I turned 43 yesterday...

P.P.S.: Time really flies!!! :-O

Madly MAD -> MADeries en Français

2009-04-14T00:22:00.002-04:00

Salut,

just to let you know that I started writing a little more on my French blog... In case you would be interested... http://madecoste.blogspot.com... Enjoy...

And don't worry... I will continue to write to this blog here... Once in a while...

BYE
MAD

LonelyMAD

2009-04-06T16:15:00.010-04:00

Sitting in the train... Just leaving the downtown station... Going back home early (for a Monday) because the mother of my kids needed me to take care of them tonight. She has some sort of activity tonight and after my trip to Mexico a few weeks ago, I owe her a few nights anyway... And since I totally forgot about this, I accepted an invitation to a Creators Club meeting tonight... I fortunately found a baby sitter to take over just before the kids get to bed, because we always have trouble finding time where all members of the club are available... And it would be sad to miss it, it's a very interesting part of my artistic life...

Anyway, this is why I'm in a train so early today... a Monday... And actually, in a train at all, since I usually take the bus when I have the opportunity to work later to compensate for the nights where I go home early to pick up the kids (guess I'll have to find some other time to compensate this week, most probably when the kids are asleep on Wednesday and Thursday, since tomorrow night, is Open Mike Night ;-)... And this is because the trains to my place don't run very late... This is why I usually take the bus if I don't have to go pickup the kids...

So... When I stepped out of the train this morning, after I finished reading the “Last Lecture”, I couldn't help thinking about where my life is going these days... And I felt lonely... Not that I'm all alone... I have great kids, many impressive friends, and I also love my job and my co-workers... And this very cute blond I was following out of the train, almost all the way to the office... She took one last turn out of my way and I had to watch her walk away from me without the slightest idea that I was watching her, and finding her beautiful, graceful, attractive, interesting, and all those other qualifiers that should have motivated me to talk to her... But I didn't...

So... Anyway... I'm not alone, but as I say in one of the songs I wrote for the Khrônos album from the band Continuum that I was a part of in the early nineties, you can be “Living a lonely life, while never being alone.” And that's how I feel these days...

But my first reflex is to push back on this feeling, force a smile on my face and move on with my usual laid back, optimist, positive, easy going and (hopefully) funny attitude... But not this morning... As I have been trying not to push back on other feelings these past few years, I realized this morning that it is OK to feel lonely... And I decided to give a name to that part of me that I've been ignoring for too long... LonelyMAD...

As for ParanoMAD (which I also talked about previously), LonelyMAD is an integral part of me... And I also got to realize that MultiMAD suits me very well, and not just for my multiple artistic creation fields (http://www.multimad.com), it also expresses very well my multiple personalities. Again, as I said before about ParanoMAD, I realized one day that I wouldn't be able to shut him up so I learned to live with it. Instead of shutting him up, I learned to control how I react to its whispering...

So today, I decided I would do the same thing with LonelyMAD. Instead of trying to shut him up as I used to do... I will let him express himself, but I need to be careful, and keep a good grasp at how I let my behavior get influenced by its whispers.

Recently, LonelyMAD has pushed me back to the Internet dating game to help me find the love of my life... Though it is possible to find gems there (some people did it), it is far from being a sure thing (as the bar scene, the coffee scene, the sports scene or any other scene where we can meet people are no sure things either)... So I don't have too much hope about it... But it still brings me some satisfaction to just browse, search and make a few attempts... It gives me the false impression that I'm getting closer... Even though... You know... Still... It's a bit comforting in some way... It kind of help me cope with LonelyMAD...

Note that I'm very confident that I'm a very interesting guy (at least for a good proportion of the female population), and there are many very interesting women out there... I sometimes wonder if there are enough that are single to give me the opportunity of meeting one that will be a good fit for me (and I will be a good fit for her) because, in theory, interesting people shouldn't stay single very long... But I've been single for a little while myself now, so there must be a few women in the same situation... We also become more picky with age and experience so we don't rematch so easily, thus stay single a little longer, so there should be a good probability of meeting her... Yet... it's a only probability... we'll see...

Randy Pausch (the author of the Last Lecture), met the love of his life and mother of his children when he was in his late 30s, and he seems like a great man... So I guess I should count myself very lucky to have met a great woman in my early 20s and have 2 great kids with her even though it didn't work out to be the love of my life... I'm only in my early 40s... I still have a lot of time to meet the love of my life... Unlike others who didn't even live to turn 40, or 50, or 60, or whatever... You know what I mean...

So I would like to finish this post by thanking Randolph Pausch for sharing his great life experience with us, even though he didn't get to turn 50, and didn't get to see his kids grow to teenage... Still... he will inspire many of us now, and generations to come, to live a great life... Whether we find true love... or not...

BYE
MAD
P.S.; Don't worry about me... I'm still HAVING FUN!!! ;-)
P.P.S.: Just feeling a little lonely, that's all...

What am I up to?

2009-04-01T08:05:00.011-04:00

sitting in the train... Typing the date and realizing it is April fools day today... I could have used this to tell you a ridiculously foolish and incredible story... But you probably wouldn't have noticed since I already feel ridiculously foolish and incredible in my day to day life... So I will stick to my original idea and tell you about what I am up to these days...

Last night was another interesting Open Mic Night at the Arts Café... we had a lot of fun and I even got one of my university buddies to join in for the first time and he came to play the piano and sing one of the songs he wrote... It was a lot of fun... And I think that this is what life is all about... Having a lot of fun... I told about the three laws of the meaning of life in a previous post, and the 3rd is about having fun... as long as we don't break the second law which is to be kind and even help those around us as long as we don't break the first law which is to be kind and even help the generations to come... as much as we can... of course... because we don't all have the same skill set and energy to save the world, but we should still all do our part...

Freud (and many others actually), have concluded that there two main driving forces that help us make decisions: Pleasure and Pain... We want to avoid pain, because we must survive, and if our ancestors were not driven by the will to survive, I wouldn't be here, sitting in this train, writing this post and you wouldn't be there (wherever you are), reading it... And pleasure... well... we all know how good it is... And the main one, is the pleasure of sex so that we can reproduce... and again... Just imagine if our ancestors wouldn't have done it... right?
So to survive in a pleasant way, we still need to go through some pain (that some of us may find more painful than others), do the grocery, cook, wash the dishes, go shopping, do some renovation, cleanup the house, pay our bills, go to work, drive the kids to social activities (whether they do sports or arts), etc... etc... But we must also leave some room in this busy schedule for our own little pleasures (and not just the one driven by our reproductive glands, whether we take care of it alone, or with a loved one), spend some time with friends, have a drink, sing a song, play games, do some sport, go see a movie, a concert, any kind of show, read a book, write a poem, etc...

Now that doesn't tell you much about what I am up to these days... Well... a little bit... cause if you know me a bit by now, you know that I live through my words... I practice what I preach...

So I go through those little pains that are worth suffering to better enjoy a pleasant survival, like the grocery, cooking, washing the dishes, cleaning up the house and driving the kids around... Note that I didn't put going to work in there... Not that I quit my job (though it would have made an interesting April fools joke :-), but must I admit, I'm lucky enough to enjoy my job and it is actually a pleasure to go to work. So once the choirs are done and the kids are happy (I also admit that having them just half the time helps a little bit, though that "only half the time" I have them, I have to take care of them alone, so I guess it evens out a little bit), I then have some time for myself... So what do I do with it? What am I up to?

As I wrote in my first post on my French blog MADeries, deciding what we do with our time, is the only decision we need to (and can) take... As I said above, we are driven by pain and pleasure, but only to take this crucial decision: "what do I do with my time?"... Time is interesting... Because it is limited, though most of us don't really know how much we have left... Time can NOT be stopped or slowed down (unfortunately), though we can get the impression that its speed varies sometimes (gee... my train is almost at its destination now... Wow... time flies...)... And... of course... we can't go back in time... Too bad... it's done... asta la vista baby...

So what do I do with my time these days... well... music started taking a bit more of my time... I love to go to these Open Mic Tuesday nights (a good thing they are on Tuesdays, I "almost" never have my kids on tuesday nights)... I also need to finish composing the music to go with my Novel... I recently needed to move my music to a new WEB site because I used to have (music.download.com) has closed. So while you are here, note that you can now access my music on Last.fm (I also moved the music of Continuum there). I also took this opportunity to update the Music section of MultiMAD.com.

Ho... and I also wanted to tell you that I have been cheating on you again... Well.. at least... I had given you an early warning... I spend quite a lot of time writing on my vacations blog (in French, sorry, it's very nice language though, you should try to learn it if you don't already know it :-). And of course, uploading, tagging and adding legends to all the 338 photos that I found good enough from the roughly 800 photos I took during my trip to Mexico with GG.

And, of course, I have been continuing my quest for the ultimate pleasure, the one for which we would accept to suffer all the pains of this world... LOVE!!! I have not found it yet, I don't even have a solid prospect... That new book I was exploring is not very responsive, so I get the feeling that she is not as interested in turning my pages to discover me more and I am about her... I'm toying with the idea to push her a little harder to open herself to me... But then again, it might be better for me to put her back on the shelf and browse for other books... More open... Closer... More interested... and yet very interesting... we'll see...

To be continued...

BYE
MAD
P.S.: Never, ever, forget to have fun!!! :-)

Feeling interesting...

2009-03-21T10:39:00.009-04:00

Salut,

Laying on my back in my little living room sofa, listening to the silence after the end of the last track of the Dark Horse album from Nickelback... Very good album, I like it a lot, especially the hit single Gotta be somebody, suits me pretty well. And now the washer's buzz is calling me for another load... I'll be back in a sec... Don't move... I'll be back.

OK, so now that the washer and dryer are spinning in sync, and that John Mayer's Continuum CD replaces Nickelback's Dark horse in the sound system, I can come back to what I was telling you about... What was I talking about again? Most probably nothing.... right?...As usual... :-) There is nothing like having chips and beer and talk about nothing while the sun is shining against a bright blue sky... Maybe I should go play outside... I will... I will... :-)

OK, more seriously (if I can), I started publishing the blog posts that I wrote (literally, like... on paper... wow... ;-) while I was on vacation last week. As I said a few post ago, you can find them on http://mad-voyages.blogpost.com. Some people started reading it and are already asking for more... This is pretty cool... An old friend of mine even said that it reads like candy and that I'm about to replace his Saturday morning news paper reading... Cool... :-)

It feels soooo gooooood to know that people find you interesting... At least it does for me... If you read some of my previous posts like A musical feeling or Wanting and/or dreaming, you already know that about me. But come on... We all love to be interesting, right? OK, some people needs it more than others, some people live to attract other people's attention, while others would rather stay un-noticed... But in the end, when we realize that someone truly finds us interesting, it's a GREAT feeling, isn't it?

Some of us sometimes wonder what the hell am I doing with my life? Why was I born? Do I have a purpose on this little blue planet? Some people will turn to god or a specific religion to answer this question... I prefer to look within myself (though some might argue that it's kind of the same thing)... Ho... the washer or dryer buzz again... It will have to wait now... I'm on a roll... :-)

Knowing that some people find you interesting... That there are things that you can do that can touch others... That you can make a positive difference in their lives as so many others have made a positive difference in yours... Isn't this a great purpose?... If my writing can make a difference in people's life, even if it just to entertain them on a regular basis, then my passage here will not have been for nothing (even if I often write about... nothing :-)... As I wrote in one of my first efforts at creative writing, in an essay presumptuously titled "Le sens de la vie" (aka The meaning of life), I see three laws governing our lives, similar to Azimov's laws of robotics:

Thou shall help improve society as a whole so that our descendants can live a great life.
Thou shall be good to others around us now and make their life more enjoyable, but not the detriment of upcoming generations, of course.
Thou shall treat yourself and enjoy life to its fullest, but not the detriment of others around us and neither to upcoming generations, of course.

Isn't this interesting? :-)...
Of course, being interesting for a special someone, is an even greater experience (as I talked a bit about when I was flying to Cuba last year). As Chad Kroeger sings "Nobody wants to be the last one there, and everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There has gotta be somebody for me out there."... Gotta be somebody... But it's not from the lack of self confidence or not being interesting enough, or even too picky (as some might say)... And it's not like I feel so lonely, I'm lucky enough to have many very good friends, and great kids... It's just that...

This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I'll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with
[...]

BYE
MAD
P.S.: HAVE FUN!!! :-)

Open Mic Nights

2009-03-18T08:21:00.007-04:00

Salut,

sitting in a café... not the bus the train or my sofa this time... It's a nice little place near my kids school where I used to go often before I switched jobs 2 years ago... now that I can have breakfast at work (including a very good coffee machine) I don't get to come here as often... But this morning, I wanted to take the train. I must come back home early tonight to pickup my kids at school, and also I'll be more comfortable to type the blog posts I wrote on a notepad while I was on vacation...

I didn't get to start that process yet because I worked late on Monday, and last night I went to sing at an Open mic night at the Arts Café... I started doing that about a month ago and it is a lot of fun...

The first time I tried it, I decided to try out the piano. I started playing more and more piano in the past few years (having a good electronic piano with a real piano touch in the living room helps a lot). Also, I learned "Your song" from Elton John recently, and one of my most "popular" composition (Emotion Recall) renders pretty well on the piano (though I also play it OK on the guitar).

Damn! I just tried to give you a link to the recording of Emotion Recall on music.download.com, but they took it down and it now redirects to lastfm.com and the content isn't there, I will have to re-upload it... snif... snif... Ho well... But I do have a recording of my performance for that night, on YouTube.

So back to open mic night, my first appearance was actually a good humility lesson... First, there are a lot of very talented (and very young artists there). Second... I had not practice "Your song" a lot before presenting it there (too confident?), and I missed every second chord or so (but I managed to keep my voice on the right track at least... It's a good way to accept the fact that I'm still a computer programmer as opposed to a performing artist... But it still doesn't stop me from dreaming about it and go back to perform at the Arts Café on Tuesday nights, as often as I can ;-)... And also, I proved, once again, that a good sense of humor can compensate for a lot of things... All I had to do was change the lyrics here and there to insert jokes about my bad piano player performance to still entertain people and make them appreciate my performance.

The following week, I went back with my guitar. I played another cover, but this time I played one that I have been playing for almost 20 years now (Losing my religion). And I played my personal favorite composition (Fais-moi rêver). And after the night, we went to jam at one of the performers apartment... It was a blast... We were 6 guitar players, a harmonica player and a few female signers... Très cool...

So the week after that, I was more confident, and I decided to play the piano again. My friend GG was there to encourage me, so nothing could go wrong... And all went pretty well... I sang a French song that I render pretty well on the piano (Dis-tout sans rien dire) and then played another composition (most people do that, one cover and one original), which is one of the first good songs that I wrote (at least the first good one I wrote in French), and it is called "Belle Isabelle".

So last night, I decided to continue the alternating pattern and go back with my guitar this time... I played, again, two songs... One cover (Father and son from Cat Stevens) and one original (La couleur des rêves, for which I don't have a good recording yet, soon... maybe)... The overall room mood wasn't as exciting as for the last few weeks, but it was still a lot of fun... If you ever find yourself with nothing to do on a Tuesday night... Come and join us... If you like music, are interested in discovering completely unknown yet very talented artists... Or if you feel like sharing your own completely unknown talent... Go ahead... It is a lot of fun... and if you are too shy to go alone... Let me know... Maybe we could do a duo... :-)

Till then...

HAVE FUN!!!

BYE
MAD
P.S.: Yes, I know, some of you can't wait to read about my vacations... Patience... Patience... I'll start typing what I wrote there... Yes... I'm in the train now... I had to run across the parking lot, because... As usual... I got here at the last minute because I was trying to complete this post at the café... As I often say... Ho well... ;-)

Back to reality

2009-03-16T09:29:00.005-04:00

Ola,

Sitting in the bus, crossing the bridge, just hung up the phone to tell GG that when I opened the blinds this morning, the sun was shining against a bright blue sky background, as I used to tell her almost every morning for the past week or so... We simply had a great vacation together...

Looking at other people in the bus this morning... feels weird... there is so much clothing covering their body... And where did they put the smiles they all had on their faces last week... Ho.. right, these are not the same people I was looking at last week, and we are not in the same country, with the same weather... though I find that it is a beautiful day today... It was warm enough last week to melt a good portion of the snow that could be seen when we left over a week ago... And even though the weather channel says it is -5 outside (-10 with the wind factor)... I just don't feel it... I traded my usual boots (you know which ones :-), with a pair of shoes and my Kanuk with a leather jacket (a warm one, but still)... And with that bright sunshine and a wall to wall blue sky... How could I not smile...

OK, enough about today, I guess you want to hear about my trip to Mexico... I will just give you a sneak preview cause the bus is getting close to the terminus... We partied all night long, for 6 out of 7 nights, we got a good sun tan, we drank, we ate very well, we laughed, we met very interesting people, I got a chance to sing in front of a crowd a few times, and we even had a magical after-hours night with a few friends around a piano in a closed (though unlocked) restaurant... It was great...

I took lots of pictures, and wrote a daily blog while I was there, but these will be published on my French traveling blog only... I will let you know when it is ready... Here's an example of how it felt there:

Till then... Have fun... I had a load of that last week...

BYE
MAD

P.S.: I started following a great pair of boots out of the bus... Nice looking hair from what I could see from behind her, but the stalking ended abruptly when she entered where no man has gone before (or at least shouldn't have), the girls room of the bus station... Ho Well...

P.P.S.: About this post title: "Back to reality"... Still... It is a reality that I truly love... So I'm not complaining about coming back to it :-)

About Transparency

2009-03-03T08:47:00.002-05:00

Salut,

Another sitting in the bus episode... Though I had the idea while sitting in my car... stopped on a red light... Looking at the slim legs of a teenager waiting to cross the street... They caught my eye because they were shaking... It's a cold morning... And there were two of them (teenagers, not legs, we all have two legs... at least... most of us... anyway)... So her friend... had a very nice butt... And then I said... Ho my god... MAD, stop looking at her butt... She's just a teenager...

So what? Like those beauties I look at in the bus... I don't do anything wrong... I'll never ever do anything bad to these girls... I just enjoy looking at them... Is this a crime? I'm actually convinced that we all do the same... Come on... Who in their right mind don't like to look at good looking people? Of course, I agree that some people may not like to be looked at, and yet, come on... Who wouldn't like to know that others find them attractive??? COME ON!!!

I think the main difference with someone like me, is that I openly talk about it... And even publicly on the Internet (though you are not that many to read my blog, still...). And you should also note (for those of you who may not know me that well) that I am always like that (fully transparent)... I (almost) always say what I think (yet, I still try to be careful not to hurt anyone with what I say)... And I truly believe that thinking about it is not a crime...

It is true that you can get a good idea of who I am by knowing how I think... But it is how I act that truly defines who I am... For example, we, human beings, are animals. As with all animals, the way we live is mainly based on instincts. Our instinct is what got us to reproduce and survive through ages, so we should not deny them. We should never be ashamed of them... Even our most basic instincts... But it doesn't mean that we have to listen to them... The control we developed over our instincts, the sense of moral that our society have slowly built, is what made us (human beings) raise above the animal kingdom.

What I'm trying to get to, is that it is OK to expose ourselves by talking about the stuff that rambles in our head... To expose our emotions on the public place... To talk about our fears or our needs... It is OK... If someone think less of me because I looked at the cute butt of a teenager waiting to cross the street, if that someone judges me without taking the time get to know me well enough to understand that I would have never hurt that little girl in any way... well... too bad... that someone doesn't deserve to be my friend anyway...

Let's not judge each other too quickly... Let us be ourselves and not be shy to express it... The more we judge others, the less likely they will open their true self to us... And we will miss a chance to discover someone that could have become a good friend... a best friend... and even more...

So just let ourselves be transparent... And live happily ever after... ;-)

BYE
MAD

A post about nothing...

2009-03-02T08:52:00.001-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the bus... front row center (well, not quite center, you know)... There are just a few people in the bus this morning... Spring break for lots of people... So I won't be looking at young cuties today... will look forward, where the bus is heading (when I'm not looking at the screen... I've been typing for long enough, I don't need to look at the keyboard :-)... Ho, but I just noticed now that as more people step in the bus, I see them very clearly from here... and there are a few cute ones... :-P

There are 3 spots to wait for the bus in the huge parking lot where I take an express bus to get downtown (when I don't take the train)... And I (almost) always walk all the way to the farthest one, where the bus starts, so that I can get a better seat... No, no, no, I don't mean a seat where I will get a better view on good looking girls, I mean a good seat where I will be able to type, or read my work email, or write my next hit single, or movie script :-)... But I still park my car closer to the beginning of the parking lot, so that I can get off the bus at the first stop on the way back, and get to my car quicker... I prefer to walk on the way to the bus, while it is waiting for me ;-)... as opposed to the way back where I decide when to leave.. Which is as soon as I get in my car (and start the engine, of course)...

Anyway, boring stuff... I'll probably have more interesting things to say next week... In a week from now, I'll be waking up to the bright sun shine of Riviera Maya in Mexico and getting ready for a nice breakfast before getting my beach bum in the sand... But I may write more in French, on my vacation blog.

Now I just raised my eyes to see the bridge in front of the bus as we get on the reserved lane, soon before they close it, there isn't much traffic anyway, since it is spring break... Which is weird... We're not even in spring yet... We still have 3 weeks of winter... I can't wait for spring and then the summer wind... I will get a glimpse of that next week... I think I really need this vacation...

I thought I was tired because I wasn't getting enough sleep (though I was enjoying every second I was awake)... But I have been getting much better sleep recently, and I still feel tired... So it's not just sleep... I need some time to relax, and do as little as possible... Like reading under the sun... Listening to music... Enjoying the view... Having a drink... Food prepared for me... Good conversations with a very good friend... Meeting new people... And keep hoping for the love of my life to show up... and hopefully recognize her...

BYE
MAD
P.S.: Title inspired by the show about nothing ;-)

Making up... :-)

2009-02-27T08:17:00.003-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the bus, in front of a very cute young lady... putting on makeup... Don't really know why though... she doesn't really need it... But the older woman that just sat besides her did a good job at hiding her age this morning... and her large sun glasses help a bit too...

I didn't have anything specific to say this morning... But I wanted to talk... so here I am... as more people get in the bus... and more makeup gets applied to that cutie's face... It's interesting to witness the transformation... live... ;-) She's doing a pretty good job... Adding intensity, yet staying subtle enough... so far...

Maybe I should try that... Makeup!... Actually, we were talking about that over lunch at work yesterday... Someone asked me which lipstick color would suite me best ;-)... Someone said pink (cause I sometimes wear a pink wig... for fun :-)... But I said black, just to see their face as I said it :-)

OK, she's done, and she also put some large sun glasses to hide half of the nice work she did... Her lipstick is pink... with shiny little sparkles in it... A little too much for my taste... too bad, cause she has very nice lips... Ho well... way too young for me anyway... As most cuties I look at in the bus... It's just for fun anyway... You know me, right? Nothing wrong with just looking... and commenting on a public blog... Hahahaha... :-)

Hey, I think I told you I was finally going down south soon... My first trip to the beach without my kids, since... Since I had kids (and my eldest is 11 and a half)... I'll bring my camera, so I can show you pictures of nice girls in bikini... I already have a few here... :-)

We're crossing the bridge now and the bus windows are way dirtier than the train windows... Anyway, the view here isn't as interesting as the one we have from the train bridge... I guess I will have much nicer views in about 10 days from now... And no, I'm not just talking about bikinis (though they are an important part of the view)... If you got a chance to see some of the pictures I take, you will notice that I'm not only after female bodies, I also like nature, architecture, and people in general... and if you read a few of my posts, you know I'm not that superficial... you know that I think the human being is a very intriguing yet so interesting piece of art, as much within itself as what it let show outside...

So I take a vow here to spend the rest of my life trying to understand more and more human nature and keep being amazed by it.

BYE
MAD
P.S.: the older woman has removed her sun glasses... nice eye color, but not quite my type of face... and no... it is not just about the age... The cutie have closed her eyes behind her shades so I can take a better look at the work she did... and her extraordinary lips... With too much lipstick unfortunately...

Radio silence

2009-02-24T08:06:00.004-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the train, watching the panorama through the dirty windows where the bright sun has no mercy for all kinds of stains. There are big piles of snow outside... We had some more over the weekend... But I finally booked that trip down south that I was thinking about for almost a year now... I wasn't too keen on going alone, and there is no Mrs. MadlyMAD these days... So I asked a friend to join me... I was hesitating a bit because it is a female friend and I'm still looking for Mrs. MadlyMAD (no, it's not her, and it can't be her, we clarified that already).

I wonder how a new Mrs. MadlyMAD prospect would take it if I met her before I leave down south with someone else (I know, there isn't much chances, since we leave in less than two weeks, but still, it's a possibility... And you know The dreamer :-).... What would she feel if I get to tell her: "I find you very interesting and would like to get to know you better, but I'm going to the beach with a very good looking woman, see you next week... BYE... MAD...".... Ho well... :-)

Last week, I had a very interesting prospect, that new book I was telling you about... We had a few very interesting email exchange... I started on Monday at lunch time... She answered on Tuesday dinner time... So I sent another one on Wednesday bedtime, and she answered again on Friday morning... breakfast time ;-)... And I felt so enthusiastic, that I answered on the same day at dinner time... and got a very positive answer a little over an hour after... So I replied again before going to bed... And then... radio silence since then... Weird...

I have no clue what happened... Did I say something wrong? Did she get hit by a bus? Something happened to her kids? She met the man of her dreams over the weekend? I scared her? She thought I was an alien trying to abduct her to do experiments on her gorgeous little body (though I have only seen pictures, we never got to meet in "real life", but you know I have a very fertile imagination, right?). Or maybe she caught Alzheimer while helping an older woman cross the street? Didn't pay her Internet bills? Was actually abducted by aliens?... OK... I'll stop here... :-)

We are about to cross the bridge now (no, not me and her, the train ;-)... And I love the view of the sun climbing up the sky across the car bridge over the St-Lawrence river... A very cool sight... Even through dirty stained train Windows... :-)

So life is good... We have hopes... Deceptions... Thrilling exchanges... and then radio silence... Big piles of snow falling from the sky and then our toes get to play in the wet sand and salty water... A drink in our hand and surrounded by beautiful women in bikinis... The sun keeps rising and setting on a regular basis... My heart keeps beating... Waiting for another one to beat in sync with... But I will settle for nothing less... than the real thing... So I will be patient...

till next time...

Have fun!

BYE
MAD

A new book...

2009-02-19T08:02:00.007-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the train, with a marvelous landscape outside... We had about 10cm of snow during the night and the trees are dressed with a superb snow coat.

So how have you been? I have itchy fingers... A post a week is not enough to satisfy my needs... I know this virtual slowdown is a good thing for me... But it's hard... And I must admit... I kind of cheated on you... Yes... I did... In real life, I'm a very faithful guy (even when I knew a loved one was cheating on me, I couldn't resort myself to do the same), but in the virtual world, I think it's OK...

While finishing the story of this previous book I was telling you about, before I got to write the last chapter, I started to write a private blog, that I didn't send to anyone... Like a diary... and it really felt like I was talking to you... So you see... Even if I cheated on you... I was thinking about you (I know, a classic ;-)...

But now, it's over... That book has been put away (and I recently learned that somebody else is reading it, Ho well)... And now, I'm starting a new one... :-)))

Ho... And allow me to step out of the metaphor for a moment, so that I let you know that last night, I finally sent my novel to a publisher... One down... I need to look for more publishers that could be interested in this book now (I mean, the real one :-)... Do you know any?

OK, back into the metaphor...

I was browsing through the Facelibrary, and saw an interesting thumbnail of a book cover (I know we can't judge a book by its cover, but it's all I had)... So I registered for more info about this book... And got it... I was so happy, the book was willing to open itself a little bit for me (which doesn't happen so often in these cold virtual libraries)... So I got to see the high resolution cover, as well as the back sleeve and some other images, and it looked really good (“very” my type of look... eeee... book :-)... So I presented myself as an interested reader, and was privileged enough to receive a prologue of the book that I found really interesting.

So last night, I sent even more info about me as an avid reader (I hope it wasn't too much... you know how verbose I can be :-). And I also requested a bit more info about the content of this very interesting book... Based on the tone and the kind of info I get back (if any), I may risk a request to borrow this book from the library this weekend... And get to see it in the real world... real life... out there... where trees wear beautiful white robes... :-)

De Snowstorm Mid-dec-2007

BYE
MAD... not as verbose today... but in a very good mood...

The end of a chapter

2009-02-10T15:44:00.014-05:00

Salut,

   sitting in the bus, typing this using offline Gmail... this is pretty cool... did you try it?...

   Sitting in the last seat at the back of the bus... I usually sit at the front... Or in the middle... It is nice to have a new perspective... Especially with that cute young brunette sitting in front of me, working on her term papers... I know, I know, way too young for me... But hey... There is no harm in just looking... And dreaming... Nothing wrong about that, right?... And she really is my type... Ho well... :-)

   It's been a while since I told you about good looking girls in the bus... Some of you may have missed it... Others may be saying now, "Ho No... Not again!"... Whatever... I know you enjoy it anyway... At least, I know I enjoy it... And let's just say... That recently... My mind was elsewhere... Oh, and I don't take the bus as often these days... And... For some reasons... The girls don't look as good in the train... Weird...

   But this is not quite today's subject... Though it is somewhat related (like most of my intros, even though it is rarely on purpose)... You probably noticed the subject: "The end of a chapter"... Some of you may have guessed what I mean by that...

   I wrote about a lady in the past, and I used the book metaphor when I unfortunately had to turn the page on her, and put the book back on the shelf... Well, today, I will continue with this metaphor, while also linking with my previous post about musical feelings, and also remind you that I'm composing music to go with the novel I wrote... just in case you would have forgotten... ;-)

   So I thought that a good way to end this chapter of my life, would be with a new song... A song I wrote about this chapter... A song inspired by what I felt about the main character of this book, a girl that I once, briefly, called, My Lady. If life would be like Hollywood movies, maybe I could hope that this song would bring her back to me (thus the title of the song), but I am not that naive (I am naive, but not that much :-).

Lyrics: http://docs.google.com/Doc...
mp3: http://madzab.com/reviens-moi.mp3
On YouTube: Reviens-moi, Playlist: MAD Sings
   Even when strongly inspired by true feelings, there is always a good part of fiction in song Lyrics. This is what poetry is all about.. Like Hollywood movies, we put much more icing on the cake of reality. Unlike the content of this blog, which is all about real stuff, no fiction here, I really tell you what goes through my head and how I truly feel, and there really is a good looking brunette sitting in front of me :-).

   But anyway, back to the fictional poetry of the song lyrics, I know we can't tell others what to do (except maybe for our kids), and especially not to a woman. ;-)... So I don't expect anything from publishing this song, even though I know she will listen to it... I told you before, I never expect anything from anyone... but me... :-)

   So I would just like to thank her for inspiring me this song... A good song (I hope), that will have captured a great moment that will now live forever through lyrics and music, even if it marks... The end of a chapter...

Enjoy!

BYE
MAD... not sad... Still MAD... Really ;-)

A musical feeling

2009-02-06T09:19:00.003-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the bus, with cold fingers... I guess I don't exercise them enough... Because of my virtual slow down I expressed over a week ago... I missed you... Did you miss me?

I'm going through a wide range of emotions and fffffeeeelings these days... You know... The F word that used to intrigue me so much... I think I'm getting much better at it, but I still have so much to learn... There are so many things that just can't be explained... Like the fact that I have always been able to feel some things, but not others... the most obvious one for me is music (slightly ahead of movies).

There are songs that move me so much, I feel them so strongly in my stomach and other parts of my body... Really... And I don't really know why... I guess I have a very close relationship with music, and I'm much more confident with her, so I let myself go more easily... Whereas with people, I used to have so many doubts about myself, and used to be so scared of just being myself... So I would exercise a very tight control over my feelings and emotions... even if it was completely unconsciously...

This is most probably the main reason why I became a musician... I could ffffeeeel it.... And this is also surely the main reason why I became a song writer... This was one of the only way I could express my own.... fffffeeeeeelings.... And even with songs written by others, those songs that I learned to play over the years... With some of them, I had much more success than others, and I think I know why now... These songs were the ones I was ffffeeeeeeling the most...

Here are two examples of music-feeling synchronicity for me... I always loved playing the piano, even when I didn't know how to play it. And for the longest time, the only songs I knew how to play on the piano were my own... The songs that I wrote... And 3 years ago, for some reason, at that specific point in time, that moment in my life, I decided to learn this song:

It is a sad song from Daniel Bélanger, an artist that I really like, even though I used to think that his moods and lyrics were a little too depressive for my own taste, because I'm always full of energy and in a good mood, 100%, most of the time ;-)... But I still get touched by his music... And that song in particular really reached me and I couldn't resist learning to sing it while playing the piano (OK, it also helps that it is not too hard to play ;-)...

OK, so where is the synchronicity I hear you ask... I'm getting there... And no, I'm not talking about the last album by The Police :-).... While I was learning that song, I met a very interesting woman, and I think (I say I think, because then, 3 years ago, I didn't know much about these things), I think I had feelings for her... But I never got to confirm if she had any for me... We never kissed nor held hands, or even mentioned anything about a potential relationship... It just... didn't happen... I always wanted to talk to her about it, but never got to it... And we keep running into each other, once in a while, quickly... And it is never the right time... Maybe... someday... I should send her a link to this post ;-)

Anyway, I'm derailing again, but maybe you start to understand what I mean... This is when I slowly started experimenting with feelings... And I was kind of sad when I guessed that this woman wasn't interested in me as I was in her, and it kind of helped learn that sad song from Daniel Bélanger.

The other example, more recently... If you read some of the post I wrote in the last month or so, you will guess what I'm talking about... I finally found someone for which I had strong feelings, and when I finally got to know that she also had strong feelings for me... I could just... fly... You know what I mean... And while getting to that moment, I was learning a new song on the piano... A song from Elton John, “Your song”...

And I quickly realized that I was unconsciously learning that song for her... And I got to play it for her (while mentioning everything I said in this post, so if she reads it, she already knows about all this, but I felt like sharing it with the rest of you now, I hope it's OK)... So this is why, I say that there is a very close relationship between music and the way I feel... Again, I will refer you to one of my favorite posts on my French blog, the one where I talk about the song I wrote called Fais-moi Rêver and how it helped me, I also talk about how music can help me in general in there.... Go take a look :)

And now... I'm currently working on a new song... The lyrics of this new song are strongly inspired by what I have gone through in the past month or so... But I will keep that for a next post... You'll have to wait to hear more about it...

Have fun!

BYE
MAD,,, Musician And Dreamer,,, :-)

Virtual slow down...

2009-01-27T07:35:00.001-05:00

Sitting in an earlier train this morning... I have a hard time sleeping late anyway... Even though I have a hard time going to bed early... Ho well... And it is not because I worry about stuff... I don't... Things are going very well... Of course, they could be better, but they could also be much worst... I told you before, even if the half glass is empty, I still see it full ;-)...

But I have to kick myself in the butt to work harder these days... This new project I was assigned to is very cool, but I don't feel productive... I don't like feeling like a newbie all the time... And I feel that I didn't progress much yet... It is true that I went true a few bumps in my personal life, it's been like a roller coaster in the past few months (OK, years :-)... But still, I should be able to focus more on my job anyway... I'm goooood, I know I'm gooooood.... So GO MAD GO!!!

So this is why, taking the earlier train when I don't have my kids in the morning should become a new habit... And hopefully, I will learn to go to bed earlier at night too... Otherwise, going to the gym on a daily basis will not as useful for staying in better shape and better health if I don't sleep enough, right?

So I may not be as vocal here as I would like to... I will resist the temptation to leave you a note more often than I should... I will invest my train rides time in getting stuff done for my job... Especially with this new daily gym routine that is stealing an hour off my work schedule... Everyday of the week!!! I have to take it back somewhere... I'm not going to take it away from my kids, of course, and I can't take it away from my sleep (which is already minimal, even if I'm used to it)... So I will have to cut down a little bit on the virtual social stuff (and it is not just about bloging, I need to also diminish the chats and Facebook type of things too)...

One could think that now that I'm done with my novel re-write, I have one less thing to take care of... Well... not really... Because I want to finish the music that goes with it, so I need to invest a some time there still... At least all my Monday nights, which I spend with my music partner... As soon as his kids are put to sleep...

Talking about my kids, I pick mine up tonight, exceptionally on a Tuesday night (during the week, I usually have them on Wednesdays and Thursdays, on top of every second weekend, so yes, it is still half and half :-), but their mom has something tonight so we exchanged Tuesday and Thursday... So I'm free Thursday night (which rarely happens), do you wanna go out? :-)

As I said in a French post over a year ago... Life is all about what you choose to do with the little time you are given... There is no way around it...

BYE
MAD

With or Wihou a T, that is the quesion... :-)

2009-01-23T08:07:00.001-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the train.. Caught it at the last minute... Had to run from my car in the parking lot to the deck where we jump on the train... But now that I started going to the gym every day with a bunch of colleagues, it won't be a problem for me anymore to do those runs :-)...

You will notice that today's post will be much lighter than the few previous ones... This probably means that I feel much better now than I did when I wrote the others... Not that I felt so bad then... Because my average mood is much higher than most people so my lows are really not that low... though my highs can be quite high... I know, I'm very lucky ;-)... But sometimes, it is just a question of contrasts...

For example, yesterday, I got scared... I had a few hints that something pretty bad could happen and I really didn't like the train of thoughts that it got me into. Paranomad was making its way through my brains and I know he runs a train that I have a very hard time stopping... I learned that in the last few months of my marriage, I can't really stop paranomad, believe me, I tried... And when I try something, I do everything I can do, trust me... So I decided to resolve the problem in another way, instead of trying to stop the bad train of thoughts that paranomad runs in my head, I decided to control how I react to it.

So yesterday, I did some homework and my research was providing me with very strong information contradicting my first inclination to think that something bad would happen. I still don't know what will happen, I don't have any hard proof yet, but I am still fully convinced that it won't be bad... And thus, I feel good... I feel a very big contrast between how I feel now and how I felt in the train back home last night. And contrast upward is good ;-)

Also, this little research got me to chat with a friend in a way I wasn't sure I would be able to again, because of some things that have happened between us (read the book, and you may have a clue of what I'm talking about ;-)... So I'm feeling even better now, knowing that all is well there too... And during this communication, we were talking about being aware of our weaknesses, though still acknowledging our strengths and qualities. And this is what gave me the idea of this post's title...

I think it is while I was in bed this morning, waking up a little before the alarm clock does its job (as I often do) and thinking about that conversation (for some reason), and the specific moment where I said that one of the things I like the most about myself (or that I am most proud of) is my witty sense of humor. I was thinking that it might be a little pretentious of me to say so, but I think it is something that applies in so many aspects of my life.

I'm also very very proud of being a good daddy, but my sense of humor with the kids is a big part of being a good daddy and helps me a lot... We laugh a lot together, my two daughters and I. Again this morning, they were literally rolling on the floor laughing at one point. It is also useful at my job, to have an enjoyable work environment, or socially, or even in my artistic creations...

[Little parentheses, there are a few people around me in the train reading a book, of course. I can't help but imagine the time, when I will sit in the train, and see someone reading... the book I wrote ;-)... Just like I used to imagine myself into a public place, like a mall or a gas station, and hearing one of my songs on the radio... hummmm... Yeah, I know... Pretentious :-)]

So, back to my witty sense of humor... Some people will disagree, I know... Humor is so subjective... And also, the pre-canned opinion we have about someone will have a big influence on how we appreciate their sense of humor... And I have a good example. I remember a very nice dinner with a couple of friends, many years ago, when I was still with my wife... Every time I was being funny, everybody laughed... except my wife, she heard my jokes for over 10 years, she had enough of it... But it's not just me, when my friend was being funny, we all laughed, including my wife... But not his wife... you see?...

So this, is why I asked the question, with or wihou T... Because a sense of humor that some would find witty, others would find it... Twitty! ;-) So, what do you think? Am I witty? Or am I a twit? I actually think I'm both... I'm a witty twit... ;-)

BYE
MAD
P.S.: And if you speak French, you can play a little game where you tell people you want to open a store “santé” and ask them to guess what you sell in that store. If they mention an item that doesn't have a 't' in its name, you say yes, and otherwise (if there is a 't' in the name of the item), you say that you don't sell thouse... until they guess the scheme... santé... sans T... without a T ;-)

P.P.S.: Have Fun!

P.P.P.S.: This was my 69th post on this blog... :-)

Wanting and/or Dreaming

2009-01-20T08:09:00.002-05:00

Sitting in the train... after a breakfast alone at home (which I don't do very often, I usually go to a coffee shop or wait till I get to the office). I woke up early this morning, my head still full of sweet dreams, but my heart emptied by the reality that got me out of those dreams. But now, when I look out the window and see those trees filled with white snow as if it was icing sugar, it may not completely fill my empty heart but it surely lighten it up enough to make me smile.

I have always been a dreamer... As I kid, I didn't have many friends and I spent a lot of time alone, at home, listening to music, watching movies or reading comic books, and imagining my self as the musicians I was listing to or the actors I was watching or the one who wrote the stories I was reading and I even went as far as imagining myself as the super hero in these comic books... :-)

But I was raised to play it safe, not expect too much in life, to avoid being hurt. I was also taught to have faith in destiny and karma, that if I am a good boy, do the right things, and make the right choices, it will always come back to me... And this is what I did... But I never stopped dreaming... And indeed, many great things came my way... And I never stopped dreaming...

[was interrupted this morning, so I continue on the train ride back home]
Tuesday Jan 20th, 6:18 PM

I like to think of myself as a rational dreamer. One who allows himself to dream, yet don't disillusion himself with too much certainty, to avoid the hard landing when the cloud we dream on eventually dissipates. I sometimes thought that maybe this is why I didn't succeed in fulfilling these dreams. I didn't believe in it hard enough... Though I truly believed, I was also being realistic by reminding myself that there never ever is any certainty in anything...

So I learned to want only what I knew I could potentially get, and only blame myself for not trying hard enough if I couldn't get it... I keep chasing those dreams of being the musician that others listen to, the actors that others look at or the writer that others read (but don't worry, I don't chase the dream of being a super hero, I told you I was a rational dreamer :-).

If I felt that something was completely out of reach for me, I simply stopped wanting it, there is no use in trying... Anything that I couldn't control the outcome, I could only accept it as is... One of the first time in my life where I had to painfully accept that something I dearly wanted, I could do nothing to get... Was the love of my wife... And I worked very hard for a long time to try and deserve it, win it back, until I realized, there was nothing I could do to change any of that, I just had to accept it, so I suggested we split up... It was a very tough decision... But at that point... I realized... That I didn't want her, if she didn't love me. I even convinced myself for a long time, that I didn't love her, that I never did.

I have met quite a few women since we split up, and of many different styles (I needed to experiment a lot to figure out what I really want, so I tried quite a large spectrum ;-)... Recently, as you read in previous posts, about a date, a book and other metaphors, I had found someone I really wanted... For a little while, I thought I had finally found the reciprocity I was looking for, cause I felt she really wanted me too. And thus, I did every thing I thought was right, both for me and for her, trying to figure out how I could get what I wanted... But the only way to get it, is to be wanted back... and be fully comfortable with it... And it wasn't the case... For whatever reasons...

So this morning, I realized that I'm not used to wanting something that I can not get on my own... That my own doing may not change much in the possibility of getting what I want or not. In the past, I have been very successful in simply not wanting it anymore once I realized that. Maybe this is what I need to do now... Stop wanting... Even if it would mean lying to myself and making me believe I don't want it... It might be better... for my own good... and hers... What do you think?

BYE
MAD... Making new discoveries everyday... And sharing them with you as they surface... :-)

For crying out loud! :-)

2009-01-20T00:14:00.001-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the bus, after an interesting Monday night in the town... It started with a social night with co-workers at a fondue place... So I had fondue twice in 3 days... Oh yeah, I didn't tell you about my Saturday night last minute dinner with friends... Well... Maybe... someday... but I can tell you now that it was at a fondue place in Châteauguay ;-)... And tonight, after the fondue restaurant, I went to have a pint of red beer with a co-worker and now I'm sitting in the bus to go back home... alone... but not sad...

At least not like I felt yesterday... I don't remember the last time I cried, at least not like I did yesterday... I might have had watery eyes here and there, but even that only happened very rarely in the past 20+ years... But yesterday... As I was finishing the re-write of my novel, or actually, it even started on Saturday night, while I was alone at a restaurant, working on my novel, with my laptop, I got to read some touching moments of the story that got me to wet my eyes (yes, my eyes, it is not that kind of moment :-)... And as I was typing a message to one of my friends to tell her about it, her brother (who's one of my best friends) called me to join him and a couple of friends to this fondue restaurant... we had a great time and no tears there, except maybe for laughing tears... :-)

So the next day, i.e., Sunday, i.e., yesterday, I continued working on my novel where I left off the day before and got watery eyes in a few places again, until I got to a point, where it was just too much... I broke down in tears and started crying like a baby, out loud, you know, with those sounds coming from the throat where it is hard to tell if we are crying or laughing... and the tears were flowing off my eyes and down my cheek like I don't remember seeing them do so in a looooong time...

Is it really because of the passage I was reading?... It is when my main character, a fucked up teenager raised in a fucked up family, finally decides to go sit on his dads lap, hug him as hard as he could and cry on his shoulder... Could it be because I have some unfinished business to deal with my own father?... Or was I putting my self in the shoes of that father as a father myself?... Or is it because of this new “feeling” discovery I made in the past few weeks, and that other book I was telling you about, that closed itself on me as I just discovered how much I loved reading it?... I don't know... and actually... I don't really want to know...

All I know now, is that I am able to cry (because I had really strong doubts about that in the last few years), and even while I was crying, I was almost laughing inside, happy to be feeling, even if I was actually feeling sad... At one point, I was all curled up on my couch, hugging my cushions so tight in an incomprehensible hug... It was really something... And when I finally snapped out of it and went to the rest room to get a Kleenex to wipe my cheeks, I saw myself in the mirror... Very weird... I have never ever sees myself like that... red eyes and wet cheeks... I smiled at my self... it was quite a sight...

And tonight, as I am feeling the bumps of the Champlain bridge as the bus is bringing me to my car on the south shore, after a very interesting dinner with my colleagues and then a nice beer with one of them... I feel great... Lonely, of course, but great anyway... Tomorrow night should be a music night with my partner so that we can make some progress on my novel sound track, and then I will turn into a full time solo dad for 5 days (though I have a babysitter on Friday because the guy I had a beer with tonight is throwing a party at his place, it should be fun)... And I usually don't feel as lonely when I take care of my kids... And I get the feeling, I will start feeling much less lonely even without my kids in a near enough future.... I can feel it... whatever it means... To be continued....

BYE
MAD and not that SAD after all ;-)

Turning the page...

2009-01-17T11:40:00.003-05:00

Salut,

sitting in my little lunch corner at home... This is my 66th post on this blog... and I was born in 66... Cool...

***

I got disturbed... now, over an hour and a half have passed since I wrote the first paragraph... I'm now laying on my couch, with a nice fire in the fireplace, a good CD in the sound system, and the laptop on my... lap... There isn't much missing from this picture... But there is still something missing... of course... But at one point, one has to turn the page and move on...

It doesn't mean that I will burn the book that I just turned the page of... I'll buy more wood if needed, but will never burn a book... Anyway, I wasn't done reading this one... But if it won't open itself for me, there isn't much I can do about it... I can't force it open... All I can do is clearly express my strong will to read it, as well as my understanding of the hesitations that are preventing the book from letting go... And hope it will open itself again... for me... just me... one day... maybe...

There are so many other books out there... And I read quite a few of them... But some stories touch us more than others... We sometimes feel a connection that we just can't explain... And sometimes, we just enjoy reading, in the present tense... just because we like to read... Not all books are enlightening... And I do strive for this enlightenment... Nothing less... I thought I had found it... But the book was not ready for me... Or wasn't meant for me... Only time will tell... And while I wait... I'll just keep reading... and writing... :-)

Of course, I'm also working on my own book... and this weekend, I intend to turn an important page... Now out of the metaphor, I plan on completing the re-write of my Novel this weekend... I have nothing else planned anyway (though a friend of mine offered to play some music together tomorrow afternoon, maybe... we'll see)... I had already given myself the goal of completing the re-write for January 5th, so I'll be about two weeks late... not too bad...

So I guess I should stop here... Hit the Publish message button below... Switch windows and get to work... I wish it was as easy to publish my book as it is to publish blog posts... Maybe one day it will... But for now... While I polish my re-write I also have to start the publisher hunt... So I guess I will do some research about that this weekend too... I'll keep you posted...

In the mean time... Don't forget to have fun... And read a book, or open yourself to the ones you love and let them read you... as a book... It's worth it, I told you before... Treat yourself... Spoil the ones you love!!!

BYE
MAD the writer, the book and the reader... :-)

Now what?

2009-01-16T08:41:00.002-05:00

Sitting in the bus... My fingers are slowly melting back to normal temperature so I can type... I'm not one to complain much (as you could tell from my previous posts), but I sometimes wonder how crazy or desperate our ancestors must have been to establish themselves here.... Frozen stuff falling from the sky, so we must invent large mechanical trucks to push or pick it up so we can move around... Temperatures so low that this mechanic we invented to move around won't even work... Staying outside for too long, without adequate protection can burn your skin in a very cold way (I would rather get my butt burned on a sunny beach... but I would still wear protection anyway, I admit it... as I would if I meet someone interesting this weekend, but that is a whole other story, got it? ;-)...

Fridays... I had a Facebook status last week stating that Fridays wouldn't be the same anymore... And I knew everybody would get it wrong... And it is kind of the same this week, but for reverse reasons... Last week was because I had my kids for the weekend, and so did the lady I started seeing, so we were not going to see each other for sure for the whole weekend... But today, I dropped my kids to school this morning, and their mom will pick them up tonight and I may not see them until next Wednesday, when I pick them up at school... But I just had a 9 days streak with them, so a little 5 days break is kind of welcome... But yet... It's not the same... You know... if not... read my previous post... You'll get it...

I don't have any plans yet for the weekend... Might go see a movie, alone, or with a friend maybe... I know I want to work on my novel and start the publishers hunt. I will do some research to identify which one(s) I should target first... I'm up to chapter 15 or 18 (page 256 of 315)... I should be able to finish this weekend... Just a few week later than the deadline I had given myself, but it's OK... I had good exciting reasons for not finishing on time... And it was well worth it... :-)

Also, I want to clear my mind of some past experiences and also stop thinking too much about the future (I have a very hard time with that, I lived most of my life preparing for what was coming my way)... I need to live more in the present tense... I may have talked about that in a previous post, I don't remember, but it's OK, because I want to stop living in the past too anyway (though I didn't do too much of that in the past either, I'm not one to hold grudge or be nostalgic, at least not too much, but I still have very found memories that I cherish, anyway, I'm derailing again, let's close this way too long parenthesis, with a smile :-)...

So... As the title of the post say... Now what?... I don't know... I have no clue... No expectations... A few hopes and wishes here and there... But no expectations what so ever... I have a few friends that would love to help me go trough this, and I really appreciate it... I just need to identify how far I'm willing to go and in which direction (cause, even when we are not thinking about the future, even in the present tense, we must decide what we want to do now, what step we want to take, where to put our feet... well... in front of us, of course, but which direction do we want to face)... OK, I'm losing you now, I can feel it (maybe, I'm losing a bit of myself too ;-)...

One direction I know I want to take this winter is south... Again, I will conclude by looping back to my introduction... But it is not just because of the recent cold wave that I want to go down south, I started thinking about this trip while I was in Cuba last year with my kids and my parent... While walking on the beautiful site where we were (Playa Pesquero, near Holguin), and watching the beautiful landscape (as well as the beautiful bodies filling it :-P), I decided then, that I would go down south again next year (which is now this year), but without my kids... I have a strange feeling I already told you about that... But I can't confirm, cause... I'm sitting in the bus, enjoying the heat of my laptop battery on my... lap... So no Internet connection to go check back... Ho well...

BYE

MAD

P.S.: And don't ever forget... to have fun... whether it's hot or it's cold, it's yes or it's no... ;-)
(damn, my kids corrupted me with this Katy Perry thingy... Ho well.. :-)

An unexpected left turn...

2009-01-12T04:08:00.001-05:00

Sitting in the train, going back home to pick up the kids... Exceptionally on a Monday since it's their mom's 40th birthday today... Her boyfriend offered her a surprise week out somewhere so I get to have the kids all week long.. Yé... And it's actually a good timing, because I had some sort of bad news yesterday... So it's good to be busy and enjoy your kids presence and not being alone during those difficult days.

The woman I was dating (as I was talking about previously), finally decided that she didn't want to continue our attempt to eventually become a couple... She has stuff to deal with inside her head that are better dealt with alone and without a partner around... Stuff about relationships of course... So I won't get into more details about the specific reasons, but it hurts to know that I wasn't able to appease her fears and help fight these demons of hers so that we could share a ride on this most interesting traveling experience called life.

Even though she says it has nothing to do with me (and I really want to believe her), I can help thinking that I must have done something wrong, or I must be the wrong guy for her, or something like that... Which is OK, since I did everything I thought was right, and if it was the wrong to do, then doing the right thing wouldn't have been from the real me, cause I was true to myself all the way, I was not playing any game or laying out any strategy there... I was just being myself, and I'm very proud of that. If I am the wrong man for her, then fine, I can't argue with that, and I won't fight a losing battle like this... We should only be with the people that are right for us... Might as well be alone instead of being with the wrong one, or being the wrong one for the other...

At least, we are both able to stay good friends, almost as much as we were before trying this out, which is a good thing, because we will keep bumping into each other, we can't really (and don't want to) avoid that... It does hurt, and it is hard to cope with... But it is bearable... It is true that it would have been easier now if I would have taken it slower and not dive in completely as I did...

Part II
Tuesday
8:05 AM

I didn't get to complete this post yesterday for whatever reasons... So I continue it this morning, still sitting in the train... In a new train actually... Not just a new time, they have different seat configurations in this train so I'm not sure yet, where I'll be more comfortable... I will have to experiment... Life is full of trial and errors... You sometimes have to fail miserably to learn and grow...

I wouldn't say that I miserably failed this week, but I did not succeed in helping my friend accept that she can be in a successful relationship whatever conditions surrounds it, if you find true love in it... And to continue where I stopped yesterday, I would be contradicting my previous posts if I would conclude that I should have been more careful so that I wouldn't be hurt as much today... As a matter of fact, I'm not “that” hurt... I only spent a few days physically with her, and a few more expressing my feelings for her in a virtual way (though I'm pretty good at that, wanna try me? :-)...

But I really felt it (yest, this F word again), and this was something completely new for me, and something that I was waiting for for so long... And with a woman that I have looking at, and thinking of for a long while too. So this is why I'm a little more hurt than I should be at this point... I also enjoyed so much when she actually told me that she was also looking at me for a while (actually, since the first time she saw me, wow) and she was also thinking of me, and even dreaming about me... What can a guy do? What a romantic guy looking to discover his emotions do? What could I do?

The only thing I could do is close my eyes and jump... The only thing I could do when she admitted her fears and uncertainties was to do everything I could and say everything I felt to help her appease her demons... And I did... And it worked for a while... But not very long... And it's OK... What else could I do when she said she didn't want to continue? I tried to convince her otherwise of course... But once I realized that her mind was set... All I could do was understand... And let it go...

And now I allow myself to suffer a bit... It was well worth it... My stomach is still upside down this morning... My breath is little longer than usual... I have a hard time sleeping and eating... But that's OK... I prefer that to the cold closure and protection I was used to... And I also prefer that to having the foot on the break pedal all the time and preventing me from enjoying all that I enjoyed since we both admitted our interest to each other... It is worth it... And I don't say that just to avoid contradicting my previous posts... I truly believe it... And will fight hard for it all my life... Life is good... It can hurt... But it's good...

As a conclusion, I will loop back to my introduction in an unexpected way (as I often do, so you are probably used to it by now). And it wasn't even on purpose... this is what my mind does to me while I write... I was telling you about the 40th birthday of the mother of my kids... And while writing this, I realize that it might have a little bit of something to do with how I feel (F word! :-) about all this... We started going out together when she was 20, and then we spent 16 and half years together... And I remember thinking at one point, that, when she turns 40, she will have spent as much time with as without me... Wow...

But it didn't happen, we split up a little more than 3 years ago... And not that I would want to go back with her... We are very good friends (very useful for the kids) and I still think very highly of her... But with all that I learned through all the mistakes I did since she left, I know she is the not the type of woman I would want to be with anymore... And anyway, she has a very nice boyfriend that I like a lot, a very good guy :-).. for her...

So I was once thinking that I would spend most of my life with someone I realize now I didn't really fit with... And if I want to have lived more than half my life with someone, I better meet her soon, or live over 100 years!!! :-) More seriously, this just convinces me more and more that if I get to find one that I feel is a (almost?) perfect fit... I have to do everything I can to make it work.. Yet... At the same time... She has to do the same... Otherwise it won't work... It takes two to Tango... And Tango is such a beautiful dance, you don't want to waste it with the wrong partner, or one that is not ready to dance with you...

Will you dance with me?

BYE
SAD... but still having fun! Somehow.. :0)

Treat yourself right... By spoiling others...

2009-01-11T12:35:00.002-05:00

Sitting in my little lunch corner, in front of the patio door letting me contemplate the deep blueness of the sky as well as the shiny white snow and all the other colors between them... As you can see, I'm in quite a good mood... I write this while finishing my Sunday lunch specialty, "des crêpes jambon fromage"... My kids love them... But as soon as they are done... They run down the stairs to go play the Wii and burn a few Calories ;-)

So I'm sitting here alone, finishing my coffee and I decided to turn on the laptop to check out the activities at le centre des sciences du vieux port de Montréal... My little kid has bugged me all week long (if not longer than that) to go there this weekend... But her big sister had other plans, she wanted to play with a friend... So I found the best compromise, we will take her friend with us... Why not.. The more the merrier... And yes, I will be a single adult with 3 kids... But it won't be my first time, and I have good kids, so it should all go well...

And it is a good feeling for me too... Just to see their bright and shinny smile when I treat them like that... Of course, as parents, we have the responsibility not to spoil our kids too much. They have to learn that they can't just get all that they want, and I make sure to do that as much as I can... But as in most things in life, the trick is finding the right balance, the sweet spot in the middle... It's not easy to deprive kids of what they want, especially if you can afford it (so it is easier to say no when they ask me to buy a real space ship, as it is when they ask me for the miniature Playmobil version of that same ship, right?)...

But it is an investment for their future... and mine also... If I don't say no now, they will be on my back all their life... Whereas if I say no now, I will only have them on my back for a few minutes, hours, and maybe days, but this is much better than years...

With grownups, it is a little different though. They shouldn't need us to help them learn that they can't always get what they want... They should know that by now... If they don't, personally, I would rather not deal with them anyway... Too much work and not enough reward (kind of like I was saying in my previous posts)... With adults, I don't think we should restrain ourselves from spoiling them... Unless you are not quite sure about the feelings you have for them and you don't want to mislead them... But if you feel the urge to spoil them, there must be some feeling somewhere deep in there (unless you are as weird as I am, but this is very unlikely ;-)...

I think that if you feel good with someone, and you want them to be happy, you should let yourself go and treat them as a princess (or prince if you prefer :-)... Of course, some will prefer that the prince turn into a biker once in a while, but that is also a way to treat the other ;-P... By finding what makes them tic, and then... well... do it!!!

I'm convinced that you will get an immediate internal reward of satisfaction for satisfying the other's needs, for making the them happy... Who doesn't get that deep satisfaction when saying something funny that makes everybody laugh... It is a great feeling to please others... So why don't we do it more? What are we scared of? That the other will start expecting more and more and we won't be able to cope with that demand? So instead, we don't give anything? That's a little sad, isn't it?

OK, I know, there usually is a sweet spot in the middle, but when come to making people around me happy... I don't aim for the middle... I want to go all the way... I'm religiously convinced that it is is well worth the investment... It will come back to me somehow for sure... It can't be any other way... Call it Karma, call it faith in destiny, call it whatever you want... but do it... treat yourself... and spoil others... Go! NOW!!! GO!!!

OK, I gotta go, my daughter's friend will arrive any minute now and we will drive to the old port to go see an exposition or two at le centre des sciences and then it will already be time to drive the friend back to her place, have dinner and do some homework... Isn't it great to be a daddy? It's keeping us busy at least... ;-)

Till next time!

HAVE FUN!!!... And go spoil someone...

BYE
MAD

The feedback loops

2009-01-09T08:25:00.003-05:00

Sitting in the bus for one of the last time before I start taking the train more regularly since they finally change the schedule and add more departure next week, so it will be easier for me to take the train after dropping the kids to school.

While driving to the parking lot this morning, I was thinking about my last post (which I didn't publish yet, I know... weird, you might have noticed that the date and time of the post is around lunch time on Monday January 5th, after my empty house oil tank adventure. The blog keeps the date and time of starting to write the post and not the one it was actually published. I was just too busy this week and wanted to double check a few things before publishing the post)...

So this morning, I thought about the concept of the feedback loop that I was hinting on in that other post. It made me realize that it can actually go both ways (and in physics, there are actually two types of feedback loops, the positive and negative feedback loops), and we can say here that the positive one can lead us to Nirvana while the negative one is more likely to lead us to a void.

Here are two examples... When I was married, my wife (even though she was a very nice woman :-) wasn't giving much positive feedback. Whether it was for the artistic creations I was having fun with, or even the things I was doing to try and make her happy. OK, it could be that I wasn't doing the right things, but I had a very hard time identifying what I was doing right or wrong without the feedback, right?

So since I wasn't getting much positive feedback from her, I was looking for it elsewhere... Don't get me wrong, I was faithful, I'm not talking about that type of “elsewhere”... I was just spending more and more time on my artistic creations with which I was getting some positive feedback from friends and family that was appreciating what I was doing. So the negative feedback loop with my wife was getting me to spend less and less energy trying to satisfy her, since I didn't get much encouragement on that front, and she wasn't one to ask for much, so it slowly died down... Which is where a negative feedback loop leads you... The void.

I often get asked where do I find the time to do all these things I do, I guess it came from there...

Now a positive feedback, on the other hand, as I was saying in my previous post, can help keep the flame alive... If you don't feed a fire, it will die, right? It is the same thing about the passion or the spontaneity of the early days with a new partner can bring us... If we enjoy it, we should keep finding ways to feed that fire and let it last for as long as we can... For as long as we live actually...

And don't get me wrong, it is not about letting everything else down. We still have friends and family, we still have other interests (like artistic creations for me), and we should never let them down, even in the very intense early phase of a new relationship... Maybe that's one of the other mistakes we make that makes it hard to keep it up after this early phase. We need to leave room for friends, family and individual interests in the early phase, so that we don't get to miss it, and start blaming the early flame and slowly let it fade away...

I think that at my age, with kids, it is a little easier than it was in our early twenties... because we have accumulated more individual interests, we may have more friends, and family is also more important, especially our own kids... For those of us that put our children's interests ahead of our own, we don't have a choice but to have a certain control over the early fire... But it is not because we prevent the whole house to burn down that we put out the fire... We can still have a very intense fireplace, without burning down the house. If the house burns down, so will the fire, and we will have nowhere to live after that... Whereas, if we just take good care of the fireplace, it can burn forever and even warm our house... As long as we keep feeding that fire with good wood, and good care...

Arriving at the terminus, so I will end this by telling you to never forget to have very hot fun!!!

BYE
MAD... the fireman! ;-)

Avoiding the fading...

2009-01-05T12:02:00.003-05:00

Sitting in the bus... yeah... I know... A little late to get to work... Doesn't start the year on the right foot... I had a little problem at home this morning... No more oil for the Furnace... I checked at the beginning of the season and thought I would be good for a little while but it was much colder than usual at the end of fall and I should have checked again at the beginning of the holidays... but I forgot... And no, I don't have the service to automatically come fill the tank... they only do it if you take more the 1200 liters a year... which I don't... Anyway, that spoiled my first morning of the year at work... I could work from home... but still...

But that's not what I wanted to talk about (but hey, you know me :-). While waiting for the oil man, I was thinking about the intensity of the beginning of a relationship (I wonder why I was thinking about that???)... And why it usually doesn't last long enough... Some will say that it just doesn't last, that's all... It's normal... But why? Others would say that at the beginning we feel we need to win the other's interest so we work hard for this, and once we have it, we don't feel we have to do it anymore, so we simply stop... Simple... Easy... But I don't like that...

I had an other idea this morning... There is a little bit of truth in saying that we eventually get to the point where we don't feel the need to make the extra effort to keep the intensity high (yes, I do believe that there is effort involved, it doesn't come by itself, but we don't feel the effort, at the beginning, because we really want to do it)... But I think there is also a large influence from the inspiration, motivations and encouragements we get from the other...

I don't know about you, but a lot of my energy towards someone else is driven by the interest that this someone else throws back at me. Why would I keep sending flowers if the receiving part doesn't seem to appreciate them anymore, right? Why would the one keep singing madrigals below the balcony if the lady never ever show up to encourage him?

So some will say that it is totally normal to also fade out the encouragement to the other, we can't keep it up, we get tired, bored, uninterested once we have seen it often enough, right? WRONG!!! It's not a question of enough, I think it is a question of predictability. If the flowers are sent on every Monday morning at 13h00, the one receiving them will get to expect them as opposed to appreciate when they arrive. Same thing with our madrigal, the signer can't be too constant in his showing up at the exact same place and the exact same time, on and on, and on, and on...

I think the magic lies in the surprise, the randomness, the imagination, the subtleties... But even that in itself isn't enough, there must also be some openness on the receiving part because if we don't get into a routine of what we know works, we are bound to make mistakes; we'll succeed at some attempts yet fail at others... So to all the receivers of relationship debut spoilness in the world (and no, I'm NOT aiming at one in particular, promise!), listen to this... If you want to keep being fed with little pleasures that your new partner is spoiling you with, make sure to show your appreciation and please be gentle when it doesn't work quite as well as it could have :-) just... ENJOY! :-)

And, of course, don't forget to have fun.

BYE
MAD

The first date...

2009-01-04T14:35:00.003-05:00

Salut,

sitting on my couch, having sparkling water after a nice healthy walk outside, and taking care of the fire warming up my living room. I had a very good first week-end to kick off the new year... I even went cross-country skiing yesterday, I had not done that in about 25 years... seriously... It felt good... And it confirmed that I really need to register to a gym and work on my cardio...

But you are not interested in this stuff, right? You want to know what happened on my first date... Well... I'm very tempted to.... NOT let you know... I'll just say that it went well, and that's all I will say about that... But as I said in my previous post, getting to the first date was interesting... So this is what I will discuss here today... Feel free to jump to another page if you are not happy...

So, it took me a while to realize that there was dating potential with this lady I already knew. We would see each other occasionally, and half jokingly flirt with each other, but I thought she was already dating someone, and I was even close enough to her as a friend to tell her a bit about GG.

Since my divorce, I mainly dated women that I met on the Internet. Though the only relationship that lasted more than a few weeks was with a woman that I met at a wedding (yes, this still happens), I still didn't know her much when I asked her on a first date.

So usually, a first date is on neutral territory, trying to find a place about half way between where we live, ideally a restaurant or a bar, or a very good restaurant that is worth the detour of one or the other...

But with this lady, who already knew me well, there was no need for neutrality... So my first reflex was to be a good boy and find a place close to her place, so that she doesn't have to drive much... But we had previously discussed half jokingly the possibility of having dinner at my place. I said I wasn't a very good cook, but I'm pretty good at taking care of the entertainment by singing a few songs with either my guitar or my piano... So she said that she didn't want to impose on me to cook for her, but would love to hear the entertainment...

So I was brave enough to suggest that she drives to my neighborhood, to go to a nice French restaurant beautifully set in a very old house, and then we could get to my place for the entertainment... héhé... I know... But it was just a proposal, opened for debate... And she did... She started by saying that she thought we would meet downtown either at a bar or a restaurant, but liked the idea of the entertainment at my place... But... To avoid certain expectations of going to my place "after" the restaurant, she suggested we meet at my place first, early enough for some entertainment, and then go to the restaurant... And then... we'll see... and we did... but you won't know about it :-)

I know... Not fair... But who said that life was fair? And since this blog is about MY life, I get to choose when to be fair or not... NA!

BYE
MADly having fun... as ever... :-)

Another new beginning following up yet another ending...

2008-12-31T10:04:00.004-05:00

Sitting in the bus, for the last day of the year (2008, that is ;-)... I know, I've been neglecting you recently, but the holiday season is usually pretty busy for me. And this year, I decided not to take any vacations so that I would keep some for a trip down south in a month or so.... Without my kids... for the first time since... since I have kids...

I also challenged myself to finish the work I'm doing on my Novel by Jan 5th... Even that didn't get as much attention from me as it should have... But I still have a few days (and nights) left... We'll see... Go MAD Go!

For a lot of people, the end of the year is an opportunity to look back at what happened in the last year, and to plan the coming one... I usually don't do that myself... Actually... I do it all year long... Everyday, we receive from the past and we give for tomorrow... I'm always thankful for all that happened before our time to make life so enjoyable for us today so I invest energy today to try and help make the times after ours at least as enjoyable if not way better than ours!!!

Still, the end of the year is often seen as a transition point. The year number changes on our calendar. People working with budgets close one and open another one. For some of us, our work vacations time resets. There is also a song from Paul Piché (a traditional Quebec signer from the 70s), that says "C't'aujourd'hui l'jour de l'an. Y faut changer d'maîtresse mon Joe"... I let you figure out the translation...

I'm personally not very good with traditions myself (I told you in my previous post how non-conformist I like to be ;-), I don't really look at the year number on the calendar (on the rare occasions where I physically write a check, I sometimes have to think twice before writing the year number), I don't do budgets, I pushed a week of vacations into next year... etc...

But this year... The end of the year marks a moment, and I swear it wasn't on purpose, I know there are better times to do this... But it happened like that... For some reason... But I have a first date on Friday... So this is a period of transition for me after all.

Even though the cards were on the table since the beginning of my previous story, it is not easy to play the last hand and let the other player know that the game is over. Many great songs have been written to remind us that there are no easy ways to say goodbye. But GG was kind enough to make it easier for me... She was very sweet... Thanks for everything GG... You were great... xxx

But now... About that first date... I have been debating with myself if I should blog about this or not... I know both GG and the new lady will read it... But we all know I'm a good guy, right? So what could go wrong... Still... hesitation... Probably because the good guy in me was thinking that we should not talk openly about things like that... Why not?

What convinced me to talk to you about this? Well... While trying to plan this first date with the new lady, we had a few back and forth emails of possibilities (note that we already know each other pretty well, so it's not my typical first date with someone I recently met either on the Net or any other way)... And while I was verbosely explaining my thought process for why I would go about it one way or another, she actually mentioned that it would be good blog post material... So voilà... Now you know... :-)

BYE
MAD

P.S.: Now I hear some of you think: "Who's that lady he's talking about? If he already knows her, maybe I know her too!"... Don't even go there...

P.P.S.: Others might be thinking: "Hey! He said that his thought process about the first date would be good blog post material, but he doesn't share it with us, WTF?"... I'll keep that one for later... OK? ;-)

P.P.P.S.: HAVE A VERY HAPPY, MERRY AND FUN NEW YEAR!!! Enjoy it to its fullest and make it worth it... It won't come back!

MAD-Boxing morning...

2008-12-26T13:02:00.003-05:00

Salut,

Sitting at Starbucks, having an espresso chocolate brownie thingy for lunch (and breakfast actually). I don't eat very well these days. Leaving room for improvement next year... I need a few good resolutions to get in better shape... :-)

I was planning on doing some late xmas shoping this morning but the stores were closed. So I had a first latté then, and went back home to shower (long story, maybe some day I'll tell you about it ;-). I thought the stores would open at noon, but nope. Only at one... so I started feeling a little hungry and aimed at specific a restaurant, but it doesn't open until three... ho well...

So here I am, alone at Starbucks, having a brownie and waiting for the long lineups to get in the stores that just opened so that I can get in to snif around and see if I can find gifts for family coming over to my place tomorrow for our traditional xmas/new year party on a Saturday in the middle, whatever the real day others celebrate.

I kind of like to be atypical, or non-conformist if you prefer. Beeing the dad of a split family kind of helps, but even as a kid, I don't know why, but I often strived to do things differently. I almost always question the norms... I do admit that they often make sense, and I do follow them in those cases. I'm not the kind to globally reject all norms, but I try to make up my own mind about it...

But I think you already guessed all that by now... Anyway... I'm done with my coffee and brownie now (I don't type as fast on a phone as on a regular computer keyboard of course, and I will most likely have a few typos to fix once I get to publish this online)... So I hope you are enjoying the holidays... Talk to you later...

BYE
MAD

A very merry whatever to you all...

2008-12-24T08:05:00.004-05:00

Salut my loved ones,

Sitting in my bed (or actually laying, but not lying which is a typical francophone pronunciation mistake, and not laid either, I would never lie to get laid, but that is a whole other topic ;-), typing this on my new phone. "Why use your phone if you're at home?" I hear you say... first, my Dell is on the floor besides the bed out of battery. I intentionally left the power supply in the living room last night so that I don't abuse it in bed (I also left the Mac in the living room)... so when the Dell battery died on me, I had to resort to my TV to finish the incomplete lullaby that would eventually put me to sleep.

Also, I really like my new Google Phone, it is our xmas bonus this year...I know...spoiled... :-)

So I wanted to take this opportunity wish you all a great "whatever you celebrate at the end of the year". Some of us call it xmas even when we don't believe in the cults of the religion that invented that celebration. The idea behind it is kind of universal anyway. For my part, I stopped believing in many things that I used to take for granted without thinking about it to much. Now I only believe in what makes sense to me (though I do agree and accept that some things just don't, but I have faith that it could :-)... Still, the idea that a man called Jesus (or whatever other name he could have had) once claimed that we could and should love each other in times where love was nowhere near what we believe it is today (and I do believe in love, yes that word again, "believe", and even if many think that love makes no sense, still :-), I think it is worth celebrating this alleged birthday by sharing love with the people that make our lives worth living...

To you all that make MY life worth living, I wish you a very merry whatever... because I love you all...

BYE
MAD... with sore thumbs not used to these phone qwerty keyboards

I miss you…

2008-12-19T08:17:00.002-05:00

Salut,

Sitting in the bus again, just dropped the kids at school for their last day of the year. They were still in their PJs, so excited to eat breakfast at school and spend the whole day in their pajamas…

And me? Well… I was wondering in the parking lot… How do I feel? Or actually… Do I feel?...

No excitement… Yet, I’m not feeling down either. I remember a few years ago, we had about 11 parties spread over 15 days around the xmas break… This year… hum… much more humble… But again, not feeling bad about it… I’m fine… Truly…

Am I boring? I’m not bored though… There are so many things that interest me that I barely have enough time to do half of it. Like writing here, I don’t do it enough, I miss it… But at the same time, I sometimes feel guilty doing it (no, not because of the kind of things I share with you, I have absolutely no guilt about that :-)… I could use this time to complete the re-write of my Novel (I’m up to chapter 7 (out of 18) now, page 120 (out of 303)… I gave myself a deadline for this, I want to complete it before the end of the year…

Not having too many parties (though now that I think about it, I already have 3 scheduled, not counting new years eve that I plan on celebrating alone with my kids, with a nice dinner à trois and a night of games and TV shows, they love that), so, I was saying, not too many parties, so probably enough time to spend on my Novel re-write.

I should also spend some time working on the music I want to put on a CD that I will insert in the book sleeve… I still have a lot of work to do there and it is not progressing fast… But that doesn’t need to be completed before I go publisher hunting again… I think I can present this part of the project as a work in progress…

So, with all this regain of interest and energy of working on my novel, combined with the fact that I recently switched projects at work, so I spend more time learning and getting familiar with the whole thing, I have much less time to post here… And I miss it…

As for the guilt… well… yes I do steal some bus or train time that I could use to work on my Novel… And when I get to the office and polish the post before I publish it online, I steal some time that I could invest in learning more about the architecture and infrastructure of Chrome (a great product by the way, very well done, you should try it :-)…

So there is a little guilt involved in writing here… But I think it is worth it… First, it is a treat for me, and I think I deserve it… Second, I actually train my writing skills… And third… well… if it makes me feel better, then it is worth the time investment while I’m at work, because if I feel better, then I will be more productive…

Ho! What did I just say? Writing here makes me feel better, so I do feel… Wow!... Thanks… It is all because of you… Otherwise, why would I write here if it wouldn’t be to be read by you… So actually, it is not to write here that makes me feel better, it is knowing that you will read me… So when I feel (this word again), when I feel that I don’t post here often, I actually feel that you don’t read me enough… And I miss you…

BYE
MAD… Starting to feel IT!

Similarly different

2008-12-15T08:33:00.005-05:00

Sitting in the bus again. It’s the beginning of the last week before the Christmas break. It is also a good day to break in to my brand new pair of Rockport boots (thanks Charles and Stephen for the advice, you guys were right, these boots are great, though a little tight on the ankles for my own taste, by I guess my weirdly shaped feet will soon make themselves at home in there :-). I say that because it is raining today, on top of a thin layer of icy snow… Fun… lot’s of fun… :-)

But I didn’t want to blog about boots and weather this morning… Yes, for once, I actually have something to say this morning, and not just improvise on the spot as I often do. I received a few comments recently from people enjoying the read of this blog (and I really appreciate it, first and foremost the fact that they actually read me, and then, wow, they enjoy it, cool, that’s the goal, but to top it all off, they tell me about it… I think I died and gone to heaven ;-).

But what I find interesting (and you might then understand the reason for this post subject line), is that some people tell me that they think just like me (or that I think just like them, depending if they are as egocentric as I am, or not :-). While walking to the bus this morning, it reminded me of comments I often got while I was Internet dating (and yes, I said “was”, but that’s a whole different topic, maybe in tomorrow’s bus ride, but don’t worry, I’m still single, just not dating on the Internet anymore… ;-).

On one of the dating sites I used to go to, there is an automated message you can send to others (when you are not a paying registered member) that is entitled: “We are so much alike!” (actually, it is ”On se ressemble.” in French, but I thought I would improve it a little in English ;-). I also got registered members send me their own messages to tell me how much we were alike based on what they had read in my profile, or after we chatted for a little while…

At the same, time day after day, we keep realizing how different we are from each other. Men and women for example… Whoa… so many conflicts are based on the fact that we are different, we think differently, we are internally wired differently. I’m not saying that we are not equal; this is totally different. It's not about one being better than the other (though man are usually stronger physically and women are more emotional, but I don’t think that physical strength is more important than emotions, and vice versa, they just complete each other so well ;-).

And I think it is a huge problem when we can’t see or accept these differences. This leads us to assume things about others based on our own self (just in case you didn’t know, this is what we call projection, we project ourselves into others, and then what we perceived is largely influenced by our point of view).We then get to expect certain behaviors from others because this is how we would behave ourselves. (I actually blogged about something similar on my French blog MADeries.) We each have our own idea of the rules of the game we are playing, and we each have been dealt a different set of cards. We can’t change the cards we were given, but we can decide how we play them (as Randy Pausch was saying), and I like to add that we can also discuss our understanding of the rules with the people we want to play with.

Because, in the end… We are not that different after all. This is the reason I can actually tell you the things that go through my mind as I write this blog, and you might find it interesting because you think similarly (and hopefully, I write it in a way that you find entertaining, otherwise, why bother, I’m not smart enough that only what I say is interesting, it is also how I say it, right?).

If we would be so different and would keep on projecting ourselves on others, we wouldn’t stop fighting… But we do… We stop fighting and we love each other… Yes, we do love the differences between us. But we also find comfort in our similarities… So can I please be comfortable with you? Do you think we are similar enough? I promise to keep working hard at entertaining you with my differences, OK? Let’t try that…

BYE
MAD the similarly different guy, you love it or you hate it ;-)

Beating the clock

2008-12-12T16:55:00.010-05:00

Sitting in the train, which will most likely happen more often next year since they finally added more departures on my line, and it will thus be more convenient for me. Then again, it is still a bit inconvenient since they are far less frequent than the buses and so when you miss one, you need to wait much longer… as I just did… And my lungs are still burning from running (almost) all the way from the office to the train station, only to see the train leave while I was stepping out on the deck.

View Larger Map
My plan was to leave the office at 4:20, but I was so taken up by what I was doing that I didn’t see the time fly and only woke up at 4:32… Still… I tried… And failed… you can’t beat the clock…

This morning, I was luckier… I had another of these weird mornings… It started with the wipers of my car dying on me because I was asking them to get rid of a few inches of snow on my windshield. I know, I shouldn’t do that, but I just wanted to start the car so it warms up while I remove the snow from it, but the wipers had been left on… When they started, I tried to make them faster, just to help them and then I heard a "clunk" and they just stop in mid-air… hooo nooooo….

Still, I could get the kids to school and then, I had to come back home to wait for the cleaning lady who was sick yesterday. So I would give it a try… I’m not very good with repairing things, but I’m brave and always game to try. It often gets me in trouble but it also sometimes get me out of it. This time I succeeded, but I had to bring the car in the garage, which implied that I get the other car out of the garage (bad idea… yes, having two cars can also be a bad idea, … anyway). Once I fixed the little arm that attaches the wipers to the motor, I was in business. But I figured I would leave the frozen car in the garage while I get rid of the snow in my driveway and only put back the other car in afterward… Anyway, it sounded like a good idea, since the other car is not very good on snow (this is why it usually waits for me in the garage).

The problem is, that other car (though I love it very much) was not able to climb back in the garage… Damn… Even after I removed the snow. Last time I did remove the snow, it was raining, so there is a thin layer of ice in my driveway and it seems to be enough for my small car to not want to climb it… I even put salt there, no help, I tried with and without the anti-sliding thingy that comes with the car... no help… I realized that it must have trouble because the rear propulsion (as opposed to front wheel drive traction), so I tried backwards… BINGO… So the car is in the garage…

But the cleaning lady isn’t there yet, and it is close to the time I need to leave to catch the last train of the morning… So I decided to finish shoveling the driveway and then get inside to make myself a coffee and breakfast, I’ll simply take the bus… And then… Ding dong… She’s there… I have 10 minutes to get to the train… That would be very tight… So why not? Let's try…

Give the lady her money, say hi and bye at the same time… and run to the train… I try not to go too fast, last year, I bumped a pole and made a big dent in my bumper by trying to catch a train… Still I get there almost on time, the train is still there, but the doors are closed… weird… I get out of the car quickly and look for my keys to lock the car… D’Ho! I left them in the car… And the car is still running… Whoa… That’s a big stupid mistake… Luckily enough, I have the reflex to search my pockets for my keys to lock my car as soon as I walk away from it…

Anyway, I got in front of the train doors and they suddenly opened for me… thanks Sesame… :-)… And it took off before I had a chance to get ot my seat… Talk about split second timing… Well… tonight… It didn’t work out as well… Ho well… You win some, you lose some… But you can NOT beat the clock… It will keep on ticking, whatever you do, however you do it… Unlike you, it will never stop… Or at least, not in a foreseeable future at least… But we will… Our clock will stop… We can’t beat that… So let’s make the best out of it… Even if it means to miss a train once in a while, to run like crazy and still don’t make it… To have our lungs burning, even though we stopped running for over half an hour (I really need to start the gym again)…

Hey… I just beat one clock… I finish writing that post before the train left the station… Now I can spend the rest of the ride working on my novel… Will you read it?... No, not this post, my novel... Even if it is in French? Let me know if you want a copy of the original version, or if you prefer to get the new chapters as I rewrite them, I’m finishing the 5th of 18th chapters now, which is about 80 pages out of roughly 300… Interested? Let me know!

BYE
MAD… Still coughing… Damn…

About repairing VS getting a new one?

2008-12-11T15:31:00.003-05:00

Sitting in the bus again. Rushing home to get the kids to their dance and acting classes on time (yeah, right, wishful thinking).

I need to get new boots… I walk much more now, and since I’m often at the last minute, I walk quickly, and without proper shoeing, it ain’t now fun. I had a very comfy pair last year, and had to resort to my previous pair this week ‘cause the newer ones died on me. A big hole on the side is letting all the slush in and it ain’t no fun either… Especially these last few days… So I’m now using an older pair of boots that don’t let anything in… Except pain!!!

I wonder if I should try to get the newer ones repaired. Would it be worth it? It’s not just a question of money. I can easily afford new boots, and could definitely afford the repair. It is more about the trouble that goes with it. Seems like it is so much easier these days to get new stuff as opposed to get the old things repaired, I wonder how we got there…

A few generations away, people would repair themselves what was broken (at least most of the time), and most of these things they had, they built themselves anyway. Nowadays, we depend on so many things that we have no clue how they work, we wouldn’t dare trying to repair them ourselves.

Like recently, I decided to sew a few pairs of my favorite socks that had holes at the tip of my toes (I know, cutting my toenails more often would help prevent such problem, but would you please get off my back? Look at your own toenails! Are they always bright and shiny? Well… shut it! will you? :-).

Anyway, I really like these socks, they’re comfy and look pretty good on me. And since I hate shopping and don’t mind playing with needles and pins, I decided to sew them myself (as opposed to others who like to suit at will, I would rather sew ;-). I was chatting with a very good friend of mine (a woman, of course), and she was very surprised that I would do this as opposed to simply buy new socks… Even she doesn’t repair socks (and she has three boys), she says nobody does that anymore, especially men (stereotype intended here :-)…

So it seems people don't repair things anymore, they prefer to get new things… Could this be why relationships don’t last as long either? Do you see a pattern here? ;-)

Anyway, change of subject, the other night, when I got stuck standing up in the bus for an hour and a half, there was this woman standing behind me (until I decided to turn around and then she was in front of me… haaa… much better… :-)… Well… She’s right in front of me again… Except this time, there aren’t that many people in the bus today, so I’m sitting, but she is not… weird… even though there is a lot of empty seats… Is she doing this on purpose? Is she sending me a message here?

Ho, and, BTW, she removed her clothing… Well… not all of it, of course, but she got her coat and a few other accessories off… Which makes me think it might not be the same woman, it is not the same coat… But woman do that sometimes… Change clothing…. Right?

No, I’m pretty sure that’s her. I remember well, because…. Well…. First…. She stood in front of me for about an hour and a half… And… I kind of have some experience at looking… right? And she has a few noticeable features that I quickly recognized… And no, I’m not talking about big boobs!!! Thought her small pair looks pretty nice, especially with this little hearth shape necklace that elegantly falls right into place… Wow… ;-)

Also, I had noticed her before we got in the bus the other day… While I was walking quickly to the bus (I told you, always at the last minute), I walked by and noticed her because she was walking almost as fast as I was while crossing the train station (which doesn’t happen often, I’m pretty quick… long legs… ;-)…

So I recognized her that other night in the bus (mainly from her coat, ‘cause, even if woman change clothing often, they rarely do it between the time they’re quickly walking across a train station and a few minutes late when they climb in a bus)… Actually, I just realized that she must have been standing behind me in the line up to get in the bus that was about 15 minutes late the other night… Interesting… So maybe… the reason she is standing in front of me now is that she recognized me too and decided to expose her nicely looking slim body right in front of me…

Dream on MAD… You’re not THAT interesting… At least not at first sight… Unless she reads your blog and couldn’t wait for you to talk about her… Et bien voilà! It’s done… Nice meeting you… And your name is…. ???

BYE
MAD

Canadian Winter Chaos

2008-12-10T09:00:00.007-05:00

A longer one
Sitting in the train this morning. Yesterday was our first snowstorm chaos. I left the office at about 8:50 PM, got to the terminus on time (the bus was supposed to leave at 8:58, but it only arrived at the terminus at 9:13), but there was a looooong line up. I have never ever seen this at that time of day, and only rarely, even at rush hour… wow…

On top of that, the bus took took a long detour to another bridge (I heard of delays of up to 5 hours to go home on a route that usually takes less than an hour with regular traffic). So I got to my car in the bus terminus parking at about 10:20 (the bus ride is usually 15-20 minutes top, and this time, for one of the very rare occasions, of course, I was standing up, no seats left, of course, and thus no writing, whether for you or for my novel, ho well..). I then took a few minutes to scrape off the ice and snow off my car, and then a few more just to get out of the parking lot… ‘cause… ‘cause… I’m dumb…

But to my defense, I will state that I got home pretty late on Monday night (guess why? ;-), and had to get up very early Tuesday morning, because our office was sponsoring an innovation in technology interest group breakfast (or something like) so I had to be at the office before 8AM. So I didn’t get check the weather and didn’t think twice before choosing which car I would use… stooooopid…

My Mazda RX8 is not made for the Canadian winters… Ho… I do have winter tires, of course, otherwise, I would still be in the parking lot this morning… But my little toy is not very high above the ground, and the parking lot had not been cleaned yet… D’Ho…

But anyway, I eventually got out of there, and the highways were pretty clean, but still, I was being careful and didn’t really benefited from all the advantages of owning a nice car like this… When I got to the last turn to my street… Ho no… They had not cleaned it up yet… Damn… though… There always is a bright side… I had less snow to remove from my drive way, ya know… But… I got stuck twice… In the middle of the street… A few 100 meters from my home… Câlisse…

Anyway, I finally got home a little after 11:00, and took a few attempts for my little baby to climb up the little slope of my driveway (after spending 10-15 minutes to remove the snow from there, of course), up the to the garage where it belongs in those rough Canadian winter days… You can bet, that this morning, I took the Murano (though it had about a feet of snow on it, and about a centimeters of ice to top it off, though it was fun to break the ice crust with nice fluffy snow underneath it :-)… Was almost tempted to take the clean and warm RX8 that slept in the garage…

Talking about sleeping… I got woken up by my kids this morning, even though they were with their mom… they called me at 7:15, to double check if their school was opened, they didn’t believe their mom… Aren’t they sweet?... Though I was sleeping so tight, ‘cause you can guess that I couldn’t get to sleep right when I got home, I was all wet and sweaty and full of adrenaline, so I had a beer, watched the tube a bit and did some email (I know, I’m addicted to email) so I didn’t get to sleep until about 1AM… Ho well… I love those kids anyway... Of course…

And even the winter weather… OK, yes, it caused chaos yesterday… Ho! BTW, GG had a lucky bad luck event yesterday. She had a little accident with her car on the way to work. Nothing serious, no injuries and no damage to the car (fortunately), just the towing fees and some scare. So she worked from home… Talk about a lucky bad luck ;-)

And looking outside the train window this morning… It is simply gorgeous. Ice rain can create such marvelous landscape. Even dead trees look nice this morning. There is an field close to the train tracks crossing highway 30 where many trees have been dead for many years. It usually looks like a scary swamp as we see in movies… But this morning… It looks great… See… We can find beauty everywhere, even in the result of a chaotic snowy/ice storm…

Ho… Talking about beauty… I should get my eyes off the laptop screen and see if I can also find some interesting landscape within the train, not just through the windows ;-)…

Have a good one!

BYE
MAD

My lonely Sunday...

2008-12-08T09:12:00.005-05:00

Salut again,

still sitting in my living room but not on the same sofa, I took the opposite one this morning... Working from home until the voting office opens... I take a little break to have a healthy breakfast (what? Nutella is very healthy you know) and a nice hot café latté... miamm... And thus I decided to tell you a little bit about what I did (or didn't do) yesterday...

When I wrote about it yesterday, before I actually started my day, even though I told you I didn't have a plan, there were a few things I wanted to do... Like working on my Novel (didn't do it), get some work done (didn't do much, just hit a few walls, ouch!), do the laundry (I finally started it this morning, I had to sleep in the guest room because I had removed the sheets from my bed and they were lying on the laundry room floor, I didn't feel like putting them back, they're in the dryer now), get some rest (I got a good chunk of that), and have dinner at la Piazzetta with my parents... Got half of that done... My parents couldn't make it...

I got through a few backlogs of personal emails, listened to some music, had a few beers and chips, learned a new song on the guitar and vocals (Your song, from Elton John, great song, I just love singing it... If only I could sing it right!!!)... I also lost plenty of time trying to get my cell phone plan upgraded with a data plan (now that they are getting closer to be affordable), but both Rogers and Fido's web site are just plain broken unless you want to get a new phone... I don't want a new phone, even if you are giving it to me for free... I already have a phone that I love... I just want to be able to frikin use it as it was designed to be... to access Internet wherever I am without having to pay zillions of dollars in monthly fees... geeez... I guess I will have to call... I hate calling these people, this is why I looooove the Internet so much... Ho well...

And then, it was already time for dinner (geee time really flies)...

My plan was to go have dinner with one of my favorite friends, the one that often goes to bed with me and get me to go to sleep later than I sometimes wish I would.. You know who... My computer of course... :-) I wanted to go work on my novel while having a good salad at my favorite local restaurant but faith decided otherwise. I arrived there at the same time as two couples that are good friends of mine, they were with their kids (and the kids are friends of my kids, of course, but my kids weren't there, they're with their mom, I told you I was alone yesterday, weren't you listening? :-)... So... I didn't get to work on my novel, but I had a great dinner with friends...

It was interesting to hear them half jokingly bitching about their relationships and how they all have to make compromises for each other, and all these other things we complain about when we are in a relationship... Yet... I could feel the love between them... Real love... And I couldn't help being a little jealous of their complaints... As I was saying yesterday, about complaining that we don't have enough time for ourselves, and then, when we finally do... we feel lonely... Aren't we all fucked up or not?

Anyway, it is now time for me to get my ass off the couch and go vote before I get to work and be productive, so that I feel I deserve all these great perks that Google gives me (at least up to now)... But before I go... I want to come back to this complaining thingy... I usually try not to complain about anything... If it is too cold in the winter (or on a freezing autumn day like today... geeez -20C...), I remember the moments in the middle of summer when people were complaining it was too hot to sleep because their air conditioning was broken (or nonexistent)... I didn't complain then, because I knew that it would eventually get so cold that I would miss this over heat... Of course, these are extremes, but what I want to get to is, like whether you're in a relationship or not, stop complaining, make the best of it... the opposite side will show up soon enough and you will then complain that you miss what you were complaining about before...

Got it?

Now just shut up and get productive (ho, sorry, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to myself... Go MAD Go... literally! :-)

BYE
MAD... Having fun... as always... :-)

What a week-end...

2008-12-07T11:28:00.002-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the living room, still in my PJs... Yes, I do wear them, but only when I get up... Guess what I wear when I sleep? When I DO sleep ;-P...

I was thinking, while typing the first word after Salut, above (which is a classic BTW, in the last 20 some years I have been using email and other sorts of virtual communication, I always started my message with "Salut [somename]," and end them with "BYE\nMAD" :-)... But I realize now that I start most of my blog post by saying where I'm sitting... Maybe I should change my name for Sitting MAD :-)... Whatever...

I had a great week-end so far (and intend to rest a little bit today so that I can properly attack next week, which seems promising too). First things first, office party on Friday. As I was telling you my my previous post, me and an another guy were volunteers to take care of the entertainment and be the skemmtanastjóri (which stands for something like Master of Entertainment in Icelandic). We only had a few people that registered to present something, but it ended up much bigger than we anticipated...

Many people stepped up to the plate with amazing performances... we had a lot of fun... I filmed a few of these performances but didn't get to transfer the videos in my computer yet. They will most likely show up in my Youtube account at one point... Stay tuned...

And last night... I went to see Mes Aïeux, they are amazing!!! I already love them on CD, and live it is even better... I'm not a big fan of folk or traditional music, but they do it in a kind of modern way and put a special touch to it that I just love... Very good musicians, great arrangements, all sorts of instruments and excellent vocal harmonies too... But what I love the most about them is their lyrics... So well written, funny, good rhythm, etc... Simply... Excellent...

OK, now to my Sunday alone... What will I do with it? What would YOU do with it? Do you often have full days alone with nothing planned like that? I must admit there are two edges to this sword... It is attracting in the sense that we often feel we don't have enough time for ourselves... And yet, when we do get some... We feel lonely... At least I do... But I don't want to complain about it... It's my choice... and I respect it... So let's see how I use this day... Of course... I'll try hard... to.... HAVE FUN!!!

Talk to you later...

BYE
MAD

On or off... stage

2008-12-05T08:51:00.004-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the train… For once, I was in the train about 10 minutes before departure… I usually get it at the last minute (and once in a long while… too late…)… It’s a p-day at school today and the activity for the school day care service only starts at 9 so I went to have breakfast at the little café with the kids… they love that… and so do I… :-)

At the time I got in the train, there wasn’t anybody, so I couldn’t really tell you about the cuties around me (‘cause I know you are all craving for that, right?)… But I just added this paragraph as we just got through our 5th of 8 stops (which I rarely do, add paragraphs; you usually get a single stream of consciousness with only a few minor spelling tweaks done afterward). Why do I add this paragraph you think? Come on, I know you can easily guess… yess… that’s it… A good-looking girl just took the side seat right in front of me…

I’m sitting in a front facing seat with no other seats in front of me, but the side seats where she is sitting, so I get a pretty good view of her young body… I would say, she’s about 25… OK, maybe 21… I have no clue… Definitely much younger than me anyway… So I thought I would share this with you by inserting these two new paragraphs here, that I wrote after the rest, but that you get to read before… I love this… And hey, it could have been worst, I could have told you about this even younger red head teenager that got in a few stops ago… but I won’t… OK, now back to what I was writing about 20 minutes ago… ;-)

Tonight is our office Christmas party… Last year we were about 20 (about 12 employees and 8 spouses) and this year we should be about 30… So not too big, yet, not that small either. I used to be part of the Christmas parties organization for the last few years at my previous job, and was usually the MC of the night… Tonight, I’m sharing this task with one of our two interns.

The theme tonight has been suggested by one of our Icelandic colleagues who tried to make us believe that it is a tradition in their country to have the MC(s) motivate people to expose some special talent of their own to entertain the rest of the gang (now you’re starting to see where I was going with the subject of this post :-)…

I have been pretty busy at work these days and my CoMC is not the most vocal guy, so we didn’t succeed much so far in convincing people to sign up to take a part in the entertainment tonight (we both did, each with a partner, but that’s about all we got). But I have a few ideas of how I could convince them on the spot… And I have warned them that they should prepare something because they will go on stage whether they like it or not…

I often wonder what scares people when comes time to express themselves in front a crowed? Other people’s judgment? Lack of self-confidence? Lack of interest? I have a hard time with that, because, for me, it is the other way around… I have a hard time sitting in a room when there is a stage and I’m not on it. So others could ask: “what’s wrong with these people that are always looking for the follow spot?”, and my answer is very simple… IT FEELS SO GREAT!!!

I simply love being on stage… I really miss it when I don’t have opportunities to show my talent in front of a crowed. “Show off!” some people would shout… but of course… What’s wrong with that? Everybody likes to be entertained, right? Everybody likes getting attention, right? OK, some will say: “Ho, he is so much in need of attention, poor kid”… WHY? What is wrong with needing attention? When someone eats do we say: ‘ho, he is so much in need of food, poor kid”… Or when we breathe? OK, I think you get it… :-)

It is true that some people may become annoying with it. We don’t have the same level of endurance regarding entertainment… And we don’t all appreciate the same type of entertainment (don’t worry I won’t get naked with a light shade on my head ;-)… But still, I really get the feeling that many people over exaggerate their fear of stage and thus will also over complain about those who do like to be on stage… Are they just jealous? What do YOU think?

All in all, this is simply about HAVING FUN!!! So why not? :-)

BYE
MAD the stage addict…

The Beauty and the Bus

2008-12-04T09:35:00.002-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the bus again, as I do on an almost daily basis (if you don't count week-ends and days when I take the train, or bring the car downtown). I was walking under the rain in the parking lot and thinking that it's been a while since I told you bus stories involving good looking girls.

Oddly enough, I'm currently sitting besides two beautiful young women, both with long dark hair and pale colored eyes. Maybe they are twins??? Hhhhuuummmmm twiiiiinss.... :-)

One of them has a very good-looking diamond ring on the third finger of her left hand... Lucky man... Lucky man... The other one is reading a book, so I can't see her fingers... The book is in English, but I can't see the title... ho well...

The bus is packed (as usual, which is actually a good thing, less cars on the street, or at least, across the bridge). We're sitting on the three side benches that we must flip to sit on, so not too comfortable, and my left arm is stuck against a little half wall/handle by the side door, so it is not easy to type... But it is worth it... The young woman reading besides me smells pretty good... :-)

What? Can't I enjoy this? If we put perfume (or use any other perfumed products on our body), isn't it so that others appreciate our smell? How often do you hear someone say that they appreciate the smell in a jam-packed bus? So think again before calling me a pervert (or whatever other term you might have came up with) when I tell you that I like the smell of the beautiful young woman reading besides me with her paled colored eyes brightening through her long dark hair... OK?

I know, I know, most of you reading this have heard me say things like that before, and if you are still reading this far, it is because you appreciate it... No need to thank me... But please leave a comment if you feel like it, right TD? :-)

We just got off the bridge now. Not that I can see a thing through the wet and humid windows, I just feel it on my butt... We stopped getting the bridge bumps and now we are getting the bad road vibrations we always get on the island...

We have a tendency to blame the city (or the province) for the bad state of our roads, and they truly deserve a large portion of that blame... But there isn't much that can be done against our local weather, without substantially more money, and I don't often hear people saying that we don't give enough money to the government... But hey... If we can't complain about the way the government takes care of our roads, what can we complain about? Not the smell of the people in a jam-packed bus, right? At least... Not me... Not today... When sitting besides the Beauty in the bus... :-)

Cool… We just got passed the first stop (the only one before the terminus), and neither of my beautiful neighbors stepped out… Let’s see how long our paths will be the same… I might tell you more about it a little later… Maybe before I actually post this… but then again… maybe not… We’ll see… Till then… HAVE FUN!!! :-)

BYE
MAD

The carrot and the stick

2008-12-03T08:03:00.008-05:00

Salut,

sitting in my bed... I have a hard time getting up these days... I usually wake up often during the night, but now I just got two nights in a row where I don't think I woke up once in the 7-8 hours I slept... Yet, I still have a hard time coming back to life... weird...

I dream a lot though... I always dream quite a lot, but I get a feeling I'm dreaming much more these days, and very weird things too... For example, last night, there were many images of the current blurryness at work, but getting to work on ice skates, and having an ice skating path through l'échangeur Turcot in Ville St-Jacques, near the Angrignon exit, including an ice rink overpass...

That was weird, but even worst than that, meeting Marc Labrèche playing a guitar and borrowing it from him, only to realize it is all fucked up, OK, missing strings, having strings just going half way through the neck, OK, but then he gives me some sort of appendage that you stick to the guitar as a neck replacement, that was a little weirder, but the worst of it, is that I had a hard time playing the guitar because it was full of... spaghetti and meat sauce... Now THAT's weird...

I usually dream about stuff that are a little less weird, and I actually enjoy the other lives I live while I'm sleeping. But that's not what I wanted to to talk to you about this morning. I was thinking about a very interesting conversation I had with a friend last night, where I was telling him about how pain and pleasure drives our lives, and not money or the economy.

I think Freud said that we only have things driving us, sex and survival. Darwin would agree since we need the survival instinct to... survive and the reproduction instinct to... Of course... reproduce... And this is why sex is soooo much fun... Otherwise, who would reproduce just for the fun of it... And since survival can be so painful, yet crucial, we have to go through pain to keep having pleasure...

the carrot...

and the stick... ;-)

I truly believe that we are only driven by pain and pleasure... How much pain are you willing to endure to get to the pleasures you want? How much pleasures are you willing to deprive yourself to avoid the pain associated to earning those pleasures? And yes, I admit that the economy is a strong portion of that, how much money are you willing to painfully invest in the pleasure of buying?

I have a brother who is voluntarily single (and have been for a while) because he says that having someone to satisfy his needs of companionship that he strongly feels about 2 days a month, is not worth the investment of the painful compromises you need to make when you live with someone else during the other 28 days of the month... Or something like that...

So what drives YOUR life? The economy? The society of mass consumption, which we live in? Or... the carrot... and the stick?

BYE
MAD... The carrot?
or
MAD... The stick?
S:-P

About winter...

2008-11-28T22:42:00.007-05:00

I used to hate winter... When I was a kid, I was convinced I would move out of Montreal as soon as I would get a chance. I was always attracted by California and Australia but anywhere without rough winters would do.

I met the mother of my kids at the university. My initial plan was to go do a PhD at MIT or Standford but she wouldn't follow, so I didn't go (I also got the opportunity of starting my PhD without finishing my masters degree, because I was sooooo gooooood :-). A friend of mine said that I was week... I had the choice between promise land... and.... sex... And I chose sex... week.... week.... soooooo weeeeek... ;-)

Well, as we often say, even though that relationship didn't work out for more than say... 16 years and a half... I have two great daughters, so it was well worth it...

But back to the subject of winter, it is true that having kids, help appreciate winter. They simply love it when it snows... But they don't have to shovel it!!!

I started to accept winter just a few years ago. There was about 3 feet of snow that had fallen during the night, and I had to go out to shovel the stairs down to our driveway (these are wide and deep stairs). I got dressed, sighing loudly, kind of discouraged about the task at hand, but resolved myself to do it.. I had no choice, right? Well... When I opened the door and stepped out, in the freezing cold, I took a deep breath of fresh dense oxygen, and actually appreciated it... I look at the big pile of snow in front of me and decided not to discourage myself as I usually do and approach it just one step at a time... A 3 feet deep step, but still... One step at a time... And I went through the whole thing in no time... And felt good about it...

Since then, winters have been much easier for me (though last year, I was really thinking about moving to California, and work at the Google head quarters, but I would never leave my kids behind, so this time it is not sex that prevented me from going to promise land, it is responsibilities... though it all started with sex of course... whatever)...

And the reason I wanted to talk to you about it today, is that I had a few interesting moments recently, where I simply walked in my kitchen, and had a winter feeling (I don't know if it is the outside temperature, the early darkness or what), but it really felt like winter and I appreciated the warmth of my kitchen and it kind of brought me back to passed winters spent in this kitchen (don't ask my why the kitchen, I don't know, there seems to be a special aura in there), but the weirdest thing is that... it felt... good... weird... It feels like winter, and it feels good... Really weird...

I tried to analyse this... Maybe it is because it reminds me of past winters when my family was still whole and I had my kids full time with a woman in the house... Maybe... Then again, maybe not... Maybe I actually appreciate the fact that for a few months we get secluded in our houses, and the warm comfort of our kitchen brings us a sense of well being that I learned to appreciate... Maybe.. I don' know...

How do YOU feel about winter?

BYE
MAD

Sleepy in the bus...

2008-11-27T09:23:00.001-05:00

Salut,

sitting in the bus for my first morning ride in almost two weeks now. Got back from California Tuesday night, and did a little detour to GG's place until the wee hours... Hey... I had not seen her in about 10 days, come on, gimme a break... So I went home and went to sleep a little before 4AM on Wednesday morning, woke up at 8h24 to catch the 9AM train (I find the train more comfortable, but the schedule is not flexible enough for me to take it often... I could have used the train this morning, it is 9h23 now and the bus is just starting, so I would have been sitting in the train for the last 23 minutes as opposed to freezing my ass out at the bus terminal, but since the earliest train back is at 15h40, arriving home at 16h20, it will be a bit tight for my Thursday taxi night, there is a kids dance class that starts at 17h15 and I must have time to get some grocery, prepare dinner and eat it before, so out of the train at 16h40, at school 5-10 minutes after, kids out of school another 5-10 minutes later, this doesn't leave me much time...

Anyway, sorry for the information overload, but hey, I don't think you would be here reading this if you didn't crave for more... :-) But I must admit, it might not be as interesting to read about my public transport timing issues not being well synchronized with my kids school and leisure, but it's not just about what we say sometimes, it is how we say it that makes it interesting or not.

One of my literature teachers once said (and I say that, like if I had many of them when I only been to 3-4 creative writing courses at UQAM :-), most if not all stories have already been written. We simply tell them differently now, but all in all, they are the same stories told again and again and again and again... And we are not only talking about Hollywood movies here (and don't get me wrong, there are lots of good movies made in Hollywood, I just use it to make a point). We have been telling each other stories for a few hundred thousand years already, and there is only a finite set of them...

This reminds me of a very good short story from Borgès in his Fiction collection about an impressively large library that contain all potential books of 410 pages, each having the same number of lines and each lines with about the same number of characters. Every possible combination of characters was there, so there were lots of books. Only a small portion of these books were actually readable, and even fewer actually made sense. Yet, since all the possibilities of combinations of characters were there, all possible stories (that could be told in this given number of pages) were somewhere to be found, including the exact story of your life, or mine or anybody else, whether real or fictional... This is kind of impressive... mind boggling actually... Can you imagine finding one of these books? Wow...

So the point is (yes, there is a point to all this, even though it isn't always clear to me when I start writing a post, I always end up converging to something kind of interesting, and it is rarely on purpose :-), I didn't want to believe it then, but I do agree now that all stories have been told, all possible lives have been lived, yet, we keep on kicking, and I keep on writing... because, it is not only about the story itself, it is how it is being told, it is not about the life that you have to live, it is how you live it, or again, as I quoted Mr. Randy Pausch in a previous post, it is not about the cards you were dealt with, it is how YOU decide to play them.

So even when I simply tell you stuff that might not seem interesting in itself, ask yourself why are you reading? How come you want to keep reading? Is it just curiosity? Or is there something bigger, something harder to explain or even understand, that keeps us all together, like the force. May it be with you!

BYE
MAD... Obi MAD Kenoby :-)

Prepare for take off

2008-11-25T19:55:00.013-05:00

Sitting in the plane, writing on a notepad because we just took off and we can't use electronic devices… But I just realized that taking off doesn't impress me as much as it used to… I remember the first time I was on a plane, taking off was soooo coooooool...

Ho, we can now use electronic devices, even though we must still keep our seat belt fastened, this plane has two distinctive warning lights, one for the seat belt and another one for "turn off electronic devices"...

So now, I'm typing on my computer, but not for long, because I don't have much battery left, I used it all on the first flight from SFO to ORD, and now I'm heading to Montréal.

So I'm hitting the save button every few seconds, because I don't trust my Mac to go to sleep elegantly, it sometimes do it in an unpleasant way... Ho well... Toys will be toys...

So, what I wanted to talk about is the fact that there are too many things that don't impress us anymore because we got used to it... Like the take off of an airplane... Or the colors of a sunset (though this still amazes me like crazy, I can't stop taking pictures of the sky at sunset even though I already have tons of pictures of sunsets, I just don't get tired of it)...

Actually, as I was taking pictures of the sunset and other interesting views from my airplane window between San Francisco and Chicago, I realized that I take way too many pictures... With digital, it doesn't matter too much, I used a bit of electricity, and shorten the life of my cell phone a little bit too, but nothing drastic so that it could be called waste...

But I wondered why I was taking so many pictures... Could it simply be to capture these moments that amaze me now, in case I get so used to them that they don't amaze me anymore? Like a plane taking off...

Or could it be because I'm alone? Since I have no one to share this with at the moment that I live it (like those walks on the beach along side California Highway 1), I take pictures to that I can share these moments with people like you until I get to live them with someone else?... Could it be?

I don't know, but at the same time, I don't want to stop being impressed by the magic of nature and also technology which you already know how much I love. When thinking about some pictures I took of myself on the beach, and also reading a book about the father of the main character that might suffer from Alzheimer, I was imagining myself, old and grumpy, not remembering a thing, and someone I love was showing me those pictures of the days when I was letting myself easily be impressed by something as simple as the sun setting down on the ocean while I watch it and take pictures of it with my back laying against the rock of a cliff...If I ever get in that state, with absolutely no chance of recovery... Please... pull the plug...

BYE
MAD... Feeling a little gray, coming back from Sunny California...

This is SOOOOO me....

2008-11-23T13:31:00.007-05:00

BYE
MAD
P.S.: Yes, I'm alive... And I'll be back with a few post that I worked on while off-line yesterday... after a week of crazy work work work across the meetings galore I was describing previously... Did you miss me? Please say yes!!! Because as you can see in the image above, I have no clue how love works... So gimme some... :-)

WTF do I do with my life?

2008-11-22T12:59:00.002-05:00

Sitting under the Californian sun at a terrace on Castro street in Mountain View.

View Larger Map
Click and drag on the map,
It's pretty cool!
Having a chicken Caesar salad and an Alley cat amber ale.
Don't know yet what I'll do with my afternoon. Might go to Napa. In my previous trips in the area, I often went to the beach, driving between the see and the cliffs, it's a beautiful scenic road the California Highway 1.

In those previous trips, I also often panic, thinking that I might not be properly investing the precious time of my life that I had the luxury of enjoying here.

I just took a picture of this page with an interesting shadow from my glass of water with coca cola logo on it.

Let's try it with my beer now :-)

OK, so, I was saying that I used to stress about not properly using my time here... But what does it mean to "properly" us one's time? It's all about what we want to do with our life, right? Most of the time, we think of what we are "going" to do with our lives, in the future tense... Like if our lives were only to become and never "to be"... Here... NOW!... So Now, I wonder, what am I doing?...

Well... I'm writing these words on a notepad that I will hopefully type on a computer (as I'm doing now, while eating at the Davenport Roadhouse :-) and post it (soon.... soon... :-)...

{some time passes}

Now I'm sitting in front of the starbucks (and I'm typing the text while in bed at the hotel) with a venti latté in my hand, ready to roll in the big Mercury Grand Marquis that Enterprise gave me because they were out of smaller cars... ho well...
But where will I go? So back to the topic of freaking out in the past because I might not "optimize" my time here based on standards that others have set to define what it means to "properly" use one's time... Well... you know what? I don't give a fuck!... I'm going to do whatever I please and if I feel like doing squat or even work instead of visiting a museum or watching a nice sunset while walking on the beach... Who cares?... My loss... My choice... But if I don't give a fuck, why should I worry... We are so weird...

Go MAD Go...

BYE
MAD
P.S.: I have a post about a similar subject, in one of my French blogs.

Meetings gallore...

2008-11-18T10:43:00.004-05:00

Salut,

this is a small morning quickie, to show you that I'm still alive, I survived an incredible number of hours sitting at meetings for a single day. A bunch of us (from Google Montreal) are here (Mountain View, Ca, in the silicon valley) to pick the next project we will work on... So we are courted by a few projects that we will get to choose from.

It is interesting to see how we are openly given a choice of what we will work on, yet reminded that what the corporate priority would be, trying to influence the choice a little bit... But so far, we are still free to choose... Though they expect us to be at least 5 on the same project for it to make sense to have people in Montreal working on it, so our freedom is kind of limited by the freedom of the others...

So it will be interesting to see what comes out of this... But I surely wouldn't this to sound like a complaint what so ever, I know that in most other normal companies, you don't 'really' get to choose what you work on, you are being assigned... Google is so cool...'

Well, I'll finish by letting you know that I'm typing this in my bed while GG is watching my my head laying on a pile of pillows using the newly released Google Talk Video, have youn tried it? It is really good... Try it... You'll see... And you'll see VERY CLEARLY... Google rules!!! :-)

BYE
MAD

About to take off...

2008-11-16T07:22:00.001-05:00

Sitting at the gate, waiting to board flight 8262 from United which is actually a Air Canada plane with another flight number, ho well…

It’s 7:23AM, we’re boarding at 7:30 to take off at 8:05. So I had set my alarm clock set at 5:00AM knowing I would take some time to get out of bed, in the shower, then in the car, on the road and to the airport early enough in case there would be some traffic at the customs and security. Of course, I had forgotten to print the details of my trip and the computer connected to my printer crashed (what else is new?)…

But I made it early enough to have time for a large latte and muffin (which I’m still taking some sips and pieces between the lines, like… now… :-))…

It amazes me to see the amount of detailed organizations our lives are floating through. Can you imagine the number of ideas from different people needed to converge so that the last 2 and half hours I have just lived worked as it did?

Some might say that simpler would be better. I could have woken up at the same time, have a breakfast at home, made from food that would have been raised on my land by a women that would have given me zillions of kids so that we would all get out of the house at sunrise and take care of the land and stock that feeds us. I would have built our house from my own hands with wood that I would cut myself on the land I own, etc… etc… etc…

But I was born with a set of skills that suites computer science so much better. And working for Google, which helps so many people find the information they are looking for. A company like Google, based on a technology like computers and Internet wouldn’t exist without the collaboration of multiple generations of people having the talent, the energy and the will to invent new things to make the life of others easier and hopefully more enjoyable.

Even though many people complain that technology has brought us a stressful fast pace life, I think it improved so many other things that it was worth it. It is just up to us to take the good and leave the bad out of it. Relax, don’t stress, breath in, breath out, one step at time, things will be good if you are good… Just trust your good side and invest a little bit of effort controlling the bad one, you’ll soon see, that you won’t try to blame technology so much anymore :-)

OK, boarding time… Talk to you later :-)

BYE
MAD
P.S.: Pour les francophones je vais aussi documenter mon voyage en Californie sur mon autre blog mad-voyages…

Sleep?

2008-11-15T07:56:00.007-05:00

Am I getting tired? I barely posted this week (though you are still loyal and come visit almost as often, thanks, I appreciate it). I've been going to bed late almost every night, but busy with other things than blogging. And I try to use my bus rides time to catch up on emails or re-work my novel (I'm half way through the 3rd of 18 chapters now, and I expect much less changes as I get closer to the middle since most people who read it, or at least the ones who told me about it, said that after the first third, or maybe half way through the novel, it becomes a page turner, you just can't let it got, let me know if you would be curious to try it, it is in French though :-).

There is one night that I crashed in bed around 8:32 to sleep almost one stretch (I almost always wake up a few times during the night), to finally wake up at 6:48... This is because I was under attack... A big bad flu bug was trying to get the best of me... But I fought hard... And I think I won... So far... Let's see if the early flight and the jet lag of my trip to California tomorrow will not give him an unfair advantage if he still have enough strength for a second attempt... We'll see... I should try to get to bed early tonight, but I have things to prepare, and will most likely have one last interesting visit from you know who before I leave for around 10 days (and then come back for 6 days with the kids)...

What I would have needed is a long sleep this morning... But I have a very hard time doing that... I don't know why, but mornings are not for sleeping for me... Actually, late nights either, I love to stay up late... Fortunately, my body doesn't seem to need much sleep (there are much more important things that my body needs, like FUN for example... ho... and food... One of the things that kicked me out of bed early this morning, besides the fact that I couldn't sleep, because I could have still at least stayed bed... but no... My stomach asked me to get up and have breakfast.... I could hear it.... grrruuummmmbbbbllleeee... I know, long parenthesis, sorry, but you are probably used to that by now :-)...

I wish I wouldn't need any sleep at all so that I would have more time to do all those FUN things that excite me... Like writing those stupid things that go through my mind all the time and hope to entertain you with it. Write a little less stupid things in short film scenarios, and then write hopefully intelligent and more interesting things in novels, and also get some work done for my employer so that I can pay the bills and have a few little extras like that great week-end I had last week at L'Eau à la bouche, etc... etc... etc...

But nope, my body doesn't like it if I don't sleep enough. Earlier this week, I had an ugly blood stain in the white of my left eye, I also have two bad 'aphthous ulcères' in my mouth, one on the side of the tongue close where the upper and lower teeth meet... ouch!... very painful when I eat (so I kind of lost my appetite this week), and another one on the inside of my upper lip... no fun...

So my body talks to me by sending those weird encoded message when I don't have enough sleep... I say weird encoded because I don't really feel sleep, I don't feel tired, my mood doesn't change much (OK, I might a little less patient with my kids, but I still make them laugh a lot :-)... So it seems I need to suffer to get the message and try to sleep more...

But next week, I'll be in California, this is not a place to sleep. I'm there for work, first, of course, but I also want to get the best of it... we'll see... I'll keep you posted... But for sure... I'll have fun... I know I will... Especially tomorrow... I already told about this girl I haven't seen in 27 years, right? I'm taking off in about 24 hours now...

Till then!

BYE
MAD

What are we doing here?

2008-11-12T20:00:00.008-05:00

Today I heard about a friend who passed away last night. Wasn’t a very close friend, but the little interactions we had a few years ago were very interesting. What struck me the most when I learned about his death is what his sister was saying about him; how he invested the last year of his life teaching others about life and death. You can read some of his teaching on a blog he wrote at http://healemru.com.

It reminded me of the Last Lecture from Randy Pausch, this Carnegie Melon professor who died less than two months ago after spending the last year of his life teaching the rest of the world about the importance of doing something with our lives.

Why wait for the last year of our lives to spread the word. I wrote an essay 10 years ago about the meaning of life (and I talk about it in this post about Making the world a better place). It was one of my first writing efforts and is a little clumsily written, but the essence of that essay can be summarized simply in two rules of life:

Do everything you can to make the life of others more enjoyable, either now or in the future.
Enjoy every moment of your life…
Thanks to all that others have done in the past (and present)
to make our lives more fun today.

In an even simpler way

Give for the future
Receive from the past

Darwin explained how natural selection helped species adapt to their environment by the survival of the fittest. Humans have found ways to adapt the environment to their needs and the ones that survived were those who paved the way for the coming generations… This is what makes us human…

So be human and invest your life in transforming our environment to better suit our needs, including yours… I know I will…

And never, ever, forget… to have fun!!!

BYE
MAD… a little sad, but still MAD…

Another morning train quickie

2008-11-12T09:21:00.002-05:00

Salut,

long time no see... Did you miss me? I missed you... But things are a little eclectic (I actually meant hectic, but eclectic kind of fits too :-) these days. I'm currently sitting in the train, half way to my destination (which is the downtown terminus, and my home stop is at the other end of the track), we are now crossing Mercier bridge, and the view is great here, especially with the clear and sunny blue sky we have this morning, the St-Lawrence river is a a truly beautiful sight.

I was going through my email and decided to take a little break to talk to you a little bit. I told you about Kino on Friday, and then I went to a very nice place in the Laurentian called L'Eau à la bouche. very good food, and wine (we had the special menu where they provide a different type of wine with all the different dishes and explain why they chose that specific wine, very nice)... Anyway, very nice week-end... I also went to a VIP night for a Kino fund raiser on Monday, that was fun too, and my usual 120Km detour got me home at 3h30 Tuesday morning, so sleep is kind of ow priority these days...

I also told you a few post back that there will be changes at the office and that I might have to go to California to discuss it (poor kid). Well we finally booked our trip, we will be there next week. But fun thing about this trip is that I will make a pit stop in Denver and stay there for a few hours to meet a friend. We have seen each other just once, and that was over 27 years ago... We have writtne for a few years after that and found each other again recently via Linked in (no, Facebook is not the only way of making contact with old friends).

We had met at the "Sitting bull" ranch near Lake George in 1981 (I think), she was from New-York. We actually didn't spend that much time together, but she was very good looking (and nice too), and I was a teen, you know... And the funny thing is that, fate decided that we would keep contact in an interesting way. We were about to leave, and my dad realized that there was a mistake on his bill (or something like that) and had to go back to reception. I followed him and saw her on the way, we talked a little bit and when I told her we were leaving, she offered to exchange address so we could write... And we did... For many years...

OK, I think need to go back to work... I don't even have time to work on my Novel these days, just a few minutes here and there on the bus. But I started working on the music that will go with. I went to spend the night at my friend Norm who has an interesting studio in his basement (and he's a much better musician than I am), so that we start collaborating on this music... I will most probably post the results of our creative sessions here... as we make progress...

Talking about creation, I still didn't talk to you about the Creators Club Redux, but I will... Don't worry, I will... But not today... Gotta go back to work... Anyway, we are approaching downtown now... So I wish you a good one... Till next time...

BYE
MAD

I'm gooooood... :-)

2008-11-08T10:20:00.006-05:00

Salut,

sitting at the Café l'Extasse, close to my kids school. I come here for good coffee and breakfast from time to time... I also sometimes bring dates here for the "day after" breakfast ;-)... This morning, I'm alone... Today is not the same kind of "day after", this morning is the day after Kino... And I feel gooood... I'm gooood....

I won the challenge of the month last night. with this movie:
The challenge of the month was to make a movie for blind people. A movie that we could listen to without any images, which we did at first, and then we played again the three movies that were presented for the challenge, but with the images this time.

You can find more details about Kino on our web site, but I can tell you briefly about the "Défi du mois" which is to make a short film that is not longer than 2 minutes and that has an imposed theme or technical constraint. We present all the "Défis" at the end of the night and we choose a winner from an applaudOmeeter (aka the very beautiful yet a little bitchy, in a very friendly way, Anaïs Favron ;-).

Last night, it was a close call... I think my film was better than the others, but the others had more friends there... :-) I know, it might sound pretentious and defensive but Anaïs said it herself, she decided that I was going to win because the applauds I had were more generalized and global, even if not quite as loud as some other much more localized applauds... Anyway, I won, that's what count...

I have been beaten before by a guy who had many more friends there even though his film was really not as good as this one which I presented on that night:

This actually shows that being good is often... not enough... There are so many things that are needed to achieve success... It takes some raw talent (I like to think I have that) and energy (which I know I have) as well as the guts to convince people that what you do is worth millions (I totally suck at this). I'm probably the worst salesman you will ever meet (if you ever meet me ;-). People like me need to collaborate with others who have that talent and are willing to invest it in combination with someone else talent and make it shine... I have not met mine yet... Ho well... But it's OK, because... I know... I'm gooood.... :-)

You don't believe me? Just take a quick peek at MultiMAD.com (in English or French). It is far from being complete but it should give you an idea of how good I am... :-) Some of you are already thinking: "How pretentious of him again. How dare HE tells us he's good, we should be the one telling him he's good, if he actually IS good." And you are probably right, I keep telling my eldest to stop saying how good she is and let others tell her... But at the same time, we must never ever forget how good we are...

I'm convinced YOU are good... Maybe not in the same fields that I'm good at... Most probably in some fields that I totally suck at... But YOU are good... I know you are... Do you?... So don't be shy... Be Good... And don't forget... HAVE FUN!!! :-)

BYE
MAD... the Gooood one :-)

Old habits can die young...

2008-11-07T08:31:00.002-05:00

Sitting in the car. Stuck in traffic... Bad move... I thought it would be OK, it's Friday... I just heard on the radio that the other bridge are clear... Ho well... That can happen when you make split second decisions...

I decided to take the car downtown today because I'm going to Kino tonight. I'm presenting a short film to take up the monthly challenge. This time, we have to make a movie for blind people.

Damn... I thought the traffic was bad on the bridge, and I thought I would be clear once on the island... But nnnoooo... Bonaventure highway is jam pack... I guess I lost the traffic patience I used to have before I started using public transit... Ho well...

Pink is entertaining me through this gloomy Friday morning traffic. I bought this CD for my kids but I'm starting to like it. I always find it interesting to look at how music evolve across generations, and how people deal with other generations' music. Just imagine how you felt about old people music when you were a kid. There is a very good chance that today's kids think the wand way about the music you like. And don't forget how you felt when old people were criticizing your musical tastes (or any other aspects of your life as a matter of fact), so be careful the next time you think about criticizing the tastes of another generation.

OK, I'm out of the car now. In the elevator up to street level. Will walk outside. It's nice outside this morning.

I hope you'll have a nice week-end. I'm going to L'eau à la bouche with GG tomorrow. I heard they have great food there... We'll try their Découverte menu which includes a specific selection of wine glasses with each serving... hummmm yummy.... I'll probably tell you about it next week... As for the other things I promised to talk about soon... So I guess will not run dry soon... if ever :-)

BYE
MAD.. getting older every day, yet staying as hip as I can... If ever...

Train quickie about Changes!

2008-11-05T16:28:00.003-05:00

Salut,

I’m on the train back home to pick up the kids at school after a two day break they spent with their mom. Then, we will go to the restaurant, as we’ve been doing for many years now. It's the traditional Wednesday night dinner at the restaurant. Some traditions are not meant to change.

With all the turmoil in the market these days, with the merger of some companies and the disappearance of others, even successful companies like Google need to react to these changes. Don’t get me wrong, Google is in great financial shape. But Google being smart, and Google not sitting on its success (trust me, even with all the success it has, Google has never ever sit on it, it’s true), Google still need to make sure it will remain in great financial state.

But I’m not worried, and I definitely won’t complain. I have friends who lost their jobs recently, some great brand names are on the verge of disappearing, history is turning pages faster than ever these days… And actually, all in all, change is good… But change can also be frightening.

I was totally scared when the prospect of a divorce started shedding some of its darkness over my marriage… But 3 years after, all in all, I think it was a good thing. Not that the change I’m referring to here (even if you have no clue of what I’m talking about yet), is not nearly as bad as a divorce… But it is a change anyway, and it will rock the balance of things for me in the next few weeks.

When I started the process of leaving Softimage, about a year ago, it really felt like a divorce. I had been thinking about it for a few years, and I felt I was breaking something that I had built for over 13 years. I felt loyalty to my employer who brought me so many good things, and I accepted the less good things that came with it… Just like a marriage… A job is very similar to a relationship…

This time around, it is very different. I won’t quit Google, and Google is not going to kick me out either. So the relationship stays, but the context will change… Google is realigning some of its strategies and it affects my involvement in the product I’m currently working on. Yet, it is still unclear what I will be working on. The good thing is that I know it will be something more important than what I was doing before. Because Google is smart, Google wants to do the right things, and have the right people doing it. So I trust Google to find me a better nest to lay my eggs based on the skills I have. So it will be a good change, so why is it scary?

It is probably that moment, in the middle, where you know what you are NOT going to be doing but you don’t know WHAT you will be working on… This is a little frightening… Exciting at the same time… But still… Frightening…

So I thought I would share this with you, and I will most probably have more to tell you about this in the coming weeks. I will most likely have to travel to California to discuss this with other people there (I know, life could be so much worst)… So I will stop here for now… And will keep more for later… As for that Creators Club Redux I was telling you about this morning… More later… Stay tuned…

BYE
MAD...
Who won't change... the world changes... But life keeps rocking!

A frame of mine is a friend of mind

2008-11-05T10:05:00.005-05:00

Sitting in the train. Had a great night with my friends of the creators club redux yesterday. I'll tell you more about them in another post.

But I forgot to recharge my MacBook (which I used to take notes last night) so I'm typing this on my phone... At least I'm not driving... :) And since I can hardly work on my novel on my phone... Might as well treat myself with a post... Yes. It is a treat to me to write to you like that...

About the title of this post "A frame of mine is a friend of mind". I like to coin these phrases with play on words. When I started writing lyrics to go with the music I compose, I was often looking for catchy phrases like that (one of my favorites and very early song I wrote in the mid 80's is called "A maze in love", it was inspirée from a McCartney song where he sings "baby I'm amazed at the way I love you".

Back to this "A frame of mine that is a friend of mind" thing. What could it mean? Even though these play on words often sounds like they were coined just to sound cool and not mean much, I believe that our mind (this friend of mine :) is much more powerful than we give it credit for...

So I guess this "frame of mine" is the way I organise things around me. I like it when things are well thought out, even though I may sometimes sound foolish and random (it's all a big scam you know:))... So you probably guessed by now what this friend of mind is... Like we all do with our friends, I try to take good care of my mind, and she has been very kind with me so far too (hey! A kind mind... That sounds pretty cool too, doesn't it?). Now if I could only say the same thing about my heart... Ho well... One day... One day...

Train is arriving downtown...

Have a good one...

Till next time...

BYE
MAD... The twisted mine :)

Moody weather...

2008-11-01T17:09:00.000-04:00

Salut,

Sitting in a restaurant of the dix30 after an afternoon of shopping with the girls. I'm typing this on my phone while the kids are reading new books I just bought for them, while we wait for our food.
We had a very nice day. Sunny and warm. Changed the tires on both cars, removed the Halloween decorations with the kids and they even had fun raking off some leaves and cleaning up the flower beds...

And you? How did you enjoy this great weather of the first Saturday of November? Don't be shy, let us know, I know you're dying to tell us... :-)

It's kind of amazing how the weather influences our mood. How come we (at least most of us) feel so much better under bright sunshine as opposed to gloomy cold grey raining clouds? Some will say it is obvious, but I challenge them to come up with an explanation that has more meat around the bone than over-simplistic statements like:
"because we feel better under good weather" or "it is just more comfortable"...

Aren't we comfy under a nice hot shower? Ok, we're naked and the water temperature is under our control, but still...

Is it just a question of comfort, or is there something else in rain and sunshine that affects our mood? What do you think?

BYE
MAD
P.S.: I took a few interesting shots of the day after Halloween...
Check them out: Halloween2008TheDayAfter

Trick or treat

2008-10-31T19:14:00.011-04:00

Salut,

OK, for those of you not on Facebook, here's your chance to see what I look like tonight (more pictures on Picasa). I'm sittig on my sofa in the living room with some Led Zepp playing back (The song remains the same album for those who care). I'm wearing the same dress I was wearing today at work, the one for which I won a bottle of wine for best costume of the day ;-)... I was telling the guys that I would think about them when I will drink it, and they said that they would drink to forget that they had seen me in that dress... Ho well...

It is funny to see the faces of the little kids when they see me open the door like this... The teenagers say that I'm kind of cute and the parents can't prevent themselves from laughing :-) Ho well... I'm having fun!!!

Both my girls are with friends having parties before and after tick or treating, I have no clue when they will come back (or call me to pick them up), so I stay here and wait, write you a few lines, listen to music and drink beer... Life is good. :-)

And you? What are you doing tonight? Or what were you doing on Halloween night 2008 if you read this later on? Come on, don't be shy, leave a comment... I know you want to do it... Go ahead, it doesn't hurt... And we like it... So if you don't do it for yourself, do it for us...
Have a ver good Halloween, a very good life, a good laugh, and never, ever, forget to have fun!!!

BYE
MAD... Or should I say, MADette??? :-)

Deadlines...

2008-10-30T08:31:00.002-04:00

Salut,

sitting on my sofa... No, I didn't bring my sofa in the bus, I have a dentist appointment at 10 and the cleaning lady is also about to show up. So I decided to give you a few minutes before I dive into work work work...

Deadlines... Without a deadline, I'm not sure I would have finished my novel. I decided at one point to finish it before a planned trip down south to meet a cousin of my wife who is living in Europe (yeah, I know, weird, he lives in Europe and we met in Dominican Republic, it was pretty cool actually). Since I wanted to bring him a copy of the first complete draft, I needed to finish it before the trip. I was about 100 pages away from the ending, and about 10 weeks left, so I had to write 10 pages per week. I invested all my lunch time to write at least a page, and then a page every night, and I would have the week-ends as buffer if I was going to run late... And it worked, I completed it before the trip...

Same thing for music. My partner Norm often asks me for deadlines so that we can push ourselves a little more into making music together. We had the deadline of my 40th birthday party to prepare a show, and we did (which reminds me, I should put some of the videos from that show on Youtube, eventually). We also participated in a couple of contest, so those were also deadines that pushed us into completing decent demos.

Same thing at work. Some people might not like it, it adds pressure, stress and frustration, but it helps us being more productive on a day to day basis, during the long season, instead of just waiting for the playoff...

Why do I talk about this today? It is because I'm running late on a deadline at work, and I'm not too proud of myself, so I try (really, I try very hard) to resist the temptation to come talk to you here more often... But... Now... I gotta go... Go MAD Go... Hit this deadline and move on...

BYE
MAD

I feel like posting in the bus...

2008-10-29T11:09:00.002-04:00

Salut,

sitting in the bus again. Was the first one in the bus this morning, I arrived at the stop just after the previous bus left. I like that. Anyway, at this hour (8:12), there is a bus every 2 minutes. Some of the buses have a few single seats, so I choose them when I can. I know, You will say that this is so unlike me, that I would strive to sit with someone, talk to them touch them... But no... You don't know me that well...

It's like when I tell people that I'm a very rational guy... They very rarely believe me. .... Sorry for the delay, I was putting on my headphones and cranking my iPod to U2 music (Sunday Bloody Sunday)... Ho right, you're reading this asynchronously so you can't tell how long I take to write a single phrase, a word, a single letter, or how much time spend in between them... ho well...

So... People don't believe that I'm a rational guy, but I am... I was telling GG last night that I think I must have frustrated my heart somehow at one point and it doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Some say that I just listen to him... But I do... I just don't hear anything. OK, nothing at all would be exaggerated (but you know me, why stop at the exact state of things when we can add some whip cream and sugar on top of it, right? mmmm whip cream.... mmmm:-).

I think that I feel with my brains instead of my heart and guts, and I've been doing it for so long that I'm getting pretty good at it. Another thing that may influence others in thinking that I'm not so rational, is the fact that I'm very loud and demonstrative. I strongly believe that it has nothing to do with feelings and emotions. Actually, the fact that I don't have much of those, helps me being so openly blunt, there are no inhibition getting in the way.

It's like when I talk about my marriage which failed after 16.5 years. I think it was a very rational relationship, on both sides (the mother of my kids is just as bad as I am on this side, if not even worst than me, if it wasn't for the fact that she is a woman, no stereotype here, women are much closer to their emotions than us stupid men). Anyway, we had a relationship that made sens. But there is no sens in love, love doesn't make sens... Come on, admit it!

But the good side of this (thus the analogy to what I was saying above), is that our separation and divorce was totally painless. OK, the fact that we are not short on money helps (especially the fact that I don't really care about money, so giving her half of what I had, when she didn't have much herself, was OK with me, it was the "rational" thing to do, and why worry, just do it and let go). But I think that the main factor for the success of our divorce (I tell you, it really is a success, we actually get along so much better now that we are separated, it is truly amazing), it is because there are so little emotions involved...

A rational marriage is bad, but a rational divorce is great. So I think that the fact that I'm so transparent, demonstrative, loud and open, is actually a sign that I'm a rational guy, emotions don't get in the way, I just do it. "Le ridicule ne tue pas" as we say in French, but so many of us are afraid of it. I'm not, fright is an emotion, and I don't have much of those.

But, although I love the fact that I can be very expressive, I don't want to be suited only for successful divorce... I would rather have had a successful marriage... Actually, I want to have a successful relationship, with true emotions, with real love... So I must apologize to my heart for whatever I did to him, and make him talk to me again. As the emotions slowly come back in my life, I sure hope that inhibitions will not get in the way so that I can keep being open with all of you and keep the clown alive... Some people seem to appreciate it... As for the others... fuck them!

BYE
MAD... being a bad boy and not working on his novel because he would rather talk to you in the bus this morning...
We're almost there now, just a few minutes before the terminus, so just enough time for a proof read of all I said above...
Enjoy... and have fun!
8:31

No bus rides today...

2008-10-28T10:23:00.002-04:00

Salut,

so I won't get to work on my Novel today (which I almost exclusively do on the bus these days)... And I didn't take the bus either last night, I had a nice (and very cute) little lady that gave me a ride to the bus stop parking lot on her way to Granby. And today, well, it' s 10:24 already, and I just got out of the shower, ready to leave for work. The parking lot will surely be full by now, and I will most probably work late tonight, so I might as well take the car downtown... I know.. Bad boy... No good... But a boy's gotta do, what a boy's gotta do...

So... I won't take the bus today, won't work on my novel or blog, and I might do a 120Km detour on my way home tonight so... I thought I would spend a few minutes with you, even though I don't have much to say except...

Ho... Wait till you see my Halloween costume... It is truly outrageous. I showed pictures to a few people that I know I won't see till Friday anyway and they freaked out (so did my kids). I don't want to put the pictures here until Friday because I will wear the costume at work and I want it to be a big surprise.

I will also wear it at home to give away candies... The kids will freak out when they see me... Much scarier than any vampire, skeleton, devils or monsters that you can think of... Just wait and see... ;-)

BYE
MAD... having a ball.. as usual... :-)

Bus ride quicky

2008-10-27T08:29:00.000-04:00

Salut,

this is a quickie bus ride post before I get back to my Novel re-write. Is it Halloween already? Some people really look like they are disguised this morning. There is a bunch of angels and demons and some even scarier creatures in the bus this morning. OK, I agree that's mean, but I can't help it.

It really amazes me to see all this spectrum of looks and expressions we, humans, can have. So it really is a good thing that we don't all have the same tastes because there are quite a lot of people that would stay single for a long time, and others with way to many suitors.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that some people are not worth it. They are just not interesting to me. As others might really not be interesting to you and I, myself, am most probably disgusting for many. So when I see a couple, and find that both of them are really not attractive (to my own picky taste I mean), I really envy them. They found love, they are attracted to each other and are very happy together (OK, I may be pushing it a little bit, I know that not all couples are happy together, but bare with me for a second).

Whatever the looks we have, nature provides us with a wide enough diversity in tastes and other interests, that everybody can aspire to find that special someone that will find them so attractive and interesting. Even those that I saw int he bus this morning and thought that they were disguised for Halloween... Isn't this great?

OK, MAD,back to your Novel, the bus just left the parking lot, so I better get at it if I want to finish this re-write before that woman standing besides me lose her balance again and send her big butt on my keyboard, or even worst, my face!!! (just had a butt kick on the shoulder now... geeessshhh)

BYE
MAD the bus rider... ;-)

The week-end before Haloween...

2008-10-26T20:27:00.004-04:00

Salut,

how was YOUR last week-end before Halloween 2008? Here's mine:

Friday:
Don't really remember... What have I done Friday night? Picked up the kids at school a little later than usual. Had pizza for dinner. Watched the tube with the kids. Went to bed early... but with my laptop... Bad idea... End up working and chatting in bed and get to sleep later than ideal... Had an interesting phone call at one point though... But I won't get into much detail and let your imagination flow... :-P

HO! Yes... Of course... It was Friday that I needed to dial 911 for the the first time in my life... But I already told you everything that needs to be said about that episode...

Saturday:
Dance lessons in the morning (no, no, no, not me, my kids, of course). Grocery and a quick lunch (Quiche Lauraine). Blogged about the Unbelievable Stupidity of the Friday night Fire. Got my nephew to babysit while I go to a family dinner with GG. There are a few birthdays in her family around this time (Ho, and she officially turned 40 on Saturday, I had already sang happy B-Day to her on the phone Friday night, remember? ;-)

Was raining like crazy on the highway to her brother's place in Magog, but it was fortunately quiet and already dried when I cam back home at the wee hours... Was hard to stay awake, but it was still worth the effort... héhé... ;-P

Sunday:
The kids (including the nephew who spent the night here, of course) got up around 8, less than 5 hours after I crashed in. I got up at 10h30 and did some work... Then it was the special Daddy's crêpes au jambon fromage for break-lunch (abbreviated to brunch). Marilaure had some school project to work on at a friends place, so Fannie and I went shopping for Halloween (after my mom came to pick up my nephew).

Added some outside decoration to the few little pieces I already had, and we we also bought costumes accessories for the three of us (wasn't easy to argue with Marilaure over the phone to choose her backup plan once we realized there were no Chinese costume available). Marilaure and I ended up with the same costume (with different sizes, of course). Can't wait to show you the pictures, but not until Friday night (or maybe Saturday morning). My colleagues will see it live on Friday, I'll wear it at work. And I will also wear it to give candies since the kids will go trick or treating with Friends.

Tonight, I tried another improvised recipe of chicken and multi-colored pepper in the Wok. This time, I added read crumbs and creates a sauce by blending a bit of Kikkoman sauce, cherry sauce, BBQ and also a new one I bought yesterday, General Tao sauce. It wasn't too bad, not great, but still, not bad for a guy that hardly cook at all... And we treated ourselves with a chocolate fondue for desert, but I goofed, I used a regular fondue burner... Bad idea... I then remember that all we need it a candle for chocolate fondue. D'Ho! So my container cracked and my chocolate got cooked and lost the perfect taste of Toblerone... Damn... Better luck next time.

We still ate like pigs, and I still feel it... Having a hard time kicking myself in the butt to cleanup the mess we left in the kitchen for dinner and in the living room when we tried out our costumes... I feel like going to bed right away (well, after I'm done with this post), but I need to wait for the laundry anyway, so might as well finish cleaning and then I can treat myself with some Google work before going to bed... Ho, but not before I prepare the kids lunches for tomorrow... almost forgot that one again...

I hope you had a good week-end, and that you will have a great week... If you remember to have fun, things should go alright...

BYE
MAD... not feeling like adding pictures or links... live with it!!! :-P

Unbelievable Stupidity

2008-10-25T11:51:00.007-04:00

Salut,

Those of you following me on Facebook most probably know by now that I had to put out a fire last night in front of my house... Yeah... Weird... An 8 feet tall evergreen, besides my front door, in front of a large bay window was on fire... What the FUCK!!!

It started while the kids were in the bath... Actually, Marilaure was done and was talking to her boyfriend on the phone (yeah, I know). I was playing the piano in the mezzanine when someone started knocking on my front door and ringing the bell like crazy. I thought it was one of my kids' friends... Come non already...

While walking down the stairs, I saw sparkling lights through the bay window and wondered... Hey... I didn't put on my Christmas light yet, WTF... So I go there instead of the door, cause... You know... Not sure which kind of freak is knocking at my door like that, I want to look through the window first to see who's there before opening the door...

WHAT? Flames!!! FIRE!!!! So I open the door to see a frighten friendly woman that was driving by, saw the fire and came to warn me... KUDOS MAM... She runs back to her car and I run back inside to dial 911... But the line is busy... No, not 911, my line... My daughter is still online talking to her boyfriend, so I ask them to hang up and finally contact 911.

They put me in contact with the local fire department and while I'm on hold (yeah, I know), I ask my daughter to take the phone again and tell them the details while I go take the matter into my own two hands. I get the hose out of the garage and start playing firemen (without the uniform, sorry girls, but the guys are on their way, a few of them were actually pretty good looking, you missed a good show, especially that they didn't have much to do :-).

I finally get to put out the fire on my own and the fire truck arrived a few minutes later. They looked around, make sure there were no damage to the house and that there are no sparks left that could start a fire again. No clue how it could have happened, they looked around a little bit more, no electricity there, nothing, and it's dark so we conclude to a stupid smoker walking on the street and throwing his cigarette butt randomly towards the house... That would be stupid enough to justify the title of this post... But wait, there is more...
This morning, when we got out to drive my little one to her dance lesson, her big sister noticed something under the tree that we didn't see yesterday because of the darkness. I look closer, and I recognize wrapped paper, like newspaper or magazine. But I don't have time to pick it up. So I guess, maybe a publi-sac that had been blown there by the wind at one point. And, bad luck, the careless smoker's cig butt would have landed right on it... Maybe... But wait... there's more...

When we got back home, I took the time to get that thing out of there. Wasn't easy to navigate between burnt branches, and walking in the mud... I even got a large trace of black soot on my favorite Quiksilver... Damn... But wait there's more...

When I pick up the big ball of wrapped paper (about 10 inches wide), big disappointment in the goodness of mankind... I see a large flat rock (about 25 square-inches and an inch think, FUCK!!!)... This seems to have been on purpose... TABARNACK!!!
Who the hell is stupid enough to do something like that???... If I wasn't there, my whole house could have been gone in hashes... Or worst, if that nice woman wouldn't have stopped to warn us, we may have not noticed in time, and my life, and even worst, the lives of my two innocent children would have been in great danger.... CALISS!!!!

Anyway, all is OK now, but that stupid butt head is walking freely and laughing at his own stupidity... What could have gone through the mind of someone to do such a stupid thing? To me... It is simply UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Unbelievable STUPIDITY!!!!

BYE
MAD... For once... I am.... Arrrrrrgggghhhhh....

I think I'm paranoid...

2008-10-23T20:03:00.011-04:00

Salut les amis,

No, I'm not talking about that very good song from that Wisconsin band that made it all the way to the Rock Band game... Though the first line is very well suited for a stalker ;-): "You can look, but you can't touch"
I'm talking about my walk out of the bus this morning. I wasn't following anyone... but I felt followed myself... I could hear her high heels on the side walk... After a street corner turn, we had the sun in our back and I could see her shadow at my feet... I savored the wind in her hair, even without seeing her, even if it wasn't really the wind but just the way she balances as she walks, I still savored it anyway...

And then I wondered if she was looking at my butt... It is a good thing I'm wearing my Quiksilver today, they fit me pretty well and I heard I don't look too bad from behind in these jeans... I wonder if she noticed...

OK, maybe it isn't paranoia, it is just wishful thinking... Anyway, at one point, I got to stop at a red light, and I think I saw her pass me by... Same hair style and same high heel boot sound on the sidewalk... But a weird half leather half fur coat though. Not really my type...

I was listening to my iPod which was singing loud and clear those famous words from Kiss: "I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me. And I can't get enough of you baby, can you get enough of me?"... Not that I think she could be the one to which I would sing this song, but it must be a truly great feeling to be able to say these words to someone and truly believe in it... One day... One day... It's like that couple in the movie that is currently playing on my TV, August Rush... Cute little movie, interesting music oriented love story (I love those, like Moulin Rouge for example)...

I sometimes wonder if this is just fairytale stuff or if we are all eligible for this grand prize called True Love? I sure hope we are, I bought my ticket a little over three years ago (and I paid big money for it, trust me, you don't want to know the real number$)... So I'm waiting for my number to show up... We'll see... we'll see... one day... one day...

BYE
MAD the naive believer...

Wednesday morning stalking

2008-10-22T08:33:00.000-04:00

Salut,

No, I'm not in the bus. I made it to the office without being arrested... no, no, no, I'm not that bad, I would never hurt anyone (at least, not voluntarily). But I must admit I kind of like stalking. One thing I noticed this morning (OK, I think I had noticed it before, but let's say I intellectualized it this morning)... Ho, and BTW, I'm all over the place, but I wanted to tell you that I have been listening more and more to The Nice Device and I really like their music, check them out, they're worth it...

So, about this morning's stalking, I realized that I don't always do it with women that I have seen in the bus and found cute... I sometimes simply walk and see the back of a head that attracts me... The color of the hair, the way it gets blown by the wind, the way the sweet skinned hand goes through it, the way she walks, the way her butt looks as she walks in front of me... I just can't resist.

But most of the time, as soon as I see her face... Big disappointment... Not my type (I resisted the temptation of saying plain ugly... oops... I said it... sorry...)... But this morning, when the wind blew her hair a little on one side while I was on the other side, watching her (of course), I could see her sparkling blue eyes and soft pale skin... Wow... She was a beauty... It surprised me because she walked in a weird way... The shape was nice, but the way her leg were landing on the floor with each step was not very gracious, her legs were not very straight, though they had a nice shape, a little skinny, but I like that...

So back to her face, at one point, she turned her head to look in my direction, so I could see it all... Wow, she really was my type... Though, unfortunately, way too young to even dream of talking to her, wouldn't be worth it... I know... Trust me... I know... Anyway, I'm not one that approaches unknown people like that, I'm more the type to watch and then describe here... I know... I'm sick... But I accept it... I am what I am... Ho, and I think she noticed that I was looking at her, and I didn't turn away as we usually do, I just smiled and looked straight in her eyes... She's the one who turned away... Ho well...

But all is not lost... On top of being too long, another very important point quickly changed my opinion about this mystery beauty, as we were about to get out of Place-Ville-Marie (yes, we did some of that stalking inside, it was raining and even snowing this morning), she slowed down (she was actually walking pretty fast all the way, I even had a hard time following her all along, there was some serious traffic in la gare centrale), so I slowed down (of course), and then she aimed for something in her purse... Could have been a gun or cayenne pepper to shoot in my face... But actually, it was even worst than that... She got a pack of cigarette our of there.... OK, I'm gone...

BYE
MAD
P.S.: BTW, on top of the snow this morning and the distinctive smell of a heating system that has not worked since last winter at the office, the most depressive sign that summer is over this morning... They tore apart the two restaurant terraces on each side of our building entrance.... Booohooohooo.... Till next summer...

Post bus ride post...

2008-10-21T18:47:00.003-04:00

Salut,

sitting on the couch, I was... But I had to leave to bring my daughter to her religion class (don't ask... please... don't ask...). So I'm now sitting in the back of a big suburban church with my eldest studying verb tenses besides me while the little one is being brain washed... ho well...

I spent the bus ride back home to work on my novel (although my corporate MacBook didn't want to behave and I had to reboot it at one point... tempted to change it back to a real PC, grrrr). I was proof reading the initial chapters that I had already re-written.

I also spent some time in the morning ride to read comments I had received from friends of mine. One of them used to work in a police department and was telling me that some of the things I describe, from the police point of view, never really happen in real life... I guess it is the same as when I read a book (or watch a movie) where computers and or programmers are not really behaving like in real life... Ho well...

One thing I really need to work on though is the language level of my characters dialogs. My first incarnation wasn't very consistent and was too close to written language as opposed to spoken language... I'll try to fix this.

If you are curious to read the new version as I write it, so that you can provide me with comments, feel free to ask and I will more than gladly send you the pages that I have recently worked on...

OK, so if I want to complete it at one point, I might as well get one with it... So I will wish you a good night if you read this tonight (or a good day otherwise) and I might stop by to tell you a few words tomorrow morning... We'll see... Till then... Have fun!

BYE
MAD

80-20, writing or re-writing?

2008-10-21T10:44:00.005-04:00

Salut,

OK, MAD decided to give another try to finishing the re-write of his novel and to also finish composing the music to go with it. Time to get my music partner involved and retry our weekly meeting to work on it (we used to invest our Tuesday nights to composing and recording music, this is how a few songs were born or older songs recorded properly, he's good, he's really good, not MAD, Norm of course). I just need to kick myself in the butt, to get that last 20% part of the work done, instead of, as usual, invest my time in the 80% work of a new project.

What motivates this move? Is it because of the comments I got from GG after she read the first incarnation recently? Is it because she kept me awake till the wee hours last night (her place always seems further from mine when I'm coming compare to when I was getting there, go figure :-)? Or is it because I got started again on writing by sharing my twisted thoughts with you on a regular basis? Or is it because another friend told me that I should be working on my novel "instead" of writing a blog (but, don't worry, I'm confident I can do both, it is kind of like going to the gym AND playing OK, both can be done and one can help get better in the other)? Or is because TD told me she would read it but only once it is published? Or is it because of my natural cycle of going from music, to writing, to photography, to film-making and then to music again, writing again, etc... etc... etc...

Whatever reason, I'm now sitting in the bus that is departing from the suburbs parking lot that was completely full this morning and even spilled over to the streets around it so I had to walk a few blocks under a small sparkling rain to get to the bus stop, and I will complete this post in a minute or two, and open the new version of my novel (which I already started rewriting a little while back) and get to work... And have fun doing it... :-)

BYE
MAD
P.S.: No time for links or images this morning, sorry, plain old blog text... Hope you enjoy it anyway...

Dreaming in traffic

2008-10-20T09:17:00.006-04:00

Yo...

Sitting in the car.. Typical suburban traffic to cross a bridge. So I pick up my phone... but not to make a call, that's illegal now. With all these SMS I exchanged in the last few years, I'm getting pretty good at typing without looking at my phone.

I had a bad night sleep last night. Weird dreams again... I often dream weirdly... I know... Not surprising... Anyway I much rather dream than suffer stomac pain like my friend TD... Poor kid...

I hope I'll be in good shape tonight... Going for a few beers at l'ile noire with university friends and might do a pit stop in Granby afterward... So I really need to be in good shape, right? :)

On the bridge now... Going at 70 klicks... So I guess I should stop writing...but I can't... I told you... I'm addicted to you...

On the island now... Took about 20 mins to get on and across the bridge... Note too bad...

Hope you're having fun reading this (otherwise, why bother, right?), and I wish you even more fun for the rest of the day, week, month, year, and through the rest of your life... Love ya...

BYE
MAD... Driving downtown now... :)

Sunday morning Latté...

2008-10-19T10:47:00.008-04:00

Salut,

Sunday morning... Got up around 10... Though I was woken up by the kids getting up around 7, they were nice enough not to come see me.... Got back to sleep for a few hours...

Did some Laundry... checked on the kids playing Rock Band in the basement... Seem OK... Put on some music... Make myself a Large latté poured some cinnamon on top of the perfect milk foam... took a sip.... Haaaaaaa.... THAT is a Sunday morning... Although... Having someone else to enjoy it would be nice... But that's OK... It will come...

Last night was a lot of fun... We were at my parent's place (they still live in the house where I grew up, they moved there in 1964, when my mom was just about to turn 30... wow). My eldest brother lives in the basement, this is where I spent time fighting with a virus last Sunday and missed my friends show... Last night, I had my revenge... The PC is clean now...

I also got my mom to read the post I wrote about her... She was very happy about it. She also told me why she wasn't using her PC as much, the little nephew keeps on screwing it up... So I fixed this and setup her account so that she can start using it again... We'll see...

Haaaaaa.... Just took another sip of latté... Ho... I think I have some cinnamon flavored milk foam on the tip of my nose... sorry... I'll have to type faster, the kids are getting hungry... They want me to bake them some ham and cheese crêpes. Yeah yeah, let me finish my coffee first (don't worry, they had something to eat when they got up, they're big enough not to die of hunger on their own).

I was listening to the Indie rock CDs I bought at the show last week (The nice Device and Nista), I really like the grooves of The Nice Device, and, of course, my friend Tommi and his girl friend Stina have done a really good job with their latest EP.

So, of course, I tell myself... Why don't I do the same? Maybe I could try out this new Indie Rock style... Pick up my electric guitar and rock it... And then, I get an SMS from GG saying that she just finished reading my novel, loved it and can't wait to talk to me about it... OK, I may stop at her place on my way home tomorrow night... It's just a small 120Km detour... :-)

So, of course, I tell myself... Why don't I finish the rewrite I started a few years ago and get it published... I could also finish the music I started composing to go with it... ho... Did I ever tell that I started writing music to go with my Novel? I want to publish the thing with a CD inserted in the book sleeve... This CD would contain an instrumental song to go with each chapter... and a bonus track with lyrics that would resume the whole thing (Fais-moi rêver, which should be the new title of my Novel... Yeah, it's written in French)...

Which makes me think that the pieces of music that I have completed for a few of the chapters are not really available on the Net... I'll fix that now... Stay with me for a few minutes, I'll be back.... tic tac tic tac (it's 11h20 now)...

OK, it's now 11h56, but I didn't spend all this time getting the songs available. I got disturbed by the kids, the laundry, the door bell and the fact that, for some reason, I couldn't access the link I just created while I was connected through the office VPN... weird... Ho well, now it is done, and you can access it via the following address, for which a link should be added to MultiMAD soon. In there, you have a bonus title track with lyrics that summarizes a little bit the spirit of the Novel (though it wasn't written with this intention, it has been written by the same twisted minded author anyway, the same guy you are reading now actually ;-). Then, you have a few of the chapters instrumental song with the chapter number as a prefix followed by the chapter title... My goal was to capture the essence of the chapter and express it in a musical form... But I will admit that I sometimes cheated and fond some existing music from my past creations and thought that they would fit well (like Préparation which was composed in the '80s and it kind of shows, but I think it is OK :-).

Note that none of this is in its final form (except maybe "Fais-moi rêver" which was worked on a little more). So I guess I will have to go back to work on these in my basement and add a few more for the other chapters... I'll let you know if I make some progress there... Stay tuned...

OK, I guess I should feed my kids now... It is, after all, one of our three main animal characteristics (if you remember me quoting them in a previous post), and I hope my kids will stick to the first two for a little while, they have enough trouble with the second one already... Ho, this reminds me we are receiving my daughter's boyfriend this afternoon... Maybe I should get dressed!!!

BYE
MAD... really... ;0)

Happy B-Day Mom

2008-10-17T08:24:00.004-04:00

Salut,

I was born on April 28th, 1966, my mom was 31.5 years old then, and today, she's turning 74. She was the 17th birth in her family, she was born on a 17, and in '34... (I told you I like to play with numbers :-). Yes, 17th birth, and she had a little sister for about 6 months. Only 12 of the 18 kids getting out of my grand-ma actually made it to adulthood. Those were different times...

So I had just turned 11 when my mom was my age, and my eldest just turned 11 (so for the quicker reader, I had my first child at the same age my mom had me, but I was the 4th of 5, all of which reached adulthood, well... maybe... except for me :-).

It's a little hard to imagine our parents at our age, or compare what our kids are going through now to what we went through at their age. A friend of mine was telling me about a recent episode with her teenage son and I told her, we were the same at this age, and she claimed it is not the same... I disagree... it is all the same... Different times, but same people... with only very small differences... Man kind evolves, but not that fast...

So back to mom, or actually, one more thing I was thinking about when I mentioned that our parents used to be our age. You know how I like to watch other people don't you? At one point, I started looking at old women (though not quite the same way I was looking at that cutie in the bus the other day, I'm not 'that' twisted)... Especially the very old women... try to imagine them as the really cute young girl they might once have been... It is not easy... It is almost like only the "not so cute" ones survive long enough to become old ladies... Time can be so hard on our body...
My mom is 74 today, and I have seen pictures of her when she was a young little girl, and then a young adult, and then a young mom, and it proves that my theory is wrong. There are some very cute girls that live long and become old ladies. I know, some of you will think that I shouldn't use the term "old", it is not nice. Well just look it up on Webster, definition 2a... At least I use the term lady(3c), this term could be changed for a much meaner one, but I won't give you any examples, I will let you guess.
Mom's dream, as a little girl, was to have kids. And she had 5: 4 boys and 1 girl. Then she couldn't wait to become a granny, which she did at the age of 59, it started with a little grand-son, and then she had 4 grand-daughters in a row... And then another little girl and the (currently) last one, another boy, to close the loop.

I'm telling you these things about mom as opposed to wishing mom a happy-B-day because I know she won't read this. I bought her a computer a few years ago, and she doesn't really use it, it is mainly my nieces and nephew that use it. Ho well... Different times, different habits, yet, same people :-)

Anyway, the bus is arriving downtown, so I will still wish a very happy birthday to my mom in front of you all, and don't worry, I will call her later on (she's not an early bird, she used to work night shifts when I was a kid). And for those of you wondering why I didn't really talk about her, except for her love of kids and all these numbers about age, it's just because... this is my mom, a grand-mother, always talking about her kids... and age... And I love her very much....

BYE
MAD, the son of Margo!

The creative urge.. part I

2008-10-16T16:00:00.007-04:00

Salut,

sitting in the bus again, going back home to pickup the kids early, have a quick dinner and on with the taxi rides for dance and acting classes. "sitting in the bus" seems to be my equivalent to "once upon a time"... Maybe I should change the title of the blog to the MAD bus rides... But Na... MADLY-MAD suites me pretty well I think.

I don't think my MAD inspiration depends on the bus (or the train)... I do get influenced by the weather though... While the bus was still in the garage of the downtown terminus, I had no clue how to start this, and where I would go (actually, I still don't, but I go anyway)...But once the bus got out, and I saw the nice blue sky and sunshine in my face... I started typing... The sun just hid behind a dark cloud now, as if to contradict me...

I almost succumb to the temptation of not writing and reading instead... But I realized a little while back that I'm much more a producer than a consumer (though I'm working on that). When I was a kid, we were thought to give more then receive and I seem to have taken this a little too seriously. If I go see a live band, I would rather be on stage... When I watch a movie, I wonder if I could make a movie like that, or wish I could tell a story like that... Same thing when I read, or take pictures... Some of my friends that are into photography love to browse for other people pictures and learn from it... I guess I'm too lazy, I prefer to just take my own pictures... But I'm working on it...

That might be one of the [many?] reasons why I do so many different things and never really succeeded in any of them. I don't invest enough in learning from others... Even for blogging, again, I write much more than I read... Why do I do that? Why am I that way? Is it in my genes? Is it related to something that happened in my childhood? Or later on? I have no clue...

But I keep my eyes open, looking for hints of why, and how I could fix it. Yet, only when and if I need to fix it. It is not necessarily a problem, but I get the feeling I would be a better producer if I did a little more consuming... Of course, I have to be careful not to fall in the "Copycat" trap (I already suffer from that enough!!!), but there is definitely something to learn from what the others have done. This is one of the great skills that makes us humans as opposed to other animals.

For those who don't believe in anything supernatural (whether you call it God, inspiration, or collective consciousness, or whatever), our brain is just a very fancy computer. When we were born, it had some pre-wiring done based on our genetics, that allows us to scream when we are hungry, and be scared when we are in danger so that more blood get pumped in our muscles, and of course, for males at least, also having blood pumped into a specific muscle when we feel the urge to reproduce (at least, for most males ;-). But that's it. That's about all the human animal needs to survive and reproduce, get fed, flee danger, and have sex.

Yet, there is a little subtlety that was added to our brain pipes that allows us to learn from our experiences and make new links to create bigger pipes in our brain and invent abstract concepts that we can discuss amongst ourselves... Creativity is one of those abstract concepts that might simply be a complex combination of simple reflexes and the more we are exposed to the art of others, the more we feel inspired to create our own. After many generations of humans that have impressed each other with their creations, we got to a point where we have a hard time believing that only a few simple brain pipes could come up with all this, so we convince ourselves that it must come from a supernatural power that inspires us... Maybe... Maybe... I dunno... What do you think?

Arriving to the suburbs parking where my car is patiently waiting for me (good boy), so I will stop here, and let you have fun with this little reflexion of mine...

Till next time...

BYE
MAD

Making the world a better place

2008-10-15T16:40:00.002-04:00

So...

in the train again, for the way back home... this will most likely be a short post (as much as I can be short with my 6' 1.5" :-). I need to get some stuff done for my job, which is starting to drag a little too much behind for my own taste... But I feel the wind changing now, I think I'll soon unleash the power of the MAD Googler and solve all the world's problem in a few hundreds lines of code... Yeah right...

Actually, with my previous employer, I once realized that I wasn't really helping humanity by simply writing code... I must be here for a reason... I have special skills (as we all do, I don't think I'm "that" special) and there must be a way for me to put them to good use... All these people that have worked so hard and had such brilliant ideas in the past few millenniums to make the world what it is today... Can I be one of them for the generations to come? I would sure love to...

For a while, I thought that my day job was just a plan B until plan A would get in motion, so that my songs, my stories and/or my movies would be broadcast all around the world to spread the words: "Have Fun!!!"... And the world would be a better place to be, thanks to my participation and the choices that I made in my simple and humble life to help others have a better one.

I describe this in more details in a short philoscientificomic essay that I wrote almost ten years ago (already?)... It is in French though, but I may decide to translate it one day. Let me know if you would like to get the English version when it becomes available. In the conclusion of that text, I come up with three laws to govern the meaning of our lives, similar to the three laws of robotics that Asimov came up with about 50 years ago (yeah, I know, Copycat, Copycat, Copycat... whatever...).

But as I'm getting older, shorter of breath, and one day closer to death, I have less and less faith in my capabilities to change the world with my artistic creations... I actually have more chances of changing the world with my biological creations (and I love every single cell of those two princesses), as they may develop better skills or make better choices than I did and take up the task of making the world a better place for generations to come... That wouldn't be too bad as a backup plan ;-)

But life has such interestingly funny twists... As I started to lose faith in my plan A of an artistic career, my plan B got to be more and more interesting. And I now have the feeling that as a Google employee, I actually have more chances of making the world a better place... I know... Still thin... But still... Much thicker than when I used to work for Avid Technologies...
OK, I'll stop here before I get to say bad things about my ex... employer... of course... I would never say anything bad about my ex-wife... of course... Come on... who does that? Who?... Really?

BYE
MAD... really... :-)
P.S.: On the bridge again, the view... the view.... wow... :-) Sun setting on St-Lawrence river... wow... I would take a picture but the windows are way too dirty... ho well...

Choices

2008-10-15T09:00:00.001-04:00

Helllooooo....

Sitting in the train this morning... I chose to take the train because it is a bit more comfortable to work, the landscape around the tracks are more interesting than Champlain bridge and there is always room in the parking lot (as opposed to to the bus terminal where I got a warning last week because I was double parked and they don't seem to like that for some reason). Yesterday, I chose not to talk about the choice most Canadian citizen of a certain age and above had the right to make. I didn't even check what that choice was for the majority, do you know? Or is it a minority again? Anyway... I'm not sure it will make that much a difference... Ho well... At least that's how I see it, and I at least have the right to have an opinion...

But those are not the choices I want to talk about this morning... Almost a week ago, I made the choice to try and see if I could talk to you on a regular basis (so far so good, a little more than a post a day on average). In my French blog (MADeries), I talk about the usage of our time, and I describe it as the only actual choice we make (if you can't read French, try out the little translation gadget on the side, you might not understand it much more than French, but you could get a good laugh :-0).

A friend of mine was telling me yesterday that instead of investing my precious time in writing a blog, I should complete the edits I started doing to my novel after the publisher rejection (4-5 years ago already :-O), and finally get it published. I could also start doing short films for Kino again, make more photography or go back to music (I have been offered the bass player position in the "Turn it on again" Genesis tribute lately, and I turned it down, not enough time).It is true that those other interests of mine are a little harder to do on a train or bus ride. But writing... Whether it is this blog, short stories, short film or my novel... Yeah, I have the choice...

Ho, and work... Yeah, I shouldn't forget work... I told you about that a few posts ago... I have the luxury of having a job that I can take with me almost anywhere (as long as the MacBook battery last long enough and that I have access to Wifi once in a while)... I actually got a little behind my usual productivity lately because of some choices I made... So now, I will choose to stop babling here, save the text and get working... We are about half way between my train stop and the downtown terminus, so this should be fair (I'm addicted to fairness, did you know that?)...

So I hope you have a very good day, night or whatever moment you choose to read this stuff I push through the keyboard... And I wish you will make the right choices, today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life... We are allowed to make the wrong choices once in a while, but we must learn from it and move on (OK, there might be some fixing, cleaning up and appologies needed too, but that's another story, maybe ina future post?)... There is one choice I made a long time ago that I have been trying to share with as many people as I can, and I take every opportunity I have to remind the people around me about it... Choose to HAVE FUN!!!!

Ho, we are crossing the train bridge besides Mercier bridge, it is always an interesting sight when the sun is shining. This morning is a little shady, but there is enough sunligth reflected on the river below the bridge to make me stop writing...

BYE
MAD

MAD Rides again

2008-10-14T10:14:00.003-04:00

Salut,

not in the bus yet... Just got back from voting. I guess many Canadian bloggers will talk about that this morning... So I won't...

I'm sitting on a bench at the bus terminal. The sky is almost completely blue, except for a few small clouds at the limits of the horizon. The sun is bright and shiny, right in my face (I love that), with strong side wind that is exceptionally warm for this time of year. Life is good...So why talk about politics (oops... I just said the P word sorry)... Let's talk about a 4 letter word instead... LOVE... Na... I already did that a few posts ago (though we shouldn't get tired of talking about LOVE, right?)... I could also tell you about what I did yesterday, like starting the translation of http://multimad.com in English, but some people might see this as a political statement (ha, darn, that word again, I said I wouldn't talk about it)...

OK, let's go back to LOVE then... Some people say that voting is one of the few rights (if not the only one that) we have. But we also all have the right to love... Of course, some of us don't have the luxury of currently being IN love, but we can still LOVE... Yes, I know, the idea is to be loved in return of our love, and there is nothing said anywhere about the right to BE loved... Don't get me wrong, we all deserve it (at least most of us) but we can't really say that it is a right... But we do have the right to love, and we don't have to.... Ho... Bus is arriving, I'll get in and continue... Nope, false alarm... This wasn't our bus... Though there is only one bus line that comes to this terminal, this bus was lost or something... But it wasn't for us... Ho well..

What was I saying again? Ho yes, the right to love... Of course, as Peter Gabriel sings it so well, we all "Love to be loved" and "Need to be needed"... I love my kids and they love me back (some people will change the word kids for dogs, cats or reptile, almost the same, at least for them ;-)... Zillions of song writers have claimed that love is the best thing ever, All you need is love, if we believe John Lennon. Can you imagine that? One of my favorite movies is Moulin Rouge, and there is a very interesting meddley of contemporary music about love at one point.

Even when we.... Ho another bus... Must be the right one now... Yep, sitting in the bus now... So, even when we don't have the chance of being in a steady relationship, we can still feel lucky (Yeah, I know, I'm starting to repeat myself, I talked about that yesterday, but bare with me, I think this is important). Whether the sun is shining, or rain is pouring, whether we are surrounded by friends and loved ones or sitting alone somewhere dark and humid, whether we lost all our money in the sub-prime credit market or we were wise enough to keep it in an old stinky sock under our mattress, we still have the right to love...

Some people choose not to love. It is in their own right to. Like those who decide not to vote (oops, sorry). That's the beauty of a right, it is up to you... You also have the right to remain silent (which is something I have a very hard time with :-). It is up to YOU!!! So what will you vote for today? To Love or not to Love... THAT is the question... I made my choice... Have you made yours? Why don't you tell me about it? Let the whole world know about it... The more we know about others who love, the more we will be tempted to do the same. Spread the love, tell the people around you how much you love them... Imagine... All the people... Living in harmony.... Wow!

Well... Before I go (the bus is getting close to the down town terminus now), let me tell you one more thing... I love you... And never ever forget about it...

BYE
MAD... having lots of fun... Aren't you?

Whatever weather, thanks for all the fish!

2008-10-13T12:52:00.009-04:00

Yo,
sitting alone in my living room... Alone with a nice latté, an orange, a few strawberries and one of The Nice Device's CDs playing. I'm feeling really lucky these days. Maybe it is the freedom of an exceptional 3 week-ends in a row without my kids? Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but I'm not the kind who will miss them a lot when their not there (and, anyway, I still see them at least two days a week, every week, and now they will be with me for the next 3 week-ends, it always adds up).

3 week-ends ago was my first encounter with GG in the real world in almost 20 years... I also had a very entertaining dinner with SP and TC, whom I had not seen in more than 20 years too (though we have been in close virtual contact for almost 6 months now)... And on that Sunday, I went to see the Delerium concert which was simply amazing... It got me eye watered at one point, and I'm not a very emotional guy (but I'm working on it)...

2 week-ends ago, I had two 40th birthday party and one of them was for a musician friend of mine who put out a very good show and I got to meet a musician I played with in 80's and I had not seen him since (so "another not seen in about 20 years" reunion, wow). And of, course, I spent some good time with GG that week-end (who was the other one with 40th birthday party, this one was actually a surprise, though she was kind of expecting it).

And this week-end, nice dinner and movie with GG as I told you about on Saturday. We then had a very nice dinner at my place Saturday (which reminds me, I still need to clean the mess we made in the Kitchen... Hey, I wasn't here for most of the day, yesterday, so please, give me a break, OK?). And last night... Wow... What a night... I had a LOT of FUN (and you probably guessed by now how important it is for me to HAVE FUN :-), and I met very interesting people.

So, whatever the weather today, I will be thankful for the wonderful life I have the luxury to live. I'm actually glad that it is not nice outside, I will feel less guilty for staying inside and let my fingers crawl the keyboard for a good part of the day (yeah, yeah, I will also cleanup my kitchen and maybe do some laundry). I hope to spend some time getting mutlimad in better shape, and maybe have an English versions for you guys Frenchly-Challenged :-). We'll see where my fingers lead me to...

So long!...

and... of course... Have fun!...

BYE
MAD - 42!

The show must go on...

2008-10-13T03:04:00.003-04:00

Salut,

it's past 3AM now... feeling a little sleepy yet still energetic... Coming back from a very interesting night... I was at the "petit campus" to see a colleague (and friend)'s band Nista performed... But I arrived a little too late, their band was already off stage... D'ho!!!... I knew I shouldn't have spent so much time helping my brother get rid of the totalsecur scam. Ho well..

Still, I got to see the very good show given by a Detroit band called The Nice Device (they have a few videos on YouTube, check them out, they're really good) and there was also The Hot streak.

After the show, we went to the Miami bar. We had a lot of fun and great conversations with the musicians of the three bands, including the guys (and girl) from Detroit. Stina (the signer of Nista and girlfriend of my friend Tommi) started signing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and we all started signing along... We had a blast... It was amazing...

I think this is what life is all about... Having a blast... Of course, we have to pay the bills, help the kids (or dogs) grow up to become good people (or well trained animals). But all in all, having fun is the main thing that makes us tick. And since time is ticking, we might as well enjoy it while it lasts... As David Gilmour was signing the words of Roger Waters in the famous song Time:

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

So while your breath is long enough, enjoy every single day you have left, before there's none more... HAVE FUN!!!

BYE
MAD

Big sister

2008-10-11T12:42:00.006-04:00

Salut,

no, my sister is not big... But yesterday I went to see the movie Eagle Eye. After a very good dinner at L'Aurochs. It was... interesting... A little predictable for my own taste but still a good entertainment à la Die hard 4 (actually, maybe a little "too much" like Die Hard 4, ho well).

Dinner was great though (a little pricey, but that's OK), and, of course, GG's company was very agréable ;-) She went back home and we might do dinner at my place tonight, and maybe go dancing, or watch a DVD... maybe... Dunno for sure yet... That's what I like about my life these days... No strict plans, no obligations (at least half the time, when my kids are with their mom :-)... Just go with the flow MAD... You'll love it...

Of course, a little more consistency could be appreciated... and LOVE would be nice too... But I finally got to understand (it's about time) that I can't push it... I can only wait for it to show up (OK, I can help it a little, but I used to try too hard, so I better just lay back now, simply enjoy life at the present tense look, and just keep an eye open for what could be coming my way).

Talking about keeping an eye open, I'm seeing this nice weather outside and wonder what am I doing here... I told you yesterday... I'm hooked on you... But still... My fingers spend way too much time on these little squares with CAPITAL LETTERS written on them. And it is not just this new blogging fab that got me, I have lots of virtual friends with which I exchange on a regular basis, and, for some reason, most of them are girls... I wonder why... Let's just say that I have many.... big sisters... Yeah, that's it, their all my big sisters... Well... almost all... Some of them are just close friends.. you know... :-)

OK, time to step out...

BYE
MAD
P.S.: Enjoy the nice weather of this long week-end... HAVE FUN!!!!

I'm hooked on you...

2008-10-10T08:12:00.000-04:00

Salut,

   that's it... You got me... I'm hooked... Now I can't wait to take the bus... I had to resist the temptation to write you a few lines before getting to bed last night... Well... Actually... I was already in bed, as I often do, with my secret mistress... My MacBook... Yeah, I know, it is a blasphemy to my Windows religion roots... But hey, I follow Sun Tzu's advice: "So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will fight without danger in battles."...

   Ho wow... I think I'm in love... I just saw her get in the bus... Wow... Nice long black pointy leather boots with high heals... An interesting fluffy-layered black skirt with a pale greenish woolen vest on top, a bright red leather bag, white mittens that opens to let her long nailed fingers control her iPod, a scarf which matches very well the black of her black skirt with the paler colored vest she's wearing (wow, she thought of everything, women are so good at that, most of us men are simply pathetic), long dark hair with a few little blond stripes, glasses (I love the look of a woman that wears glasses, no it's not nerdy, it's sexy, OK?)... and a nose... Wow... A great nose... I told you... I'm in love...

   But... (yeah there is a but, not a butt a but!), she way too young for me (or should I say I'm way too old for her)... Anyway, even if it wasn't the case, I'm not very good with the first contact, I like to think that I'm quite good once that first contact is made (this is why I probably have more virtual friends than real-life friends, or at least I have more contacts with them)... But I intend to get better at this, a colleague suggested the book "The Game" which I recently bought. But I have a few other books that I already started reading... Ho, and I just noticed that the cutie I was telling you about, her iPod headphones... They're pink... Sooooo cuuuute :-)...

   But there is a "woman" (I told what I mean the other day when I used the term "woman") besides cutie, and every good look I try to get, the "women" looks at me with this look, you know? The same one that my fridge was giving me yesterday... Making me feel.... GUILTY!!!

   Should we be feeling guilty for looking at somebody else's body with envy? It shouldn't be insulting, it should actually be flattering, no? If I take a good long hard look at you, it is because I find you attractive, why would you be offended by that? I'm just showing you respect for the beauty that emanates from you... Ho well... Must be a guys-girls thing... Or maybe it's because there has been way too many men that have done it in a disgraceful way in the past. Reminds me of a quote in this book I bought, The Game, it is from another author, Betty Friedan, a feminist: "Men weren't really the enemy - they were fellow victims suffering from an outmoded masculine mystique that made them feel unnecessarily inadequate when there were no bears to kill."

   Haaa.... The predator-prey thing... A female virtual friend of mine uses that term, when she has a prospect in mind. She says she has a prey. And she often asks me: "Who's your prey these days"... I personally don't like the term, but there is a bit of truth in there... Cuz very often, when I step out of the bus (as I will soon do), I follow a cutie, just for the fun of it, until she takes a radically different route from mine... Maybe, just maybe... One day... I'll talk to her...

   So today, guess who will be my prey... Who knows... In my next post... I might be able to tell you her name... Maybe... Just maybe... If Kismet is on my side...

BYE
MAD
P.S.: I actually have a friend called Kismet :-)

Innocent until proven guilty...

2008-10-09T16:17:00.001-04:00

Salut You,

and another bus ride, on the way to another kids night, playing taxi driver.

This year, both the dance lesson and theater class are on Thursday night (with Karate on Wednesday, the other daddy's night). With a 30 minutes offset between the Thursday classes, I get to drive Fannie at 5:15 PM, then Marilaure at 5:45, and then pickup Fannie at 6:30 and Marilaure at 7:00.... Oooof.... Fortunately, both are at the same place, and they have Wifi there, so I may decide to not come back home... Though the fridge was feeling empty this morning, I may need to cheer it up with some stuff, otherwise he may start looking at me with those eyes... You know... those eyes that make you feel guilty when you look straight into them... And get lost... in guilt...

About guilt, I'm trying to cut down on that... I don't know about you but, I get a feeling I'm not the only one with a tendency to feel responsible for so many things happening around me. Might be that "I'm so better than everyone else" syndrome that I used to suffer from as a kid, and that I might not have completely healed, maybe... But anyway, I often feel guilty when things go bad. Like if I had something to do with with it.

Especially in a relationship. I rarely blame others for anything, so since most relationships are "couples", meaning '2' person, if I don't blame the other one, what else is left?... me...

I have been fortunate enough to not have too many problems in my life so far (and I hope it will keep going like that), but I still felt guilty way more often than I deserve. I used to feel guilty as soon as I saw a police car: "what have I done wrong?", "for sure, he's going to flash his colorful lights and pull me over"... and most of the time... he didn't... If my girlfriend had sad eyes, I must have done something wrong, if she had angry eyes, I definitely did bad somehow, if she closed her eyes, OK, she doesn't want to see me again... STOP MAD STOP!!!

Don't worry, I learned, I got much better since my separation after a 16 and half year relationship with the mother of my kids (I don't like the term ex, I prefer calling here "the mother", not sure why though). In the past 3 years, I got to meet many different woman, of many different types and even learned to handle crying tears that I disagreed with ("the mother" is a very rational woman, so she very rarely cried). In my previous life, I would have done anything to stop the crying, say things like "I'm sorry, it's all my fault", expose the guilt, or actually, even worst, "invent" guilt...

And the worst of it, is when we feel guilty a priori, and we prevent ourselves from doing what we feel like (ho, this feeeel word again, what does it mean actually?). How often in my life have I prevented myself form doing or saying things just because I thought that I knew that the others around me wouldn't appreciate it?... First, even IF they didn't appreciate it, it is sometimes OK to do things that others won't appreciate. We can't all feel the same about everything. And second, even worst again, who am I to think that I can know in advance what other won't appreciate?

Of course, there are obvious things, like not deciding to strip naked in the bus just because I'm feeling very hot right now, as I type this with bright and warm sunlight coming through the window straight on my neck squeezed between two big smelly men.... I know most people won't appreciate it.... Though some might actually... Anyway, you know what I mean.

Now I scrolled up the text in my offline editor because... Well... You know... these two fat smelly men might not appreciate it if they decide to read my screen... :-)

So back to guilt, I think I could say, in a very innocent way, that there is at least one thing that makes sense in the Justice system, it is that we are presumably innocent, until we are proven guilty... And I think we should do the same with our everyday lives... Let's wait until we are totally and completely convinced that we are guilty before feeling it (anyway, what do I know about feelings)... Feel free to do as you like, as long as your heart is good, the rest should follow. think about the others around you, do things for them, it will be good for you, but the first person to treat right... Is yourself... And don't feel guilty about it...

Ho... And never forget to have fun!!! Trust me on that... IT WORKS!!!

BYE
MAD.. saying: non-guilty your Honor, I would rather plead MADness... :-)

MADitation

2008-10-09T08:22:00.005-04:00

Salut,

in the bus again... nobody sitting besides me yet... got in an almost empty bus so I got to choose my seat, but will let someone else decide who will sit besides me... Done... While I was typing the word "besides", a woman came to sit besides me... I didn't use the term cutie, girl or even female, I will let you guess why... But anyway, as I said earlier, I can't really look at the person sitting besides me anyway... And she's not that big so we don't touch each other, and I can barely smell her cheap perfume (probably bought on sale at Jean-Coutu).

The bus is filling up, there are many people standing up... It is one of those buses with an accordion in the middle... But we still manage to fill one every 2-3 minutes during rush hour... Seems like there are many people who want to live in never never land, in a far far away suburby... (it's not that far actually, but my friends in the 514 zone always laugh about it).

OK, what did I want to talk about again? Ha yes, maditation... I thought of that in the car, while driving to the bus station (yeah, yeah, I'm only half green). I realized recently that I have a harder time than I thought when it comes to concentration. I guess I wasn't concentrating enough when thinking that I have a good concentration. I know I have a hard time focusing, this is why I do all these different things and rarely finish them (as I was saying in another post)... But concentration is something else... Let me give you an example...

I love music... I have always loved music... Music was a big part of my life when I was a kid, because I had a very hard time making friends... Yes... It's true... Who wanted to be friends with a guy that was so much more intelligent than them (so he said, at least :-)?... Anyway, I didn't want to talk about how annoying I was as a kid, I wanted to talk about concentration, focus MAD focus...

So my love affair with music started very young, and then I started to play music as a teenager, and started composing as a young adult, and when I started writing songs with lyrics, only then, did I start paying attention to the lyrics of the songs I listen to (I actually talk about this on one of my French blogs if you're curious). But once I started paying attention to lyrics it changed my whole perspective when listening to music, especially while driving my car.

But recently (yeah, yeah, I'm getting to the point), I realised that I have a very hard time listening (and paying attention) to the lyrics for a whole song... My mind will meander left and right, and I will start thinking about a million things but will lose track of what the singer is talking (or actually, most of the time, signing) about. So I decided to train myself... If I want to pay attention to the lyrics of a song (hey, you never know, the answer to all my questions could be in the lyrics of that song, it is not because I'm happy and 42 that I have the answer to everything ;-)... So when I do that, if I noticed that I lost track, I will reset the song to the beginning and try again... Until I get to the end of the song with a clear understanding of every single word in the song (OK, some song are so cryptic and badly pronounced that it's almost impossible, let's just say I do my best).

And it reminded me about a book I read last spring about meditation (thus the title of this morning's post). It was the very basics of meditation and Buddhism in general, but I learned the benefits of being here, now and not think about yesterday, tomorrow, or even get lost in thoughts or reflexions on the present... You sometimes have to stop thinking if you want to be able to start feeling.... hoooo.... Big challenge for Madly MAD... feeeeelllliiiinnnggg.... What's that?

So I started maditation then, but have not continued... Now it is time to start again... I need to understand what's the big fuss about these feelings that everyone is talking to me about... But the harder thing is... I can't just think about it and figure it out... That's not fair!

So I guess I'll maditate on it... How about you? Do you do any kind of meditation? Do you "feel" anything? What are you thinking about now?

BYE

MAD
P.S.: Ho... And don't forget to have fun... It's crucial!!!

On the way back

2008-10-08T16:40:00.000-04:00

Salut toi,

In the train again, on the way back this time and with my laptop. I took the first 10 minutes of the ride to finish something I was working on at the office. I often work in the train (or bus, but rarely while driving my car though :-) or in my bed once the kids are asleep. Some people might think that this is bad; they think we shouldn't bring work at home... But what if I love what I do, what is wrong with that?

I used to freak out when I felt that I didn't invest enough time in my artistic creations (did you take a look at http://multimad.com ?). I even took a pay cut at one point to be able to work 4 days a week while I was working for Softimage, so that I could work on my creative self... And the first few months I would be MAD at myself (yeah, it can happen :-), if I felt I had not been productive enough during that expensive day off... I have a tendency to procrastinate a lot (yeah, yeah, I know, we all do), and I used to hate that about myself... But now... I don't know... Maybe I'm just getting old... But I learned to accept myself a little more... I am as I am...

So, now that I work for Google and love it, I spend much more time working on my day job at night, and I feel good about it (and I compensate a bit by chatting with friends or going through Facebook or personal emails during the day so... :-). At one point, I realised that this is what I want to do (sometimes). I stopped to think about a night alone at home with the kids sleeping and no important house chores waiting for me, this time is MINE!!! What do I want to do with it? Work on my finished novel that I must partly rewrite if I want to submit it to publishing houses again? Work on the music I started composing to go with my novel? Work on new songs? Do another Kino short film? Write a new short story? Photography? Blogging? Watch a movie (alone... bleh)? Or do I just feel like working on this very exciting new project I chose to work on for Google?

What if, most of the time, I feel like working on my day job? Does this make me a monster? A workaholic? Who suffers from it? I had fun with the kids, now their sleeping. My house is in order. I can't go out or visit a friend (I could ask a friend to visit though, but I don't want to impose a long trip to never never land where I decided to build my nest, but if you are willing to pay me a visit once in a while on Wednesdays or Thursdays, be my guest :-)... Also, since I never have the kids on Mondays nor Tuesdays, I go out then (and last night, Tuesday, was real nice, but I think I already told you about that, I wouldn't want to rub it in :-). And I also have my freedom every second week-end, and the joy to spoil my kids every other week-end. What more could I ask for?

So after travailing, 42 years in time, to the peak of my life (or so they say), with a great job, great kids and an exceptional relationship with their mother (even though she has a boyfriend and I'm still single), I feel that the way back to where I came from will be a very interesting second half of life, and I intend to enjoy every minute of it... Even if, for me, enjoying the first 10 minutes of a train ride back home means to complete a task I started at my job... So be it... I spent the following 14 minutes writing this to you (and another 7 proff reading it) and will do so as often as I feel like it... Hoping you will still be there with me to enjoy the ride...

Have fun!

BYE
MAD